


Jaded

by NotSoEvilPanda (Alexis_Payton)



Series: The One With The Lenas [1]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Feeeeeeelinnnnngs, Light Smut, Metallo!Lena, Sort of AU, SuperCorp, SuperMetalloCorp?, Thirsty!Kara
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-04
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:42:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 46,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23017210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexis_Payton/pseuds/NotSoEvilPanda
Summary: Kara wakes up in a world that’s not her own and meets a Lena who has never known her friendship, or her betrayal.Set during Ep 5x13
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Series: The One With The Lenas [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1711873
Comments: 436
Kudos: 1061





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I haven’t watched since s2. What I know of Supergirl since then, I’ve learned from Tumblr and Twitter. So all of the gay and very little of the plot. This is set in an alternate universe though, which means I’m allowed some liberties and given the state of the world, some OOC’ness. But, if that’s not for you, let me know so I can cry myself to sleep and replace my heart with kryptonite to deal with all the pain of your rejection.  
> Enjoy!

_“Kara.”_

Her eyes felt welded shut.

_“Wake up.”_

The familiar voice was gentle, yet tainted with worry.

_Alex?_

She thought she’d said it out loud, but her mouth remained shut and she seemed stuck in a terrifying paralysis of dream state and wakefulness. Overwhelmed by sheer panic, her limbs grew hot. She struggled against the invisible restraints of sleep and with a loud, sharp gasp, Kara tore herself awake and jack-knifed into a sitting position.

Slowly blinking, she took in her surroundings.

The familiar and concerned faces of Alex, Nia, Kelly, and J’onn stood around the table she sat on top of wearing her Supergirl suit. Winn held a tablet in his hand but flashed her a cautiously happy grin. Then there was _Mon-El_ standing right beside him, which made Kara falter again and wonder whether she was still sleeping.

“What are you doing here?” she all but accused him. If it was a dream, she shouldn’t feel bad about being a little rude. Her eyes flickered over the dark room. _The Tower_ , J’onn had called it when he’d taken her there and showed her around.

“You fell unconscious after our fight with Granny Goodness,” Mon-El informed her. “I brought you back here.”

Kara snorted out a chuckle. “Granny Goodness?” she asked and looked down at Alex’s fingers encircling her wrist then up into her sister’s concerned face.

“What’s the last thing you remember?” Alex asked.

Kara’s brows furrowed as she thought back. It was a battle to get through the haze of confusion until eventually, she grasped the memory.

“You and I were at my apartment…I think we were just hanging out, catching up after the whole destruction of multiple Earths thing. We were talking about Lena working with Lex and him owning the D.E.O. now and really what are we going to do about that because he’s definitely up to something…” Kara’s rambling trailed off when she became aware of the thick tension that had settled over the room. Everyone stared at her with matching expressions of concern. And not the expected kind over Lex, but seemingly over her sanity. “I think there was a knock on the door, or we got a visitor?” she asked Alex, even as her eyes skidded across the worried faces who hadn’t been there, so why were they looking at her as though she were senile and on her deathbed?

“What?” she asked them and turned to Alex. “Why is your face like that?” She weakly laughed.

Alex turned to Kelly, who stood at the foot of the table. The two communicated silently and after a nod from Kelly, Alex addressed the room. “Do you guys mind giving us a moment?”

Kara suspiciously eyed them while they sent her reassuring smiles, but all shuffled out and she should probably get off the table, right? But Kelly gently took hold of her ankle and rubbed soothing circles she could feel through her boot. It felt nice, so Kara stayed put and looked to Alex for guidance on whether she should also be worried, or not.

“There was a confrontation with the Female Furies,” Alex slowly started. “You, Dreamer and Mon-El, were fighting them off when you apparently fainted. They didn’t notice any of the Furies targeting you, in fact, the fight had barely started. Mon-El brought you here while Dreamer held them off until Reign and Brainy showed up and she had to run.”

Alex was about to continue when Kelly interjected. “Does any of that sound familiar to you, Kara?”

“Uhm.” Kara could feel the crease between her brows. A lot of it sounded familiar, but none of it made sense. “Reign’s back? Mon-El’s back? Who are the Female Furies?”

“Back from where?” Alex asked.

“Mon-El’s supposed to be in the future? Reign was split from Sam who’s supposed to be living her best life with her daughter…”

“Who’s Sam? And the future? What—”

“Alex,” Kelly softly interrupted.

“Sorry,” Alex sheepishly mumbled and Kara looked between them, relieved that at least the two of them were familiar.

“Winn came back from the future though, did he bring Mon-El back too to help with Lex? If so, why? I’m sure if we could just get through to Lena, she’ll help us stop whatever Lex is planning. Maybe she could be a spy for us. I’m sure—”

“Kara,” Kelly’s gentle voice drew her attention and Kara’s heart skipped anxiously. Dread pooled in her stomach because something felt very off. Wrong. She could feel it in her bones. It was why she kept on explaining the same thing, hoping they would agree and say ‘yes, that did happen, Kara. You’re not going crazy. Everything’s as fine as it can possibly be under the circumstances.’.

“Lex Luthor died six months ago,” Kelly said.

Kara’s eyes darted between them. “You two don’t remember him running the D.E.O.?”

They both shook their heads.

“Do you remember the other Earths being destroyed?”

Alex glanced at Kelly and then back to Kara and shook her head again. “I’m going to examine you for any head injuries, okay?” she carefully said and Kara wondered whether Alex would have her committed to an asylum. Multiple universes destroyed seemed like an implausibility, even when she’d lived through it. Maybe she’d dreamt it all and this was reality. Maybe Lena hadn’t chosen to work with Lex over their friendship. Well, over the memory of their friendship and possible future reconciliation.

She allowed herself to be helped off of the table and led into a small lab at the back of the Tower. The counters were lined with chemistry sets and in a glass container, a fist-sized replica of her family crest lay. It was half an inch thick and Kara decided not to ask, instead, she walked over to the hospital bed that was set up next to a sun lamp and obediently got up onto it.

She wished she could fall asleep and wake up to a world that made sense.

“What are the Female Furies?” she asked again. “Maybe one of them whammied my brain?”

“They’ve only been sighted twice before in the last six weeks,” Alex said, shining a penlight in Kara’s eyes. “All we know is that their leader calls herself Granny Goodness and proclaims to be part of someone, or something, called Darkseid’s elite guard. We’ve identified a total of seven of them, but they haven’t attacked all at once, so who knows how many of them there are. Or even where they come from. They’re super-powered, definitely alien, but not even J’onn or Mon-El could identify what planet they’re from.”

Kara just barely resisted the urge to laugh again at the name Granny Goodness. “What do they want?”

“We don’t know. Their attacks are careless and violent, unnecessarily destructive as though they’re baiting us to try and stop them.”

“So they probably want to take us out before doing whatever they’re planning.”

Alex nodded and tiredly ran a hand through her hair. “They don’t seem to have a plan, but since they’re acting on behalf of this Darkseid, I’m sure we’ll find out what they want soon enough.”

“And Lex Luthor never owned the D.E.O.? He died?”

“He was killed.”

“How?”

“By his sister.”

Kara nodded. “So Lena shot him and the Monitor never brought him back…I dreamt that part?”

“Wha—”

“What do you remember regarding Lex Luthor’s death, Kara?” Kelly interjected. Kara had almost forgotten she was there and relaxed when warm brown eyes met her gaze.

“Lex was coming after all of us, but Lena stopped him. Before he died, he told her I was Supergirl.”

Alex’s reaction was so severe, Kara heard her heart skip and saw her body go rigid.

“Impossible,” Alex said. “If he told her, she would’ve come after you.”

“Alex, I know you don’t trust her right now and I understand why. But I know Lena. She won’t hurt me, no matter how betrayed she feels. She’s had a lot of time to out me to the public and she hasn’t. She’s had a variety of Kryptonite weapons aimed at me and she’s never thrown anything at me I couldn’t easily handle.” Kara paused and then added. “Physically…”

Kelly and Alex shared another long look, but whatever silent communication they were having, was cut off by flashing red lights that irritated Kara’s eyes. The television mounted in the corner of the sickbay flickered on of its own volition and Kara gasped at the image on the screen. Lena appeared, dressed in some black military outfit with subtle red detailing on the hems and edges. Her was hair neatly pinned around her pretty face and pale fingers were interlaced as her hands rested on the table in front of her.

“Oh, wow…” Kara breathed out at the foreign image.

Lena’s dark make-up and the strange red glow of the L-Corp logo on either side of her, accompanied by the cold pensiveness of her gaze, gave the entire scene an entirely ominous feel.

“ _Citizens of National City._ ” Her voice sounded detached. Firm. Authoritative. “ _I regret to inform you that once again, Supergirl and the League of Heroes, have interfered in our efforts to bring the Female Furies to justice._ ”

She glanced at Alex and Kelly who stared at the screen with bitter resentment and none of the surprise that was threatening to overwhelm Kara.

“ _Rest assured, we are diligently working to remove all criminal elements from our home whilst battling the pervasive threat of Supergirl and her group of vigilantes. My HOPE Robots are scouring the city at this very moment and I encourage you to come forward should you have any information to share. As always, my priority is, and will always be, to protect you from harm._ ”

The video feed cut and Alex picked up a remote to turn the TV off. Kara, mouth agape, could only stare at the black screen.

“Nothing’s right,” she eventually rasped. Fear clutching at her heart. “I-I don’t understand. This has to be a nightmare. That’s not—she can’t be Lena. It must be someone made to look like her. Maybe a shapeshifter…”

“You know her?” Kelly asked.

“She was—is—my best friend. You guys know that.”

“Lena Luthor came to National City a little over two years ago,” Alex said.

Two? Was she somehow in the past? She’d known Lena for over three years.

“Lex attempted to assassinated her,” Alex continued. “He failed, but Lena was badly injured when her helicopter was destroyed during his attack. She disappeared from the city and when she came back half a year ago, she killed Lex. For the past six months, she, with Reign and Brainy as her enforcers, have militantly attempted to clear the city of ‘criminals’.”

“Does any of that sound familiar to you?” Kelly asked.

Kara shook her head, her mind flashing images of a dead helicopter pilot and a scared Lena seated in the cockpit, surprised that Supergirl was saving her.

“You— _we_ have been fighting her ever since her reappearance,” Alex said. “You haven’t had the time to build any sort of relationship with her.”

Kara nodded absently. “And we’ve been unable to stop her.”

“She has access to a lot of kryptonite. It looks as though her heart was turned into a weapon to specifically be used against you.”

“It’s not right,” Kara whispered. “Nothing’s right. I need to talk to her.”

Any semblance of calm left Alex entirely. “Are you completely insane?”

“Alex.” Kelly sent her a stern look.

“I’m sorry, but I just told you that Lena Luthor is physically built to, and has made it her mission to, _destroy_ you, and you want to go _talk_ to her?”

“Why hasn’t she destroyed me already, then? Why am I still standing, any of you, if we’re up against her, Reign _and_ Brainy?”

“Because you stay out of her way when possible. We run and we hide. We play it smart.”

“That doesn’t sound like something I’d do.”

“Well, it is. You know better. And we choose our battles carefully when it comes to Lena Luthor. That woman is a sadistic sociopath.”

“Don’t talk about her like that.”

“She took out Clark, Kara! How can you defend her after everything she’s done?”

“Alex, calm down—”

“What?” Kara’s heart jumped into her throat. “Clark’s dead?”

“No,” Kelly said, glaring at Alex who seemed to place herself in a time-out while she rubbed her forehead and focused on her breathing. “She blew out his powers. Permanently. He’s living a good life, in secret. Only you know his new identity and where to find him. He’s happy. Hates that he can’t help, but he’s living the life he’s always wanted.”

“Why would she go after Clark?”

“Lena helped Lex escape from prison,” Alex said and walked over to a laptop on the counter opposite the bed. “Superman came to help you apprehend them both. We thought they were planning to rule the world together.” She wryly laughed, typing away at the keyboard. “Lena seemed to have only released him to personally hunt him down.”

Alex pressed the TV remote and the space bar on the laptop and the video feed appeared on the larger screen. Two people in Lexosuits were battling in downtown, National City. Entire buildings had been reduced to rubble around them, orange and green lasers, respectively, shot from their gauntlets. Blasts of a steam-like substance spurted from the suits to propel them as they flew around and dodged each other’s attacks. Where one suit had the familiar orange glow on its chest plate and eye slits of the helmet, the other shone a green that made Kara’s stomach roll.

The one with the green light soon took control of the destructive battle and Kara knew that it was Lena. Perhaps it was the way the suit was fitted to a feminine body. Cinched at the waist and flared out at the hips. The metal was darker and sleeker and more refined than the other suit. As though it were an upgraded version of the orange lit one. Knowing Lena, Kara wouldn’t be surprised that she’d taken Lex’s technology and made it infinitely better.

There was a reason Lex and Lillian constantly tempted Lena to their side no matter her resistance and rejection of them. No matter that she on occasion had helped send them to jail and in Lex’s case, literally killed him. Lena was a genius. An asset to any team she chose to be on.

Kara swallowed thickly at the thought of her being the enemy. She’d lost track of how many times she’d loudly gasped since waking up in this bizarre world when Lena’s metallic fist punched Lex’s helm right off of his head. There was no sound, but Lex was on his knees, begging, eyes desperate, terrified, and filled with remorse.

Neon green eye slits glared down at him and a shudder went down Kara’s spine when a long green glowing sword formed from the nano-tech in Lena’s armour. She screwed her eyes shut when, without an ounce of hesitation, Lena sliced his neck clean off of his body.

Kara wasn’t sure why she was crying; it certainly wasn’t for Lex Luthor.

_I killed my brother for you!_

What she’d just seen hadn’t been for Kara though. It didn’t look like an act of protection, but rather of vengeance. It hardly mattered. Lena killed her brother. She’d killed her brother in cold blood. Before, Kara had always known that even when Lena was angry at her, she would still help and do what was right if it meant saving lives. Even when Lena stole MYRIAD it was because she wanted to make the world a better place. However misguided that might’ve been. Never had Kara thought of her as a ruthless killer…

Nothing made sense anymore. This couldn’t be her world.

“I’m sorry we didn’t prepare you for what you just saw,” Kelly said, her hand squeezed Kara’s ankle again and the pressure brought her back to Alex’s remorseful expression.

“You were never friends with her, Kara,” Alex softly said. “We’ve been fighting her dictatorship since she returned to National City. She’s been trying to apprehend you throughout that time. Reign meets out justice severely and indiscriminately and has made it clear that she will destroy anyone who stands in her way. You show up anywhere near Lena Luthor and she will take you out. Look at what she did to her own brother.”

Kara wanted to deny it, but her mind held a set of memories that apparently weren’t real. Of a Lena Luthor that never existed. She had to be on another Earth that hadn’t been destroyed. All she needed was a portal and she could get back home. Back to her Lena on Earth-Prime.

But what if this was the real world? And the other one where she and Lena were friends, was fake?

“Do you think she did something to my mind?” Kara wondered. “Gave me these memories of a friendship to make me hesitate when fighting her?” Even as she asked it, she knew it couldn’t be true. Their friendship was the realist thing in Kara’s life for three years.

“Why don’t we finish up so you can get some rest,” Kelly suggested. “It’s late and maybe when you wake up, you’ll remember. Alex and I will have had a chance to do some tests so we can explore possible neuro and biological causes for your memory loss.”

Kara nodded along, though she felt anything but tired.

Without protesting that she could simply fly, she changed out of her suit—grateful at least that Brainy had made her a new suit with pants before joining Team Lena—and allowed Kelly to drive her to the apartment she shared with Alex where Kara was shown to the guest room.

Alex was making use of a lab on a secret floor at National City General Hospital. It used to be a D.E.O. requisitioned safe house. No D.E.O. existed anymore though, and their resources were scattered and few and far between.

It was all she could think about, lying awake in an unfamiliar bed; in an unfamiliar world: how strange it was for Lena to have sought out absolute power like that. Kara’s mind reeled at how out of character it seemed, while a small part listened until Kelly’s breaths evened out.

When she was certain sleep had claimed her, Kara flew from the apartment, her trajectory vertical, as she sped upward, stopping to hover below the thick clouds that blocked the moon and the stars.

She smelled the rain even before it gently started falling down in thick sheets, misting up the already dark night. It quickly soaked through her hair and clothes but her attention was fixated on the movement in the familiar apartment far down below, despite it being the early hours of the morning. Her heart fluttered, because Lena wore an over-sized cream cashmere sweater and dark yoga pants. Bare feet padded across a tiled kitchen floor and long sleeves covered most of her dainty fingers where she poured hot water into a teacup. Her hair was down and her makeup washed from her face.

She walked over to the couch in her living area and sat down, melancholy washing over her like the rain Kara was drenched in. She wanted to fly down and offer comfort, and it was only the memory of that green glow that made her skin prickle and stopped her from doing so.

Lena took a slow sip of her tea and cradled the cup above her knees pulled up to her chest.

A single tear slid down her cheek, passed a pair of downturned lips, and rushed around the contour of Lena’s chin to stop beneath it at the very centre, before it dropped into her lap.

Kara ached and ached and ached.

Ever since Lena had broken down in the Fortress of Solitude and finally confessed exactly how Kara had hurt and betrayed her, she’d wished for an alternate reality where Lena hadn’t needed to feel that way. Sometimes she would think when in their relationship would’ve been the ideal time to tell Lena her secret. More recently, seeing how Lena’s hurt was driving her toward her brother, Kara wondered if it wouldn’t have been better, had they never been friends at all. That thought had hurt for selfish reasons. Though she’d always imagined that Lena would be far happier without her, at least. But this?

What was this reality?

Unable to bear seeing Lena that sad, and feeling helpless to make her feel better, Kara took off, keeping an eye out for Reign as she flew back to the apartment. Alex would hopefully be home soon and wouldn’t work all night. The streets were deserted, everyone carefully locked away in their homes for the night. And she wondered if there was a curfew in place. Selected spots were completely destroyed by what Kara recognised as clashes between powerful beings, from years of being thrown through buildings by whichever bad guy of the month she’d placed herself in front of.

She would pretend for Alex and their friends’ sake that she believed she belonged there. That whatever was happening to her, was simply a trick of the mind.

Kara wasn’t sure what was going on, but she was certain that Lena was the key to fixing it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick update to give you guys an idea of the direction this story is going in.  
> I won't be able to update daily, next one should be Sat/Sun.  
> Thanks so much for the interest in this fic thus far.  
> Your comments and Kudos give me life <3  
> @NotSoEvilPanda

Kelly worked at National City General Hospital with Alex. Winn and Nia at Catco, and Mon-El was a bartender at Al’s Dive Bar, which was owned by J’onn and from where he operated a private detective business. Apparently, people tended to go missing a lot in National City these days and employers thoroughly vetted potential employees to prevent a visit from Reign exacting justice on some unsuspecting citizen, often taking entire buildings down in the process.

All of them had their secret identities and seemed to enjoy the nine-to-five hustle as an escape from the dark world they apparently lived in.

“And what do I do?” Kara asked Winn who had arrived at the apartment on his lunch break.

He chuckled awkwardly. “Well, you’re Supergirl. It’s kind of a full-time job.”

Kara frowned. “Really?”

“Yeah. You like it, though. When there was still a D.E.O., they paid you well. You say you managed to save up from that and once we take care of Lena, we’ll re-establish the D.E.O. and everything will be back to normal again.”

“I’m not a reporter?”

Winn carefully studied her. “I guess, if you wanted to, you could be one...”

“And where do I live? I flew past my apartment block, but it was destroyed.”

“You live at the Tower…”

Kara felt her eyes widen, and her lips part. She’d glimpsed a small bedroom in the Tower the day before…

“I can’t believe I quit Catco…Gave up my entire life…”

“After Ms Grant left to ‘pursue her passions’ it kinda inspired you to do the same. You cleaned the city up in no time,” he proudly stated. “National City was the safest place in the world a year ago. People flocked here on holiday and plans to expand infrastructure were underway…”

“Until Lena showed up,” Kara finished for him.

“Yeah. She’s…I’m not sure how we’re going to defeat her, Kara.”

“And the rest of the country’s just letting this happen?”

Winn laughed wryly. “She has the support of the president.”

“ _What_?”

“After her HOPE robots decimated the national guard that was sent in to help, she brokered a deal that they leave her to run National City as she pleased and she would provide them with weapons for military use.”

“And the world just let that happen?”

“She has us isolated. Whatever information she gives them is filtered by her warped sense of justice. She’s so adamant, part of me believes she really does think she’s helping National City. And now that’s what the rest of the country believes too. She killed Lex and didn’t kill Superman. And the people being punished, are technically criminals. Many see her as a hero and the government just took the easy way out.”

“They exchanged National City for weapons and saved themselves a war with Lena.”

“A war we’ve been struggling to win, so I’m less pissed off at them about that choice.”

“Maybe if we had help it wouldn’t have taken this long,” Kara argued.

“Not with Reign as her enforcer.”

She nodded. “And with Brainy on their team too…If he’s working with Lena, why doesn’t she know where to find everyone, or who we are?”

“He doesn’t remember who we are,” Winn sadly said. “Maintaining our jobs, helps to maintain our cover. When you decided to be Supergirl full time, you asked Alex to entirely erase Kara Danvers’ relation to Alex Danvers, so there isn’t much linking us all to each other, on paper. It’s been keeping us safe.”

She adjusted her glasses, trying to minimise the pang of hurt at hearing that. It was only their documents that differed. Alex was still her sister. She wasn’t sure why that made her feel so sad.

“No matter how beaten up we might get the night before,” Winn continued, “we show up at work the next morning and gasp at the news of the latest altercation between Supergirl and Reign. Thankfully, Reign doesn’t seem to care about finding out our identities and seems fine with only trying to smash us into the ground whenever she spots us. She’s ruthless when she’s in pursuit, but we’ve managed to escape her a few times. The Tower is safe because it’s lined with lead and has some stealth shields to hide it from electronic devices.”

Kara remembered her broken body splayed out in rubble, covered in blood and debris, and shuddered.

There’d been a time where she’d thought Sam and Alex might end up together. Kara loved Sam. She’s one of the best people Kara had ever met, and had been sad when Lena lost her friend to another city. But, despite feeling guilty about it, Kara was relieved that the reminder of Reign wouldn’t stare her in the face every day of her life. She’d never received such a beating as the one Reign had given her. Ever. Growing up invincible hadn’t prepared her for feeling that outmatched, especially with her powers.

Kara had been afraid of the villains she’d been up against before. Some fear was healthy. It kept you grounded and focused. But no one had filled her with as much terror as Reign had. And now she was there again, with Lena and Brainy on her side…

Thankfully, J’onn and Mon-El showed up to relieve Winn of his babysitting duties and distracted her from those destructive thoughts.

She was hopeful that once J’onn examined her brain, she’d get some answers as to what was happening to her. He might not have been able to read a Kryptonians mind, but he would be able to find anything that wasn’t supposed to be there. Still, Kara remained very quiet and tried not to think about sex, naked people, or any inappropriate thoughts whatsoever, just in case.

“There’s definitely a block,” John said after seemingly an eternity, “that’s not coming from you. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say it was magical in nature and not psionic.”

“Magic?” Kara wondered and Mon-El stepped closer and it was still so strange to see him there. Had the world she found herself in felt even remotely like her own, she would probably have been more disturbed by his presence. For the moment, he was a reminder that this wasn’t home. It simply couldn’t be.

“So, someone has taken her memories and replaced it with alternate ones?” he asked J’onn as though Kara wasn’t sitting right there and okay, she remembered now why things between them wouldn’t have worked out, despite him having matured enough for them to at least form a friendship.

“I can’t say, but someone has tampered with your mind, or rather, is preventing me from seeing your thoughts.”

“And Alex has nothing?” Mon-El asked him.

“She hasn’t found anything irregular yet,” J’onn said and Kara sighed.

“But that’s a good thing.” Mon-El grinned charmingly to lighten the mood. “That there’s nothing physically wrong.”

“Maybe this is an alternate universe and I need to get back to mine,” she admitted, too despondent to be wary of their feelings. She didn’t want to be there anymore.

“Then where’s our Kara?” Mon-El asked and Kara flinched at his wording and frowned at the floor.

“Maybe Nia will see something,” she offered. “She’s babysitting me this afternoon until Alex and Kelly get home.”

J’onn frowned. “We don’t mean to make you feel trapped, Kara, but until we’ve determined—”

“I know,” she interrupted with a soft smile. “I’m sure we’ll have some answers soon.”

***

“At least the food still tastes the same,” Kara told Nia who had brought over some of her favourites. “Maybe Lena isn’t as much of a tyrant as we thought?” She chuckled hopefully, but soon stopped, noting Nia’s frown. “What’s it like, living and working here, though? Parts of the city are in ruins, other parts seem just fine…You guys all go to work like normal…I don’t understand.”

“Everyone lives in constant fear,” Nia sadly said. “Lena only enforces the law, but the punishments are severe and judgment quick. Often left solely to Reign.”

Kara swallowed thickly and pushed her food away.

“Things have started to settle, but those first few weeks when Lena assumed control was a massacre. People looted in an attempt to gather enough resources to flee the city, and those who were caught were executed on the spot. Which only led to more fear-induced panic and crime that led to more public executions for things like breaking and entering to seek shelter, and theft of food to survive.” Nia inhaled a trembling breath. “God, Kara, the brakes on Snapper’s car failed and he ran a red light, crashed into another car, where a mother and child were injured…It was an accident, we later determined. The mother and child recovered, but Reign executed him on site. No questions asked. He was seen as the cause of harm and she judged him as guilty.”

Snapper was dead, and Kara was surprised at the sorrow that clenched at her chest. She nodded shakily, remembering Reign’s black and white view of the world. Her single-minded focus at what she deemed to be justice. Lena didn’t seem to be controlling her and had simply unleashed her onto National City.

“Reign won’t remain here forever,” Kara said. “If they somehow manage to clean the city up to whatever specifications and standards they’ve decided on, Reign’s going to want to apply it to the rest of the world.”

Nia pushed a potsticker across her plate and a pang of hunger had Kara continue eating while she waited for her friend to say what was on her mind. She seemed more confident somehow. The scar across her right eye apparently ran more than skin deep. Kara wanted to ask what happened. Ask about Brainy. But that seemed insensitive; to dig into people’s private lives whilst planning an escape route back home. Her Nia had lost him too. Here in this reality, something even worse seemed to have separated them and Kara wasn’t sure she had the right to any of that information.

“I’ve been dreaming of a future filled with nothing but darkness,” Nia murmured snapping Kara out of her thoughts. “Strangely, it didn’t feel like Lena Luthor was the cause of it. There’s something else happening here, maybe she manufactures some weapon that spins out of control. But when I try to see our future, it feels blank and empty. Like death.”

Kara opened her mouth and closed it, unsure how to ask her next question, but Nia saved her from voicing it out loud.

“I thought that maybe it meant that I died…But why would I be able to feel a future I’m not a part of? I was there. I know it. Surrounded by people, but numb to them; to myself. I’ve had that same dream repeatedly for the last couple of months. However much I don’t see in them, it feels like a loss of agency. Like I’m not in control of my body. I want to say I’m trapped, but there’s no fight against it. No sense of urgency to escape. Just a feeling of absolute peace in a dark world…”

A small contented smile on Nia’s face while she thought of it, sent a chill down Kara’s spine, before Nia shook it off and blinked at Kara with a look of horror. “ _Anyway_.” She awkwardly coughed. “Something’s coming. Something big. And I really hope you get your memory back before then.”

“I think Lena’s the key to all of this.”

“You think she’s messing with your mind?”

“No, not exactly. But I think she could provide some answers.”

“Pfft. Good luck asking her the questions.”

Kara cleared her throat and went to collect the laptop that was apparently hers and opened it up to the L-Corp website.

“I put down a deposit and three months’ rent on the apartment down the hall from yours,” Kara informed her. She’d had a busy morning. And the number of places to rent in National City were almost too many to sort through. Thankfully, Winn had been right about her savings account and being close to Nia would help with her plan. Not to mention that she needed a physical address and fast.

Inhaling a breath, she turned the screen to face Nia where the “Vacancies” page showed the application form she’d filled out.

“No,” Nia said and abruptly stood, backing away as though Kara had shown her a poisonous snake. “You can’t be serious.”

“This is the only way.”

Her Alex—maybe even her Lena—would come looking for her. Kara was certain of it. All she could do was try and help however she could in this world until then.

“Alex is going to kill you.”

“I have to go with my gut.”

“Kara, this is insane. Lena Luthor will _literally_ kill you. I realise you don’t remember her, but she blasts _kryptonite_ rays from her chest. She has a kryptonite sword. Her suit, thus far, has been impenetrable to any weapons we’ve aimed at her. She permanently stripped Superman of his powers.”

“She doesn’t know Kara Danvers.”

“You want to walk into the lion’s den, armed with only a pair of spectacles?” Nia rolled her eyes and Kara couldn’t help but chuckle.

“You’d be surprised how effective a disguise that is. Plus, Lena has no relationship with Supergirl to make the connection. By the sounds of it, you guys have been keeping me far away from her.”

“With good reason. Some of which is you and Reign destroying National City whenever you’ve fought in the past, but mostly it’s because we keep _losing_ when we face them.”

“I know and I understand. But that also means that Lena isn’t familiar enough with either Supergirl or Kara, to put two and two together. In my timeline, it took her brother telling her after three years of friendship before she noticed.” Kara cringed at the reminder, swallowed thickly, and powered on. “I called Cat Grant and she said she would vouch for me and serve as a reference. According to her records, I’ve been working for her for the last couple of years since leaving Catco, and I’m newly back in town, seeking employment.”

“Why would she do that? She’s been very vocal about how dangerous Lena is and how the government should be doing more for National City.”

“She knows that I’m Supergirl. It’s something we talk around and never admit out loud. But I told her that I’ve always wanted to be a reporter and I that this would be my first story: Going undercover to investigate Lena Luthor.”

“Do you mean that?”

“What?”

“That you want to be a reporter. Or did you just say that to her as a cover story?”

“I meant it. I-I guess without my Lena there to plant the idea of becoming a reporter in my brain, I never did in this reality, but I am a reporter where I come from. And I love it.”

Nia grinned broadly. “I knew it.”

Tilting her head, Kara furrowed her brow in question.

“You were always far too invested in the stories I pursued. I kept asking you to consider it as a career, but you made excuses about needing to be Supergirl for the people.”

Kara laughed. “Well, at least we still sort of partnered up here too. So, what do you say? Wanna work on this story with me?”

Nia’s face seemed to fluctuate between excitement and apprehension, fear, then back to excitement, before settling on determination and Kara grinned in victory, pressing send on the application.

***

Before Alex and Kelly could get home, they were all summoned to the Tower by Winn, who’d been tracking the Female Furies since their last encounter where Nia had managed to place a tracker on their leader.

“How’d you manage to get a tracker on her that she hasn’t noticed yet?” Kara wondered while they all stood with their arms crossed over their chests watching the red blip on screen heading southward fast, as though it were a jet plane. One faster than any of Earth’s technology, Mon-El noted.

“Luthor tech. Military-grade, nano-sized and digs into the skin and stays there for two weeks before it disintegrates and is absorbed into the body to be expelled. We—uh—” he looked to Alex who looked to J’onn who intently focused on the screen. “We may have borrowed some tech to help us set up our base of operations and make sure we remain undetected.”

Kara snorted. “You stole from the government.”

“I see it as us still working for the country and taking what we need to make that happen,” Alex said, her chin raised and focused back on the map with a frown. “What are they doing in Antarctica?” she wondered.

For the next thirty minutes, they watched as the blinking red dot that had previously been moving in a straight line seemed to begin to circle the South Pole and work its way in.

It took another few long minutes of Kara’s mind running through possible ancient artefacts buried in the snow, to hidden evil villain lairs, when the sudden realisation almost knocked her over and her stomach dropped to her feet.

“They’re looking for the Fortress of Solitude.”

“Kara,” Alex warned. “I swear to all the gods of all the planets in all the universes, if you speed out of here to go and stop them on your own, I will hunt you down and lock you up somewhere that I will build myself since we have nowhere that can contain you at present.”

Her voice had softened from cautionary to tentatively pleading and Kara sent her a reassuring smile and loosened her shoulders while she intently watched the red blip flying over the South Pole at tremendous speed.

Had it been a few months ago, Kara would’ve been right there. A knot in her stomach was twisting so tightly and urging her to do exactly that, but Kara’s feet remained firmly planted, images of the last time she’d been to the fortress rooting her in place.

The kryptonite Lena had used to contain her had dulled her powers. It caused a slight headache and a little bit of nausea that was entirely overshadowed by the utter pain she’d felt thinking of Lena’s distraught face.

Kara had no interest in going back there any time soon, and that apprehension grounded her enough to remember that only a Kryptonian would be able to find the fortress and get passed its defences.

“Did Mother Goodness get my blood at any point?” she asked and frowned at the snickers from Nia and Winn.

“Granny Goodness,” Nia said. “And not that we noticed, no.”

“Oh.” She ducked her head and pushed her glasses up on her face. “We should hope they find it,” she said. “The fortress security will catch and confine them a lot easier than we seem able to.”

A round of nervous chuckles sounded and faded away, as they continued to watch the red blip circling.

“Maybe we _could_ use it as a trap,” John mused.

“Let’s see if they find it first,” Alex said. “If they don’t, we can maybe lay a trap when we’re better prepared.”

Everyone nodded and Kara stood in place for hours while they moved around her and debated the pros and cons of an ambush at the fortress. Her mind was on that application she’d sent through, though. Grateful that she could count on Nia to keep it between them and sound the alarm should things go horrifically wrong.

How would she deal with the kryptonite in Lena’s chest?

Alex had said that Lena controlled the power of the rays. That the Kryptonite itself was contained in a lead encasing in her body. Kara’s heart clenched as she thought about what Metallo had looked like in her own timeline.

Was that what had happened to Lena? Was she the Metallo of this world? Kara had been able to talk to Metallo, though. Stand opposite him with only mild discomfort. Hopefully the same would go for Lena, because if she outwardly reacted to the Kryptonite as Kara Danvers…

The blip left the South Pole without having stopped anywhere and everyone let out a collective breath of relief. Perhaps it was because she had no recollection of fighting against the Female Furies, but they were the least of Kara’s concerns at that moment. Especially when her phone beeped with an email notification, asking her availability for an interview with L-Corp, in two days’ time.


	3. Chapter 3

Noonan’s looked the same and Kara was grateful for at least that little bit of consistency in her life.

She adjusted her brown leather sling bag over the shoulder of a light-blue button-up that was neatly tucked into a pair of navy-blue slacks. She’d spotted Jess through the window when she’d walked up, but pretended to scan the crowd until a waitress found her. After giving her name, she allowed herself to be led to the table, feeling Jess’s shrewd gaze on her while she still made as though she was looking for her interviewer.

“Ms Danvers,” she was formally greeted and shook the hand extended to her.

“Ms Huang, thank you for this opportunity. After reading some of L-Corp’s upcoming projects I was more determined than ever to join your team.”

They sat down and Kara tried not to awkwardly fidget under Jess’s pensive stare. She’d always been a bit intimidating, but in an admirable sort of way. Now though, she looked somehow older, wiser, tired and completely fed up, all at once.

“No need to lay it on that thick, Ms Danvers.”

Kara laughed softly and nodded. “Please call me Kara.”

“Ms Danvers, do you know how long this vacancy has been open?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t—”

“Twelve weeks,” Jess said and waved away the waiter about to ask them if they wanted a drink. Kara could really have used some water. Jess’s intensity had left her uncomfortably parched. “Let’s not pretend that you don’t know exactly who you’ll be working for.”

“Lena Luthor is a brilliant woman with National City’s best interest—”

“Stop.”

Kara jaws clenched shut.

“Listen carefully.”

She nodded.

“This job may get you killed. Do you understand that?”

“I do…”

“Then why did you apply?”

She’d been prepared for that question and straightened in her seat. “Work is scarce. L-Corp is one of the largest companies in the world. If I can secure a position for myself and help Ms Luthor keep the company running at a profit, it means not only permanent employment for me, but for the thousands of employees who work there. I’ve been at the beck and call of a powerful woman before, Ms Huang. I know the part I played in her continued success. I’m aware of the dangers of this position, but I’m also very much aware of its importance and the opportunities it will create.”

Jess sat back and studied her.

“If you could pick only one thing that an Executive Assistant should do well, what would it be?”

“Keep an organised diary, full of ample breaks, with room for flexibility in case of emergencies. In essence, be proactive rather than reactive with Ms Luthor’s schedule.”

“One strength?”

“Determination.”

“Weakness?”

“Stubbornness.”

“Why did you leave Cat Grant’s employ?”

“I missed my friends. They’re like family to me and that’s important.” Jess seemed to flinch at that and Kara remembered that this wasn’t a regular job interview. “And I won’t be mentioning family to Ms Luthor, ever.”

The corner of Jess’s mouth twitched upward, but that was as much as Kara got. She felt accomplished regardless.

“You have a patent officer in the waiting room. Reign is in Ms Luthor’s office. The patent officer has already waited ten minutes. What do you do?”

“May I ask questions regarding this hypothetical, or should I just answer?”

“What do you want to ask?”

“Has Ms Luthor instructed me never to interrupt her when she’s with Reign?”

“She has. But, she also needs this patent approval done as soon as possible and has told you it’s a priority.”

“Do I know what the patent meeting is about?”

“Yes, and it’s to finalise documentation to be submitted to the patent office which can take months. Rescheduling will cause a massive delay in the development process.”

“Will Ms Luthor have given me any authorisation privileges?”

Jess smirked and Kara relaxed. She’d signed plenty of official documents on Cat’s behalf. What she could and couldn’t authorise was made very clear to her, as was not bothering Cat with things Kara could handle herself.

“Good.” Was all Jess said without answering Kara, or waiting to hear what her solution to the dilemma was. It didn’t matter what Kara thought should happen, but what her boss had said her scope was.

“I would like you to complete these tests.” Jess placed a tablet on the table. “They should take you a minimum of three hours. I’ll be at the back of the restaurant doing some work. Please feel free to order whatever you like from the menu, and wave me over should you have any questions.”

She got up and left and Kara tapped the tablet screen on and saw five different tests, two aptitude and three psychometric. Feeling as though her interview process was far from over, she got the server’s attention and ordered two bottled waters.

***

“How’d it go?” Nia excitedly whispered where they stood in a corner next to the elevator shaft at Catco.

“Good, I think,” Kara said, not sure at all. “I’m supposed to be at L-Corp tomorrow at 7 am.”

“Early.”

“The time doesn’t surprise me, that’s normal hours for my Lena. I just don’t understand why Jess is leaving and why she’s allowing me access to Lena so early in the interview process.”

“Probably wants to throw you in the deep end to see if you’ll sink or swim.”

Kara bit her lip.

“Hey, you’ll do great. People at Catco are still talking about how you tamed Cat Grant.”

“Tamed?”

“Well, the legend has taken on a life of its own.”

Kara laughed but sobered soon after, worry and nerves overwhelming her. “I’m going to need to lie to Alex and tell her I’m spending the day with you, which means you’ll probably need to lie to her as well.”

Nia nodded, looking wary. “Do you know how long you’ll be there?”

“Jess asked for six hours. So, from seven until one o’clock. She sticks to her schedule, so I’ll message you after I’m done, but give it an hour or two before you start to panic if you don’t hear from me immediately. They may ask me to switch my phone off for security reasons. I’ll ask if I can send a message if she makes any weird requests, and let you know of any changes.”

“Are you sure about this Kara?”

She nodded firmly. “Jess is still very protective of her. I think that says a lot.”

***

Dinner with Alex and Kelly was stilted, mostly because Kara was trying to hide being a nervous wreck from a highly suspicious Alex.

“So, you hung out with Nia all day and you’re gonna do the same tomorrow?” Alex asked.

Kara nodded. “I think I want to be a reporter.”

“That’s great Kara,” Kelly said, and patted her hand which made Kara flinch with guilt and she slowly looked into Alex’s narrowed gaze.

“Yeah, that’s great. You’ll be really good at it.”

The last part was said with confidence in her abilities, despite the obvious suspicion and Kara felt chuffed despite the circumstances.

“But enough about me,” she said with an awkward little chuckle and waved her hand around the table, “when are you two getting married?”

The sip of wine Alex had taken sprayed out over their dinner and both Kelly and Kara stared at her with fond amusement as she coughed, teary eyes filled with panic and face red as a tomato.

“Your sister is definitely someone I can see myself marrying one day,” Kelly calmly said and Kara grinned at her, then at Alex who’d gone visibly soft. “But with everything happening, a wedding seems…”

“Insensitive?” Alex asked.

“Not the right time,” Kara offered and they both nodded.

“I love her very much,” Kelly told Alex, more so than Kara. “And I’m content that marriage seems to be an inevitability for us at this point.”

The look on Alex’s face made Kara jump up and clear her throat. “I’m going to my room!” she squeaked and blurred away.

Her intent had been distraction, not to start anything. She paused and turned back and even at super-speed, she wasn’t back before they’d grabbed at each other, kissing furiously.

“Uhm,” Kara said, pushing her glasses further up her face and flicked her gaze at everywhere but them. When she received no acknowledgment after almost a minute and Alex’s hands were fast travelling southward, she panicked. “ _Guys!_ ”

They jumped apart and yet somehow were still holding onto each other, blinking owlishly.

“I’m gonna go hang out with Winn, or Nia, or go sleep at the Tower, okay?”

“Kara, you don’t have to—” Alex started to protest but Kara cut her off before she could ruin the mood.

“Don’t worry about it. You two have fun without scarring me for life.”

She was out the door before Alex’s guilt could convince her to stay. Most of her things were still at the Tower, but Kara went up to the clouds again and zeroed in her gaze on Lena’s apartment. It was stalkerish, but she needed to see Lena one more time before she went to L-Corp the next day.

Before she could catch a glimpse of the CEO though, a dark shadow darting across National City, black cape fluttering behind her, caught her attention.

A pang of terror knocked the wind right out of her and Kara fled to the Tower at super-speed.

She laid awake most of the night, worrying whether Reign would recognise her as Supergirl if they were to meet face-to-face.

***

Lena wasn’t there when she arrived. This alternate dictator version of her best friend apparently did sleep. It seemed Kara had been asked to come in early so she could complete a novel-sized stack of Non-disclosure Agreements. And those were only for the duration of the interview process. She could only imagine what her employment contract might look like.

Jess had left her in the boardroom, on the floor below Lena’s office, and Kara wasn’t sure whether she was grateful that the ominous red glow present throughout the building was, in fact, mimicking Krypton’s red sun. They were harmless, despite stripping her of her powers. In fact, Clark kept an entire apartment fitted with them at the Fortress of Solitude. He spent more time there than he ever did visiting her, and it had come as no surprise when she’d learnt he was happy with his ‘human’ life.

Despite leaving her vulnerable behind enemy lines, the lights at L-Corp at least meant that Kara, for all intents and purposes, wouldn’t fail at acting human. She was certain there were cameras on her at that very moment. Jess was supposed to be getting coffee but might have been watching Kara from some security control panel.

She pushed her glasses up her nose and tried not to look guilty, which for some reason felt extremely difficult all of a sudden and she was unsure what to do with her face.

“How does Ms Luthor take her coffee?” Jess demanded upon re-entering the boardroom, making Kara jump in her seat. She’d mentioned it that morning as a throwaway, no doubt testing to see whether Kara paid attention. How was she supposed to know how often Kara had brought Lena that exact same coffee order? It had been a strange comfort that at least that little quirk of more cream than anything else, had remained the same. Like it was more proof that her Lena was still in there somewhere.

If Jess was impressed, she didn’t show it. Instead, she balanced the NDA’s, three coffees in one cup-holder, declined Kara’s offer of assistance, and took the stairs up to the floor above.

Lena wasn’t in yet. Well, she was in the building, but not in her office, Jess had explained on the way up. Apparently, she’d arrived before them and spent the morning in her private research lab. She’d called up and asked Jess to reschedule her eight-thirty meeting and Jess took her coffee down to the lab, leaving Kara alone with the burning desire to see into Lena’s office.

She remained seated on the visitor’s chair, though. Snooping would only create suspicion and distrust.

Jess returned and instructed Kara to reschedule Lena’s meeting, and watched her work the calendar on the computer. Kara knew she impressed her again by asking how many devices it was synced with and how notifications were managed. Nothing Jess asked her to do or answer that morning was a surprise, and she finally relaxed, absently organising through paperwork that wasn’t her own with a practiced ease until the elevator dinged open.

Kara froze.

Her heart gave a painful thud and her stomach bottomed out.

It could have been anyone, but the hairs at the back of her neck rose and she slowly turned her head to where Lena stepped out of the elevator, dressed in that black military-style outfit she’d worn in her emergency broadcast, with that same meticulously pinned, 1950’s chic hairstyle. Her lips were a stark, dark red against her pale face and smoky eye makeup highlighted the piercing green of her eyes.

Jess spoke a mile a minute, filling Lena in, who absently listened while she walked, posture perfect and rigid.

Kara rose from her seat as she neared, legs shaking and feeling too many things at once that she couldn’t even begin to decipher.

Lena’s eyes locked onto her, and Kara’s stomach swooped, her lips parted and her breath escaped in a rush.

And what was different now? Besides the hair and the clothes? Lena had always been exceptionally beautiful. So much so, that it made Kara’s brain stutter a little at times. But this was something new… Wasn’t it? This physical response to Lena’s face.

And in complete opposition to Kara’s extreme reaction, Lena simply dismissed her presence as though she were part of the furniture. She continued on to her office, leaving a breathless Kara in her wake, who shakily lowered back into the chair and had only a few seconds to attempt and pull herself together before Jess loomed over her.

“Your application has been denied, Ms Danvers.”

“Wait. What? I mean, excuse me?”

“You may leave your I.D. badge at the front desk on your way out.”

“I don’t understand—”

“I should’ve known only some lovesick groupie would apply for this job. And here I was, falling for your lies. Ms Luthor does not need the likes of you to have access to her person.”

“The likes of—groupie—what? No. It’s not—” Kara cut herself off, realising exactly how she’d just acted. Almost starstruck.

“Je—Ms Huang, please give me another chance. I promise that won’t happen again. She’s a powerful woman and it was a little overwhelming seeing her up close.”

“Your reaction wasn’t a _little_ of anything, Ms Danvers. That was a lot. A lot of shit that Ms Luthor does not need to deal with.”

Kara was momentarily surprised at the curse word. This Jess was even less inclined to put up with any nonsense.

“My mother’s sick,” Jess said and Kara sobered from her shock, remembering the reason the Jess in her timeline had needed to leave Lena’s employ, leaving the door open for a variety of assistants to come in and mess with Lena’s life. “Every day I’ve wasted on you, is a day I lost with her.”

Kara sunk lower in her seat.

“Ms Luthor told me to leave three months ago when we learnt of her diagnosis. I’ve been flying in between Metropolis and National City at L-Corp’s expense because I’ve been unable to find a suitable replacement.”

“I’m the best person for this job and you know it.”

“Ms Luthor’s attention is constantly being pulled towards… _protecting_ National City. She’s brilliant and dangerous and very capable of changing our world. I need someone who will remind her of why she came to National City in the first place. Why she re-branded L-Corp. Why I left a career in Metropolis to follow her here. Because I believe in her that much. I need someone to support her and remind her of her vision. Not some fangirl who wants to get into her pants!”

Kara opened her mouth to protest but was silenced by a firm shake of Jess’s head. “You don’t have the correct passion required for this position, Ms Danvers. And I’m going to ask you to leave the premises one final time, before I call security.”

Kara gathered her things under Jess’s angry glare and stood. “I believe in Lena Luthor more than you’ll ever know,” she murmured and took her leave, knowing enough about Jess to know that the threat of security hadn’t been an idle one.

***

“Come in!” Kara growled from where she lay spread out on Alex and Kelly’s sofa. The door opened and closed and Kara peeked from beneath the forearm covering her face at Nia, who looked to be holding in a laugh even as concerned eyes scanned her body.

“What happened?” she asked and sat down on the armchair.

Kara removed her arm and blinked at her friend, pouting miserably. “I honestly don’t know. Things were going fine and then I saw her and I was probably inappropriate, but seeing her like that was _a lot_ to take in, you know?”

“I don’t know, actually. But I can imagine,” Nia said, packing out their lunch onto the table and the delicious smell of noodles had Kara rising from the couch like Frankenstein’s monster and sitting upright. “So, what’s the plan now?”

“I have no idea,” Kara said. “Aside from working for L-Corp, I don’t know how I’d be able to get close to her.”

“I’ve never seen you like this about someone we’ve been up against.”

Kara paused her search for chopsticks and frowned and Nia. “Am I very different?”

“What do you mean?”

“Am I different from how you knew me before a few days ago when I woke up with no memory of this world?”

“Oh…” Nia said and fiddled with the flap on her carton of noodles. “Uhm…I guess you are.”

“How?”

“You’re not as…intense, as you were before?”

“Intense? _Me?_ ”

“Well, not intense-intense. Just a little intense.”

Kara stared confusedly; certain she wasn’t sure what that meant.

“You took me under your wing. I have the control over my powers I do now, because of how you pushed me to be the best hero I can be.”

“Oh.”

“Before, even when Lena Luthor took over National City, you would still go out on patrol. You were always patrolling, looking to see where you could help. The HOPE robots cause more harm than good. Too many people panic when they engage them and end up being attacked. You made sure to be there when those misunderstandings happened.”

“And I don’t now…”

“Well, you hardly know what it’s been like.”

“I’ll go out patrolling again.”

“No one wants you patrolling with Reign and the Female Furies out there waiting for you, Kara. I was just answering your question, not trying to make you feel guilty.”

She nodded, but made up her mind to go out later. It was lunchtime and Nia was due back at work soon. The least she could do was get an idea of what this world truly was like and stop avoiding it because she didn’t want to believe that Lena was responsible for so much destruction.

Her phone rang and she startled, answering warily when she saw it was a private number calling.

“Hello?”

“Kara Danvers?” Jess asked, causing Kara’s stomach to flip and her gaze shot to Nia.

“Yes, this is she.”

“Ms Luthor would like to see you tomorrow morning at 9 am. Are you available?”

Kara felt her eyes widening, her stomach doing a barrel roll. “Uh. Yes. _Yes_. I’ll be there. Do I need to bring anything?”

“No.” Jess sounded angry and annoyed. “Please don’t be late. Goodbye.”

Kara held the phone to her ear even when the line went dead and simply stared at Nia’s confused face.

“What?” Nia mouthed at her.

All she could do was shakily lower her phone onto the table and stare at it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like the idea that Kara too was affected by not being friends with Lena.  
> Hope you enjoyed the update!  
> @NotSoEvilPanda


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for the interest in this fic, I'll be replying to all your comments tomorrow!

Both she and Nia were exponentially more nervous about Kara going to L-Corp this second time around. Mostly because Jess had said that Lena requested her presence. No mention was made of the interview process whatsoever and given that it was Lena Luthor, she may have had some way of determining that Kara was Supergirl.

Somehow.

On paper, Kara hadn’t been in National City for the past couple of years. It was the perfect cover and would keep her friends safe. There was nothing that could connect her to Alex, the D.E.O., or Supergirl. Her alter-ego having lived some militant, hermit lifestyle in the Tower, made sure of that.

Despite that, Kara felt wholly unprepared for her meeting. It was only Nia reminding her that Kara had said Lena was Brainy levels of smart and knew how to neutralise Reign that got her pushing aside her apprehension. It was left unsaid that Lena might be able to help Brainy too.

Brainy had been worried what would happen if he turned off his inhibitors. He’d been afraid of exactly what happened in this reality… She couldn’t tell Nia that, though. What were the ethical considerations of switching him ‘on and off’ like he wasn’t an individual who should be able to make his own choices? Or should the inhibitors be looked at like medication?

She would cross that bridge when she got there. First, she would need to impress Lena.

The entire plan felt utterly absurd when she walked into L-Corp. She and Nia had hyped each other into believing that this was still a good idea and eventually settled on Kara having no other choice but to go, since she was on Lena’s radar now. Nia had called in sick to work and would be waiting outside to offer whatever backup she could. Kara didn’t have the heart to tell her how much more stressful her potential involvement in this mess made everything.

She was five minutes early, as was standard meeting etiquette, and sat on the couch opposite Jess’s desk, silently freaking out. Jess’s glare was so icy, it could re-freeze the polar caps, solving the climate change problem, yet offered no enlightenment on why Kara was there.

The minutes flew by way too fast and Jess called in to Lena’s office to announce Kara. Glowering, she got up and held the door open, glaring holes into Kara’s head when she anxiously passed the frosty EA and Kara jumped in her skin when the door softly clicked shut behind her.

Lena’s office was as dark and cold as the rest of L-Corp. An unfamiliar black leather couch had her frowning for some inexplicable reason, before she remembered that she was a stranger in this space, and looked to where Lena sat behind a shiny, black, Plexiglas desk, in front of a wall of tinted, transparent, glass that led to the balcony. She was dressed in her military outfit, collar hugging her neck and hair pinned to perfection, staring blankly at Kara.

“Ms Luthor,” Kara breathed in greeting and slowly walked toward the desk.

“Have a seat, Ms Danvers.”

A shiver went down her spine at the sound of Lena’s voice. Had she missed her? When last had they spoken? When last did they just smile at each other and were happy to sit down and laugh together…?

Kara lowered into the offered seat and tried not to stare at Lena’s chest and failed miserably. There was no green glow, and only the raised hairs on her arms alerted Kara of the presence of kryptonite. Or maybe it was simply because she knew it was there. The Red Sun lights neutralised it as effectively as it did Kara’s powers.

_Small mercies._

Lena cleared her throat and Kara’s gaze snapped up into piercing green eyes.

“S-sorry—I wasn’t—I thought—”

“Let me guess,” Lena interrupted. “You were looking at my heart and not my breasts?” she deadpanned and Kara released a shaky chuckle, uncertain whether Lena was joking, or not. By the blank look on her face, she was serious, Kara realised too late, and clenched her jaw. Lena had assumed correctly that Kara was staring at her kryptonite heart. The embarrassing alternative would’ve been preferable at that moment.

“My sincerest apologies, Ms Luthor,” Kara said, inhaling a fortifying breath. “I didn’t mean to stare.”

Lena was disinterested in her apology and didn’t seem to think enough of her to feel offended.

“You will take this job,” she instructed instead. “You may quit in no less than one month and you will not mention this conversation to Ms Huang. Understood?”

Unbidden, a massive grin spread across Kara’s face, only stopped by the dead stare from Lena.

“I understand, Ms Luthor. Thank you.”

“Good. Please go sit and wait twenty minutes.” She motioned to the couch, revealing a men’s watch on her wrist. Kara only noticed it, because so few people wore watches anymore. Save for the Superfriends back home. And before her mood could sink any lower at the knowledge that it wasn’t Kara’s watch Lena was wearing, she went to do as was ordered of her, sending Lena surreptitious glances as the CEO and—what was her designated title in National City now?—worked on her laptop.

Kara would find out later, in that moment she remained transfixed on the sharpness of Lena’s jaw, the downturn of her full, red, lips. Despite the cold rigidity of her perfect posture, an air of melancholy hung over her that made Kara itch to hold her close.

She rubbed her hands on her pants, sweaty like they never got under the yellow sun and purposely looked away, before she got caught staring again. Lena was all the way on the other side of the room and yet her presence dominated the entire space. And how? Just how could she be saying and doing so little and make Kara feel so much? It could only be their past friendship thickening the air between them, right?

Kara’s guilt, longing, and hope to make things better, weighed heavily in the air.

Unable to resist, she risked another glance and Lena’s eyes shifted from her laptop screen as though she could feel the curious stare. Stuck in that gaze again, desperate to find some familiarity, Kara couldn’t move and too long a moment had passed for her to play it off as accidental. That maybe she’d been looking out the window and just so happened to settle on Lena’s gorgeous face, who studied her with a slight tilt of her head. Kara could practically feel the way Lena’s gaze dragged up from the toes of Kara’s shoes and up the length of her legs. It swerved across the curve of her waist, and heated up her chest and neck, before languidly searching her face.

She felt naked. Her heart raced and her stomach fluttered with nervous energy. Yet, Kara sat up straighter, preened a little, her entire body coming alive beneath Lena’s intense perusal.

The attention wasn’t new. Lena had always looked. In a way that made Kara feel _seen_ for the first time. This examination, however, seemed more clinical. Done with the same pristine disinterest a chef would examine an avocado. And when Lena focused back on her screen, Kara wasn’t sure whether she’d been placed back on the shelf or not. Found bruised and wanting.

“I’ve authorised your employment,” Lena announced and the rapid clicking of her keyboard stopped. “You’ll be on payroll as of tomorrow, but are only required to officially start on the first of the next calendar month. Ms Huang will escort you to HR and make arrangements for your training.”

Kara stood, and knew she was pushing it even before she spotted the wave of irritation that crossed Lena’s features when she anxiously approached the desk. Stopping beside it, she presented a hand to shake, unsure why she had such an overwhelming need to touch Lena.

“That will be all, Ms Danvers,” Lena said, ignoring Kara’s hand that she awkwardly pulled back to her body and shakily lowered to her side.

“Thank you for this opportunity, Ms Luthor. I won’t let you down,” Kara promised far too softly and sincerely for it to be entirely professional, but Lena was already glued to her laptop screen again and Kara quietly left the office, sparing one last longing look over her shoulder.

Lena was doing it for Jess.

Kara was being hired for the sole purpose of getting Jess to leave and spend time with her ailing mother.

***

Her training was a breeze. Cat had prepared her for all of the administrative duties Jess upheld. It was only a matter of familiarising herself with the company and Lena’s specific needs and schedule. People seemed to keep their communication via email, telephone and Skype calls, for the most part. Since Jess hadn’t specified it as a preference, she could only assume that Lena wasn’t the one requesting it like that.

She was given access to a lot of Lena and L-Corp’s financial accounts, work communications devices and received a security clearance level only a step lower than Lena herself. Kara would’ve been more surprised by that, had she not read through her contract where she was passive-aggressively threatened with criminal litigation should she use any of the information she’d learnt for whatever purpose, outside of work. It was heavily implied that Reign may or may not find that a reason to take an interest in her.

Lena didn’t care who knew what, because she most likely had ways of monitoring everything Kara accessed and Kara would be eliminated the second she overstepped her privileges. The clearance level instantly became more of a burden than a way to help her and Nia’s investigation along.

Regardless, she subtly took pictures of the computer screen with her phone and sent Nia to look into some monthly payments being made to a painfully familiar name, not in L-Corp’s employ.

Reign and Brainy hadn’t shown up yet and Kara could focus on proving herself day after day, somewhat soothed that the Red Sun lights would take away Reign’s powers too and was encouraged when she saw the way Jess’s shoulders loosened as the week progressed. She even received a genuine smile once. Considering that Lena ignored her existence entirely and would most likely fire her at the end of her first month of employ, Kara was at least comforted that Jess would get to go home to her family with peace of mind.

She left at the end of the week. The staff had a little party in the break room for her. Lena was a no show, which was probably for the best, since Jess seemed the only one not absolutely terrified of her. Come Monday, Kara would man the desk outside Lena’s office all on her own. Lena would need to acknowledge her then, right?

She had no idea what Monday would bring, but it was Saturday and her apartment was finally fully furnished. Despite worrying about her staying on her own, Alex did seem happy for her, and had gotten her most of the items that decorated her new place. They would do ‘until she got a job as a reporter after shadowing Nia for a few months’. That was the story they’d spun to explain where Kara would be during the day. An excuse that probably wouldn’t hold up very long, knowing Alex.

She wasn’t sure whether she was changing too much, but the her of the world she found herself in, seemed to have forgotten that she was Kara Danvers. Getting her an apartment a stone’s throw away from an excellent friend, could only be an improvement to her life.

A knock on the door had her scanning the hallway on instinct and Kara was surprised to find Kelly outside. Brows knitted together, she went to open with a tentative smile.

“Did Alex give you the wrong time?” Kara grinned, which was easily matched by Kelly.

“No, I know I’m a bit early, but I come bearing gifts,” she said and stepped aside to reveal a very large cardboard box that came up to her hip and could probably fit two foetal position Kelly’s inside. “I thought I’d see if you needed help with anything before everyone got here for Game Night.”

Suspiciously, Kara wordlessly invited her to enter and went to pick up the box that wasn’t as heavy as its size suggested, which explained how Kelly got to her door by herself. She carried it over to her ugly bargain bin couch and sat the box on the floor next to the coffee table before taking a seat beside it on the armchair, and carefully watched Kelly watching her.

“Are you going to open it?” Kelly asked.

“Are you here to psychoanalyse me?”

“It’s not advised to treat friends and family,” she easily replied. “If you’re interested in talking about matters you feel you can’t talk to me or Alex about, then I _can_ refer you to someone.”

“To someone I can talk to about my super-secret secret? And my possibly magical brain problems?”

“Touché,” Kelly agreed. “I’m here as a friend, Kara. Often times, that’s all that’s needed.”

“I’m fine, thanks.”

“Are you?”

“I thought you said you weren’t here in a professional capacity?”

“I’m not. You’ve always been distant and you and I haven’t spent as much time together as I would’ve liked—”

“We didn’t have game nights?”

“We did. Not so much recently. And I’m the newest to the group.”

“I thought you and Alex have been seeing each other for almost a year?”

Kelly laughed. “Nine months. It feels longer, but in the best way.”

Kara smiled too but then frowned. “I didn’t make an effort to get to know you?”

“You were always pleasant and supportive. Welcomed me into your friend group and more recently into the League.”

Kara nodded, her stomach twisting uncomfortably like it did now whenever she listened to people describe her to herself. She scowled at the space between them. The disturbing thing was, Kara had thought about only being Supergirl before. She’d considered how much easier it would be to let go of her ‘human’ life. Too many times she’d felt completely and utterly alien in her own skin. Fighting the bad guy of the week and trying to hide that you were doing that from a building full of co-workers, with a clueless boss shouting you down, was always exhausting. Too often, it simply seemed unnecessary to bother with that separate life, when the majority of people she was close to knew her as Supergirl.

Kelly just left her to her thoughts and Kara grew angry at her for it, glaring slightly at her looking all relaxed on the couch like any of this was normal.

“Why are you here?”

“You may not remember, but we’ve had some nice conversations since you took me under your wing as Guardian.”

“I remember just fine.”

Kelly tilted her head. “You do?”

“I remember my timeline perfectly well.”

“Of course,” Kelly said. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be insensitive, or dismissive. It’s a little hard for me to wrap my head around, so I can only imagine what it must be like for you.”

Kara snorted out a little wry laugh. “Yeah, it’s been…it’s been a lot.”

“Understandably so, which is why we’re so…intrigued by your actions of late.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re pursuing a new career. You’re moving into a new home. Not once in the last couple of weeks, have you expressed any interest in J’onn and Mon-El’s investigation into new magic users in National City that may have targeted you. You haven’t asked about the Female Furies that were flying over a place that’s very special to you, or mentioned the two instances Reign and Brainy have had very public altercations with us, without you there…”

Kara hung her head, unsure how to respond to all that. Kelly didn’t seem angry at her for not fighting with them. But she should have been there. What if one of them had gotten hurt?

“I thought I was supposed to stay out of Reign’s way?”

“Preferably,” Kelly said. “We haven’t done anything criminal that she’s aware of and she therefor doesn’t pursue us unless we get in her way. You got in her way a lot, so she’s not as lenient with your presence. The plan now is to save those we can and bide our time until we find a way out of this.”

Kara nodded.

“This world is new to you, Kara. And in a way, you’re somewhat new to us too.” Kelly’s face was infuriatingly kind. “You’re still Kara and we still love you and want to support you. But you need to let us know what you need in order for us to do that.”

Kara nodded again.

“Right now, it seems as though you’re hiding.”

“From Reign?”

“From this world. From the people who care about you…”

She wasn’t though. She had a plan. And because it was such a dangerous one, she couldn’t tell them that she was still fighting, only in her own way. That even though it might look as though she’d abandoned them, she hadn’t. That she would never.

“Do you believe I’m your Kara with my brain a little scrambled, or do you believe that I’m here from an alternate world and your Kara is probably in my world?”

“Well, either seem a possibility given my newfound awareness of multiple Earths even though you’ve said they get destroyed... We simply don’t know. Hopefully, J’onn will get some information soon. I’m certain that if you’re from an alternate world, your Alex will be working to make things right on that side too. Which is a comforting thought.”

Kara returned her smile. “That’s what I’ve been thinking. And if I’m really your Kara, these changes I’m making feel right to me. Do you know what I mean?”

“I can imagine the excitement of finding a new direction for your life and pursuing your wants. There’s no shame in taking a step back, re-evaluating, and making decisions based on your own needs.”

“But?”

“No buts, Kara.”

“Then what has you and Alex so worried?”

“Mildly concerned. From all I know of you, you would be leading the charge against Lena Luthor despite Alex’s attempt to cover you in bubble wrap and ship you as far away from harm as possible. We’ve come to expect some resistance.”

“I’m fighting and investigating in my own way.”

“In your own secret way?”

Kara froze.

“Don’t worry, I won’t say anything, because I honestly don’t know anything.”

“You just need to trust me, okay? I don’t like hiding things from you guys, but I need to hide this for a little while.”

When Lena came to National City, she hadn’t done a single thing wrong and people had distrusted her and treated her horribly. They’d shouted her guilt with confidence based on nothing other than who her brother was. Kara could only imagine the reactions if they knew what she was doing with _this_ Lena. The entire situation was a massive powder keg and Alex the lit match to keep away from it at all cost.

Kelly nodded in understanding even though she couldn’t possibly know. “Open your present.”

Kara eagerly obeyed, happy that Kelly was respecting her decisions, and gasped when she discovered its contents, slowly unpacking each item with reverence.

“Alex talks about you a lot,” she said and Kara smiled bashfully as she placed the set of paint brushes on the coffee table. “She’s so proud of you and enjoys talking about what a brat she was when you joined the family.”

Kara laughed fondly at the memories she was pleasantly flooded with, taking out an easel and gently resting it against the couch.

“You and I also briefly spoke about how lonely it could be, being Supergirl. Not for lack of people who love you, but of how difficult it is for us to truly understand what it’s like carrying all that responsibility on your shoulders; of the immense losses you’ve suffered, and the complex relationships you have with your biological family, both here and with us no longer…”

Thickly swallowing, Kara gave a jerky nod.

“We’re happy that you’re remembering Kara Danvers again. The pace at which you’re going about it, is a bit worrisome though.” She smiled amusedly so Kara relaxed a little and smiled back. “I asked Alex about hobbies you enjoyed. And she didn’t even have to think about it.”

“She told you I enjoyed painting?”

“And drawing,” Kelly said. “There’s a sketchbook, pencils and coal, in there too. I don’t have an artistic bone in my body, so I got you a little bit of everything. I hope it can be a way for you to express your emotions when you might not yet have the words, or the understanding, of what you feel…”

Her chest clenched and it was like Kelly knew that Kara was on the brink of bursting, because she opened her arms and Kara was wrapped in them a second later.

***

Game night was just what she needed to find her equilibrium again. Her friends and family were the same people, and at times a little different. Nothing too jarring; the people who seemed to have changed the most in that reality, were her and Lena.

Kara loved them, but on Sunday, she was happy to have a day of quiet with her thoughts.

It was second nature to set up her easel next to the large window in her living room.

A swath of green on the white canvas and Kara instantly knew where the painting was going.

She painted Lena in oil, dressed in the uniform she wore each day. Her hair done the same. But her face was the one she’d seen in Lena’s apartment. Soft and sad, a glittering fat tear, streaking down her cheek.

Kara sat there until late into the night and when she finished, she ran a trembling finger across the red of Lena’s lips and wondered what she was doing. Their dynamic had changed and yet Kara still felt their connection as strong as ever. Perhaps it was entirely one-sided, but she couldn’t imagine any world where she and Lena weren’t friends. It felt inevitable that they would end up at each other’s side.

Something outside her window caught Kara’s eye, tearing her from her thoughts. A bright, white, ball of light seemed to float outside the glass, wispy tendrils sprouting from it like thick and heavy, slow-motion lightning. When she walked over to investigate, the ball disappeared and Kara blinked, going to open the window and searched her small balcony.

It must’ve been a reflection from somewhere. Someone in the block opposite playing around, perhaps.

Frowning, she convinced herself she must have imagined it and went back to stare at Lena’s tragically beautiful face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, I know. You want more Lena. But Kara is a dumbarse and needs to sort out her shit. Some nice Lena interactions coming next chapter though and Kara has an eye-opening experience. Ooh la la...  
> Stay tuned!
> 
> @NotSoEvilPanda


	5. Chapter 5

Monday proved uneventful.

As did Tuesday and Wednesday.

Kara received minimal instruction and a stiff nod and no eye contact, when she cheerily greeted Lena each morning.

At least she had a million things to do to occupy herself with, while a tingling anticipation persistently buzzed through her veins. A need to do _something_. Talk to her again, at the very least. But if Kara was honest with herself, Lena ignoring her, offered some relief as well. It didn’t escape her that she was repeating history by attempting to befriend Lena Luthor—an even more closed off and mistrustful one—for the second time round. And that she was doing it under extremely false pretences.

She could hardly go up to this Lena and tell her she was Supergirl, though.

_Imagine._

It was on Thursday, when she was seriously considering working out her month and hightailing it out of there to find another way back to her world and her Lena, when things took a turn. Lena left her office just after lunch, her laptop slung over one tense shoulder, her handbag across the other.

“I’m going home for the day, Ms Danvers,” she said, walking past the desk, as per usual not bothering to spare Kara a glance.

Kara hadn’t realised how much a person could miss being looked at by a specific set of eyes. She watched Lena the way she usually did, followed her rigid stalking until she reached for the elevator button and then slumped forward, bracing her palm against the wall to keep herself standing.

Cursing the red lights, it felt like an eternity before Kara made it to her side, nearly tripping over her own feet in her haste. She was a lot clumsier under the Red Sun lights, more because her senses and reactions felt dulled and slow. Thankfully, she reached Lena without faceplanting, or knocking anything over, and instinctively took the laptop bag and dipped beneath Lena’s arm. She placed the bag across her own shoulder, and circled Lena’s waist with her other arm and _oh_ … She hadn’t thought through how close they would be.

Lena seemed similarly stunned by Kara’s handling of her body and green eyes intently searched her face, lips slightly parted in shock.

Readying for a scathing reprimand, Kara stood stock-still and held Lena up, her heart furiously pounding as it was practically pressed up against kryptonite. All Kara could feel though, was the softness of Lena squished against her ribcage and she held her breath, her body jerking when the elevator announced its arrival with a loud, obnoxious, _ding_.

The doors slid open and Lena made no move to enter, or instruct Kara on what to do next. So, she remained still and waited, listening to the doors softly gliding closed again. The air crackled between them, Kara growing hot and she was pretty sure she might pass out as she willed her jelly-like legs to settle. Her body felt weak and was seemingly always on fire when Lena was around.

She’d blown out her powers before, but hadn’t experienced any of the systems that plagued her since starting her job at L-Corp. The Red Sun lights must have some side-effects, though considering that her people had lived beneath it for millennia, unharmed, it couldn’t be that affecting her, could it? Unless the fact that it was synthesized played a roll in her extreme physical reactions around Lena.

A twitch from the hand over her shoulder drew Kara’s attention to Lena’s pinched expression. With a pained wince, she seemed to curl into herself. Into Kara.

“A-Are you okay?” Kara softly asked.

“Migraine,” she gritted out.

Kara nodded. “I’ll take you home, Ms Luthor.”

“No need. I took some painkillers. I’ll be fine in a moment.”

Ignoring her, Kara leaned forward, subtlety inhaling the scent of Lena’s hair beneath her nose, as she reached for the elevator button, thankful that it was still there and the doors immediately slid open.

Lena still smelled familiar, perhaps not exactly the same, but achingly recognisable…

“You gave Thomas the day off, Ms Luthor, and I don’t think you should be driving right now. Your calls will be diverted to my cell and I’ll come back to the office once I’ve dropped you at home.”

She met no resistance when she walked forward; Lena moving with her. After pressing the button for the basement garage, they stood in the centre of the elevator, arms around each other. Kara held onto Lena’s waist and the calloused hand that lay over her shoulder. Lena’s hands used to be very soft, though Kara couldn’t say the one she held now was any less perfect. And she wondered if, like Alex, _this_ Lena enjoyed playing around with weapons.

Her stomach did a little flip. Blasted lights.

The proximity was intimate, and yet Lena had never felt so distant. Touching her had always felt good and warm. Sure, there was a little bit of apprehension in the start, natural in any new friendship. But never did it feel awkward like it did now. Like Kara was doing something wrong.

The second they stepped out of the building, some tension left Lena’s tightly coiled body, Kara’s powers came rushing back, and they both inhaled as though breaking through the water’s surface and gasping for air.

Her knees immediately grew weak and a dull ache lightly throbbed at the back of her skull, bearable, but growing in irritation. Kara was therefore thankful when Lena moved away from her and rummaged around in her handbag.

She held out her hand with more confidence than she felt, and those eyes were on her again, so very intense and unreadable, before Lena quietly handed the car keys over.

The ride was silent. Lena had put on a pair of sunglasses that covered most of her face and Kara intently stared at the road while every other sense was focused on the woman beside her and how soft and slow her heartbeat was. She hadn’t known that she’d memorised its exact cadence until that very moment when her mind made its unwanted comparisons. Each bah-bump was more like a muffled _thu_ - _thunk_. Slower than any human heart she’d ever heard before, than it was safe for it to be. Kara wasn’t certain how to describe it, but it sounded artificial; Lena’s blood coursed through her body like the gentle hum of a finely tuned machine.

Her own heart ached as it raced, because she was in the car with _kryptonite_. Kryptonite that was inside of _Lena_.

It was like this world hated her and paired something she loved with something that could kill her. Not for the first time, she wondered if this universe was some test. Given what happened in their reality, maybe if they could become friends here, with all of these obstacles, then maybe it would prove to Lena that their friendship was genuine. It was why Kara had fought so hard for this position. Why she was exposing herself to poison. They had to be in some sort of simulation. Like with the Black Mercy parasite, but instead of a perfect fantasy, you were stuck in a horrible nightmare and the only way out was to do the impossible thing: Befriend a Lena Luthor with a heart made of kryptonite.

Lena didn’t ask how Kara knew where she lived, nor did she comment when Kara picked up her laptop bag as though it was some heavy cargo that Lena needed assistance with. She followed Lena into the elevator and began the process of rescheduling Lena’s afternoon on her cell phone on their way up. On the top floor, they exited into the foyer of Lena’s penthouse suite and found none other than Lillian Luthor waiting there, an obviously fake smile on her face.

Lena immediately tensed again, even as she lifted her chin.

“Mother,” she greeted and walked toward her door, using a hand and eye biometric scanner to enter her apartment.

Kara lingered back when Lillian followed Lena inside and when the door remained open, she cautiously entered as well and was instantly drained of her powers again. Neither Luthor paid her any mind as they faced off in the living area and Kara hovered by the door, awaiting instruction.

“What are you doing here?” Lena asked.

“I can’t want to visit you?”

“During the day? While I’m working?”

“You’re obviously not working right now and I knew your security would let you know that I was here.”

With an eye-roll, Lena lowered herself on to one end of the couch and Lillian sat down at the other and Kara shifted on the balls of her feet, wanting to become invisible.

“I don’t want you here.”

“You’re looking paler than usual…More migraines?”

They spoke as though she wasn’t even there and Kara hated that the complete disregard actually made her feel small. She cleared her throat, hoping to be dismissed, and found two pairs of cold eyes trained on her for a second before Lillian looked back at Lena.

“And who is this?”

Lena smirked lightly. “This is Kara Danvers. My _lover_.”

It took a second to register what she’d heard and then Kara choked on nothing but air. Neither mother or daughter seemed to care whether she was dying or not.

Lillian sighed and shook her head. Unimpressed. “Really?”

“Yes. We met three weeks ago. I’m head over heels in love.”

The words made Kara feel sad for some reason. They were petty and childish and clearly only said to provoke Lillian, but the impassivity with which Lena had said them…

“And what does Ms Danvers do?” Lillian asked, eyes assessing Kara as though she was suddenly of relevance.

“She’s my secretary.” Lena almost smiled, but the twist in her lips was bitter. “I plan to marry her next month. No need for a pre-nup. I just know it’s going to be forever.”

Lillian seemed to finally catch on that Lena wasn’t the least bit serious and relaxed back in her chair.

“Must you provoke me every chance you get?”

“Must you force yourself into my life despite not being wanted?”

“Need I remind you that I saved your life?”

“And I repaid you by allowing you to keep yours and the comforts you’ve grown accustomed to.”

_Murder._

They were actually discussing murder in front of her with the same cool, unaffected, poise of high society ladies talking about the weather.

“Someone needs to save you from yourself, Lena. You’re spiralling out of control. This isn’t you.”

Kara wanted to agree with that part, but Lena laughed dryly. “Kara, darling. Get me a drink.”

She bristled. Lena didn’t spare her a glance, trusting the order would be followed. The temptation to be defiant was strong, but Lillian’s eyes twinkled at her in anticipation. Perhaps waiting for her to deny Lena and most likely make some comment as to how Lena couldn’t even control her ‘secretary’.

And so, Kara placed the laptop on a side-table by the door and walked over to the liquor tray she spotted across the room, feeling Lena’s eyes burning into her back and promptly forgot how to walk normally.

“You have her well-trained. At least she’s of some use. A way to pass the time until you find someone more suitable.”

And wow. Really? They simply didn’t see her as a person, did they? She was just a thing to be bought and used and then discarded. Never had her Lena ever made Kara feel less than. Her Lena had made Kara feel competent and heard; like she could do _anything_.

“I am my father’s daughter,” Lena drawled, gaze intently on Kara while she made her way over with Lena’s favourite Irish whiskey.

She accepted the drink Kara handed her, their fingers didn’t brush and Kara was left awkwardly standing there for a moment, unsure where to go, and then decided to sit in the armchair at Lena’s flank.

“In that you also can’t keep your hands off of the help?” Lillian retorted.

Lena took a slow sip of her drink and Kara watched her throat bob above that collar. She’d never seen Lena’s neck and upper torso that covered before. It seemed suffocating. As off as everything else in this world.

“In that I too will marry a blond far beneath my stature. I suspect though, that Kara will raise my children a lot better and won’t drive me to drown myself in liquor to survive our marriage.”

Lillian jumped up with a glare, lips pulled into a vicious snarl. “How dare—”

“Careful now,” the warning came out smooth and confident, and stopped Lillian in her tracks. She was fuming, but didn’t say a word as Lena slowly rose to her feet and tilted her head to look up at her mother, the whiskey snifter lightly dangling from her fingers. “I am the only _true_ Luthor in this room,” Lena reminded. “ _You_ are nothing. My legacy will echo through generations and you’ll be lucky to be named as the woman who lived in the house I was sequestered to in between boarding school semesters.”

“You ungrateful little—”

“Please, continue,” Lena casually threatened and Lillian froze again, her mouth snapping shut. “Don’t make me strip you of the Luthor name, _Mother_. What was your maiden name again? Something bland and forgettable, no doubt.”

Lillian only glared and Lena’s smirk grew. “Leave. _Now_ ,” she ordered, and downed her drink while Lillian stalked out the door and slammed it shut behind her.

Kara’s mouth hadn’t closed once as she sat there in shock. She almost felt sorry for Lillian, but she’d played a big part in moulding Lena. In hurting her and making her feel unwanted and unworthy. It filled her with a misplaced pride that this Lena was standing up to her. Perhaps not in a healthy way, but standing up to her nonetheless.

“Your services are no longer required, Ms Danvers. You may ask Bill downstairs to call you a town car to take you back to the office.”

That certainly shook Kara out of her stupor and she stood, watching Lena walk over to the liquor tray and get her own refill. She took her time and when she turned back around, had the utter audacity to look surprised that Kara still stood there, fists clenched at her sides.

“Something I can help you with?” Lena asked, stalking closer and Kara straightened her spine and pushed out her chest.

“What just happened was unprofessional, disrespectful and certainly not in my job description, Ms Luthor,” Kara evenly stated, standing her ground when Lena walked right into her personal space, her heels placing them face-to-face.

“Your job description is whatever I tell you it is, Ms Danvers. Don’t forget who you’re talking to.”

“Oh, I haven’t forgotten.”

“A friendly reminder then, of how easily replaceable you are.”

Kara laughed and a delicious shiver went up her spine at the way Lena’s eyes darkened in irritation.

“We both know that no one wants to take this job. I’m all you’ve got, and I’m darn good at what I do.”

Green eyes flashed with surprise, then Lena seemed affronted, eventually her eyes burnt with challenge and Kara’s stomach swooped in excitement.

How had she never noticed how in tuned her entire mood was to Lena’s?

When Lena was sad, Kara’s mood dropped along with hers. When Lena was happy, Kara felt like she was soaring. They played off of each other like a ping-pong match, and now _this_. This dark and sinful Lena, who had none of the boundaries around Kara that her Lena had upheld. _This_ Lena, pressed up so close, Kara could feel her breath on her lips and the soft hum of kryptonite that buzzed across her skin. She could practically taste the whiskey on Lena’s lips.

_Rao, she wanted to taste it so badly._

_This_ Lena was dangerous and unpredictable. She made Kara feel reckless and obstinate.

“Get out,” Lena lowly growled and Kara’s stomach quivered at the husky timber.

Her gaze dropped to Lena’s mouth and she bit her lip, practically preening when she caught Lena staring at the action with hooded eyes.

“I’ll see you at the office in the morning, Ms Luthor,” Kara said, pleased when it came out only slightly breathless and shaky. “Please refrain from treating me like your property. I _will_ leave should it happen a second time.”

She immediately spun around and marched toward the door, praying that it hadn’t locked automatically after Lillian’s exit, and released a breath when she felt no resistance when she pulled on the handle. Kara managed to maintain her unaffected posture all the way down to the reception lobby, passed Bill the doorman and out onto the street. Kara walked down five blocks, her back aching with tension, and her fists still clenched before she ducked into an alley and torpedoed up into the sky, laughing like a madwoman, because what in Rao’s name was _that_?

She flew to Catco, rushing through the familiar corridors and thankfully found Nia at her desk, grabbed her elbow and took her up to the rooftop, feeling about to burst at the seams.

“What? What happened?” Nia asked the second they stepped outside.

Realising that Reign might be flying about, Kara kept close to elevator shaft, hiding them both as much as she could from view.

“I think I like Lena.”

“I know…” Nia carefully said. “You told me you remembered being best friends with her.”

“No, I mean _like_ -like.”

She got an unimpressed look. “What are you? Eight years old?”

“This is serious, Nia!”

“I’d say.”

“How did I never realise it before?”

“Heteronormativity?”

“Possibly,” Kara agreed. “But why did it take this Lena, who’s probably going to fire me tomorrow and treats me like she owns me, to realise that I’m in love with her?”

“Uhm, you probably realised it because you miss the way she treated you before and you’re probably discovering some kinks you never knew you had.”

“Nia!”

“And you went from like-like to ‘in love’ really fast there, Kara. _What the hell_?”

Kara froze, her eyes wide as she stared her friend.

“Oh.”

Nia nodded.

“Oh no…”

The nod was very sympathetic.

“I’m in love with her…She hates me and I’m in love with her…”

Her eyes stung with tears because so much made sense now about the utter intensity of her relationship with Lena. A hand squeezed her shoulder and Kara’s blurry vision just barely made out Nia’s own glittery gaze. “Welcome to the club, buddy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol that dumbarse thinks it's the lights making her feel that way.
> 
> @NotSoEvilPanda


	6. Chapter 6

Kara went straight home and paced her apartment, because as far as revelations went, this one had her head, heart and stomach spinning. And really, it made so much sense. _Of course_ she was in love with Lena. She’d never had a friend like her before. Her entire body didn’t flutter with excitement when she went to lunch with Nia, or Kelly. She hadn’t even been that invested in any of her romantic relationships.

And there was nothing 'fast' about it. Kara didn't suddenly go from like-like, to in love. There was an instant attraction that Kara had pursued not understanding why she needed to be let in by Lena that badly. It’s been years of getting to know Lena and falling, tumbling and crashing into love with her.

But that didn’t happen with the woman she worked for now… Though even through all that bitter melancholy, her Lena still shone through enough to make Kara's heart ache and confused her entirely.

Winn had given her a poster of the League of Heroes as housewarming gift. A framed one that now hung on her living room wall. James had taken it before he’d left town. It had once been a symbol of hope for National City. And Kara stared at Supergirl stood in the centre of it, arm’s crossed and chin lifted. Her eyes were steely in a way that was as familiar as it made Kara feel like she was looking at a stranger. She seemed older, somehow.

Nia had given her access to her archive of articles on Supergirl. Ones from before Lena’s arrival in National City and the reverence the people had held for her… It was similar to how they’d spoken about Superman. They held respect for her as someone who got things done. Who could and would protect them, with none of the expectation that she was supposed to be ruffling kids hair and saving kittens from trees and being all around… Softer. None of the articles suggested that she should do any of those things and it didn’t seem to matter that she’d barely acknowledged the people. She made them feel safe and they loved her for it.

In the picture, Alex stood on her right, a motorcycle helmet hiding her face in her black special ops catsuit. J’onn was on her left. Nia and Guardian Kelly on either side of them. Mon-el on the end and Brainy opposite him… She had a team that she was the leader of. A team who respected her and listened…

Could this be her reality? This world where Lena is her enemy and literally built to kill her?

She laughed deliriously and jumped when there was a knock at her door.

“Mon-El,” she said, feeling guilty as she let him into her apartment.

Had she been in love with Lena for the entirety of their relationship?

_Oh Rao…_

“Hey, Kara,” he said and smiled, these days less boyish, but nevertheless charming. She smiled back uncertainly, not sure what the her in this reality and Mon-El’s relationship was like. Not sure she wanted to find out. Thankfully, he didn’t give her any time to be awkward as he walked over to the couch and sat down as he spoke. “I think we might have a lead on what happened to you.”

“You do?”

All of sudden, Kara wasn’t sure she wanted to know what was going on. Being in love with this Lena who barely tolerated her, seemed a lot easier than going back home to a Lena she’d hurt and betrayed, and might have pushed into her brother and mother’s evil arms. Who looked at Kara as though Supergirl held Lena’s heart in her hand and was always _squeezing_ it.

What if it was too late? What if she never got her back? What if Lena never forgave her?

“I spoke to Darla down at the bar,” he said and then frowned. “She’s a Roltikkon, do you remember her?”

“I met her once, seen her around a couple of times.”

“Well, she has some telepathic abilities, though needs to be in physical contact with someone to get clear thoughts, but it’s strong enough that she still picked up the presence of some fifth dimensional magic the other night.”

Kara stiffened.

“J’onn felt something too, but wanted corroboration before suggesting a theory to you…And I don’t know what you remember, but my—I mean our—the Kara we know, she had a run in with a magical being from the Fifth Dimension, one I had an unfortunate encounter with as well, his name was—”

“ _Mxyzptlk_.” They both said.

“He was obsessed with you.”

Kara nodded, remembering the way Mon-El had behaved when Mxy had shown up, raising a multitude of red flags. She’d forgiven him, though. He’d grown a lot since then.

“So he might be responsible for this?”

“He’s usually not this subtle…” Mon-El remarked and they both laughed at the understatement.

“Well, at least we have something. Thanks,” she said and he nodded happily.

“I’ll keep you updated,” he replied, looking pleased with himself. “It means a lot that you’ve placed your trust in me—us—to handle this investigation.”

And he did seem genuinely humbled about it and left without making things weird. Kara smiled, thinking that at least the Kara from there had done something right.

***

She wasn’t late. Technically, she started work at 8 am. So, she was about ten minutes early, knowing Lena would’ve already been there for at least two hours.

You couldn’t realise you loved someone after they treated you like crap and then sit there waiting at your desk for them to come in and walk right past you. It was better this way, with Lena already locked in her office. She had two Skype meetings that morning, and a twelve o’clock with the mayor of National City, but apparently Lena ranked above him now. Same with the Police Chief. She was attempting to run an entire city while neglecting her company. L-Corp stocks were at an all-time low and Lena was pumping of her private funds into the business to keep it afloat.

Kara’s stomach knotted anxiously when she stepped out of the elevator, releasing a breath when Lena’s office door was closed. On her desk, she immediately spotted a tiny bonsai tree on the edge of the surface and her heart flipped, eyes rapidly flicked between the closed door and the unassuming plant.

Slowly sitting behind her desk, Kara carefully reached out for the gift box in front of the cutest tree she’d ever seen. Untying the red ribbon covering the black box, she discovered a pruning set along with an instructional manual for care.

She never knew she’d wanted a bonsai tree until that very moment and felt her chest expand, before her heart painfully thudded in protest, because _what did this mean_? There was no apology note. Lena hadn’t emailed or texted her an ‘I’m sorry for rudely using you to work-up my mother’. Clearly this was meant as a sorry. Right? Because Kara had stood her ground.

Should she insist on a verbal apology?

This gift seemed like a massive gesture considering the woman she worked for.

Kara distractedly completed her tasks, and when a green-looking Mayor Benson entered Lena’s office, she picked up the phone and called in an order. It arrived five minutes before Lena’s meeting ended and the food was still hot when Kara shakily walked to Lena’s office door and tentatively knocked.

“ _Come in_ ,” she heard the faint voice and wondered whether it was wishful thinking that Lena sounded a little apprehensive.

She sat behind her desk. Face impassive. Upright, with her hands folded on the desk top. Kara worried at her lip, contemplating all of her life choices.

“I brought us some lunch,” she mumbled, holding up the bag as though Lena hadn’t already been eyeing it with suspicion.

“I have food brought up from the cafeteria each day.”

“I can still get it for you, but I was hoping you’d try this?” Kara’s voice went up, strained and hopeful.

“Big Belly Burger?” Lena lifted a meticulously tweezed eye brow and Kara nearly fainted at the utter sexiness of it all. “What? Are we university students?”

_That was a joke, right?_

Kara laughed, more a few huffs of relief and unsteadily walked over to the couch, avoiding the green gaze heating up her skin and tried her best to be confident as she unpacked the food onto the coffee table and organised the cutlery and napkins the way she’d seen Lena obsessively do, so many times before.

On her third adjustment of the containers, Lena rose from her seat and rounded the desk. Kara bit the inside of her cheek and focused on not staring at her. When Lena sat down as far on the couch as she could possibly get, Kara simply flipped open the carton, pushed forward a plate and provided Lena with a knife she used to cut her burgers into quarters to avoid making a mess of her work clothes.

She proceeded to anxiously devour her own burger and almost choked when a soft moan accompanied Lena’s first bite, making Kara’s ears and the back of her neck burn white hot.

Everything about Lena was sexy. Kara had been aware of that before, but she had never _known_.

Being around her now was just… She didn’t have her powers, but she was hyper-aware of everything. The way Lena breathed, the way she smelled, the way she hadn’t bit her lip _once_ since Kara had come to this Earth.

She tried to slow her eating, attempting to match Lena’s dainty bites so that god forbid she wasn’t forced to sit there with nothing to do while Lena finished her food. They didn’t speak, but Lena had crossed her legs in her tailored uniform pants. And Kara wondered, not for the first time, if this was Lena’s super-suit that she wore for the world, because the only time Kara had seen her without it, she’d been in a sweater and tears.

She peeked over at Lena, who sat with the plate in her lap, three quarters of her burger gone, but her gaze was on Kara’s face, causing her cheeks to heat.

“Good?” Kara softly asked, afraid to destroy this taste of closeness she hadn’t felt in far too long.

“Yes.” Was the simple answer and then: “Thank you, Ms Danvers.”

“Kara,” she whispered. “Please, if you don’t mind.”

“Kara…” Lena said, rolling her name around her tongue and Kara inhaled a shaky breath and turned to her.

Lena stared, brows knitted and her lips parted as though she would ask something, but a thump out on the balcony drew Kara’s attention and her heart stopped, fear and panic surging at once when she saw Reign standing outside.

Following her gaze, Lena looked over her shoulder and stood from the couch, marching toward the balcony and leaving through the door.

It remained closed here. Her Lena had always kept her doors open. Even when they fought and were angry at each other.

They spoke quickly, a frown marring Lena’s features and Kara stood calculating the fastest route to get out of the Red Sun lights.

Lena opened the balcony door and stuck her head through. “Please cancel my afternoon, Ms Danvers, then you’re free to go,” she said and Kara wasn’t sure what to ask, knowing she didn’t hold any privilege to information. But through the windows, she saw Lena touch the face of her watch, and almost like with Kara’s suit, the sleek black nanotech armour spread across her body. Kara’s gaze got stuck on the green that glowed on her chest piece and looked up to see Lena looking at her through the window, before her helm covered her face.

A chill went up Kara’s spine and her heart leapt up with Lena, as she shot into the air and flew off beside Reign.

Clenching and unclenching her fists, it took a few long moments for Kara to talk herself out of following them. She wanted to find out what was happening so badly, but common sense won out and she quickly packed up and left the office, cancelling Lena’s afternoon from her cell and wasn’t surprised when Alex called an emergency meeting at the Tower as she was walking home.

***

Watching Lena, Reign and Brainy, fight against four of the Female Furies, caused mixed feelings around the room.

“Maybe they’ll take each other out.” Winn chuckled, but hung his head after receiving a glare from Nia.

Kara stood in her super suit, hands on her hips and flinched when Reign punched Granny Goodness so mightily, she flew back and took the Fury with the bow, right through the wall of a building.

“Should we go help?” Kara asked, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

“Who?” Alex asked from beside her, as the four of them watched Lena blast red rays from her palms.

Lena. She wanted to go help Lena, but technically their enemies were fighting each other so the best plan would be for them to—

Kara’s mouth fell open when a new figure landed on a rooftop. He was at least seven feet tall and built like a brick house. Literally. His skin was a dull grey and looked as though it was made of stone. He wore full body armour, a bluish tint, but on his chest was a glowing red omega symbol.

“Who’s that?” Nia echoed Kara’s thoughts out loud and she turned to Alex who shrugged without taking her eyes off of the screen.

“I don’t know, but I think he might be the big boss Granny Goodness mentioned. Darkseid.”

The violent battle stopped when he spoke. The Furies fell back and Lena hovered next to Reign in front of the new arrival.

“You sure we can’t get sound?” Kara asked Winn who shook his head even as he typed away at his keyboard most likely attempting to hack into nearby devices.

Reign flew away in the middle of whatever the guy was saying, but Lena stayed and she listened, and then the guy gave a little mocking bow and took off after the Female Furies while Lena continued to hover by herself amongst the rubble and debris surrounding her.

***

She hated that they needed to hide and she couldn’t just fly around when she felt like it. Winn and Alex went back to work, agreeing to meet up with everyone later at the Dive Bar to discuss this new guy on the scene and any information they might’ve gathered on Mxyptlk. The telepaths didn’t feel his magic any longer, and that wasn’t a positive sign that he was still even around.

She and Nia sat on the small single bed in the room Supergirl used to call home. Kara remained in shock about that. She most likely only slept there, but still. It was sad.

Nia handed over her phone and showed Kara the pictures she’d taken and Kara let out a breath of relief when she saw Ruby and her grandmother walking through a park.

“She seems like a happy child,” Nia said.

“She lost her mother.”

“And the way to get rid of Reign, is to split her from this Sam Arias person?”

“We don’t need to split them, but if we want to save Sam, we should split them. She didn’t ask for any of this. Ruby deserves her mother back.”

“Do you think that Lena got Sam to join her by promising to provide for her child?”

“I honestly don’t know. Sam and Lena are friends in my world…Lena did everything in her power to save her. I don’t know what she’s capable of here. I don’t know if they’re friends here…I don’t know if here is actually real and Mxyptlk just warped things to make it seem like I was from somewhere else, because I clearly know things I couldn’t possibly know, but he might’ve planted those memories? And what if—”

She stopped when Nia gently squeezed her wrist and Kara met her worried eyes searching her face.

“One thing at a time, okay?” Nia said. “That’s what you always tell me when I freak out.”

Kara nodded and thought of that poster hanging on the wall in her apartment. Was she letting them down? Were they disappointed to have her and not their fearless leader? Was that Supergirl too much for Mxy to handle so he took her memories and gave her ones of some alternate timeline where she was friends with Lena? That what? Made Kara softer? Friendlier?

“Do you think Lena Luthor will join Darkseid?” Nia asked, because they could only assume that he was attempting a team-up.

“I don’t know. Lena and Reign have this whole justice thing going. They’ll only join him if their goals somehow align. Which, given that Reign left and didn’t attack him, might be a possibility.”

“They’re violent, though. Alex blasted a hole in Granny Goodness’s stomach. She shook it off, picked up a car and threw it at us…If she answers to Darkseid, he must be so much stronger than her…And if they get Reign and Lena on their side…”

Kara nodded. If he and the Furies teamed up with Lena, the League of Heroes was done for and who knew what the consequences would be for the world at large. It seemed more important than ever to try and get through to Lena.

In a world that felt wrong, that was the only thing that felt right.

***

On Monday, Kara met Lena in her lab with a cup of coffee. Jess had taken her some each morning and Kara hadn’t been asked to do it too, so was cautious to interrupt whatever projects Lena was working on. She was pleasantly surprised when she was allowed entry into the state-of-the-art lab, admiring Lena in her white lab coat.

“Thank you,” Lena softly said and stood very close.

“You’re welcome,” Kara murmured back, knowing she could step away, but refusing to do so.

Certainly Lena felt it too… Over the weekend, Kara had painted her Lena, the looks she’d gotten over the years of their friendship and didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at how blind she’d been.

Lena ducked her head and Kara scanned the room for something she could comment on so she might stay there a little longer. There was no Red Sun energy and it was nice to feel settled again, despite the buzz of kryptonite in the air. It was on her second sweep that Kara recognised the black lump beneath a glass container and the formulae on the white board next to it.

Lena was synthesising black kryptonite. And by the look of the equations and results, was very close to getting it just right.

Kara turned to her, grinning brightly and Lena looked taken aback, no doubt by the intensity of it.

“What?”

Dizzy with hope that Lena was still planning to help Sam, Kara’s mouth ran away from her brain and she said the first thing that popped into her head. “You’re beautiful.”

Lena’s lips parted and then she looked away again. “That’s highly inappropriate, Ms Danvers.”

It really was.

“I’m sorry, but it’s true and I’ll go to HR if you need me to, but I really needed you to know that.”

Lena laughed dryly. “What do you want from me?”

“I’m not sure…Maybe to get to know you?”

“Why? Why would you want to?”

“Because I think you’re wonderful.”

Lena turned from her. “I’m a monster.”

Staring at her back, Kara watched the tension in her shoulders, the rigidity of her spine. Did Lena care whether people saw her as a monster? If she cared, then there was hope.

“W-would you mind—would it be okay, if I worked that out for myself?” Kara tentatively asked.

Lena spun back around, an incredulous look on her face. “What do you want from me? Money? A promotion? Access to tech? Just tell me what you want instead of whatever”—she frantically motioned to Kara’s person—“whatever this is you’re doing.”

And her face, that weary wariness and sorrow... Kara hadn’t even done anything yet and Lena already looked betrayed by her in anticipation.

Kara straightened. Attempting confidence. Maintaining eye contact so Lena could see her sincerity.

“I would like to take you to lunch,” she said, “and maybe we could go for a walk after? I’ve noticed you seem less tense once you’ve been outside for a while…”

Lena looked as though she could be knocked over by a feather.

“I know your schedule better than you do, and you do have some time free this afternoon…There’s a place I think you’d really like—”

“People aren’t comfortable when I go anywhere in public.”

Kara mentally face-palmed. “I’ll get take out. We’ll have a picnic in the park. No one will notice us there.”

Lena looked so lost and uncertain, Kara nearly hugged her, but she gave Lena a moment to think about it, to decline, but she only stood there, frowning at the floor. Like she didn’t want to say no, but didn’t know how to say yes.

“Are you working on anything important?” she offered Lena some reprieve, who seemed to grasp at it like a lifeline.

“Yes. I-I’m working on something for a friend.”

Kara smiled. “Want me to handle your morning so you can work here a bit longer?” That certainly peaked Lena’s interest. “I’ll take minutes of the police chief’s presentation, and make notes on the budget meeting for the city’s public transport system and you can have a look at it later.”

Lena _bit her lip_ in thought and Kara’s stomach shook even as her eyes watered with longing. Her aching chest expanded when she received a tentative smile. “We can discuss the minutes over lunch. In the park?” Lena offered.

Kara grinned. “Of course, Ms Luthor,” she said and had to turn and leave, before she grabbed Lena and squeezed her to her chest and never let go again.

***

It didn’t feel like old times.

Lena was distant, walls up higher than they’d ever been. Outside the sanctuary of her lab and out in the open, she was more guarded, and often would be distracted when anyone walked past where they sat at a picnic table in the shade of a tree. It pained Kara to see it, but the kryptonite seemed to offer Lena some physical relief when beneath the yellow sun, even when it had the opposite effect on Kara.

She’d gotten Lena’s favourites and the food was somewhat of an icebreaker while they discussed the meetings Kara had attended in Lena’s stead. The tension remained, but it didn’t put a damper on Kara’s mood. Lena had shown up and she wasn’t mean or disrespectful, once. And when they rode the elevator back up to Lena’s office, Kara absently placed a hand on Lena’s lower back, only noticing what she’d done when Lena leaned into the touch, her eyes fluttering and Kara’s heart pounded in her ears as she walked past her desk and went to hold Lena’s office door for her.

Lena walked in, but stopped in front of Kara and then looked into her face. Searching for a moment, before she softly smiled.

“Thank you for lunch, Kara.”

Kara gave a jerky nod, any words her brain might have formed stuck in her throat when Lena gently grasped her bicep with a trembling hand and tilted her head up. And maybe she would’ve kissed Kara’s cheek, but as soon as Lena’s lips neared her face, Kara pressed their mouths together and both of them went still, neither moving away. Her eyes were squeezed tightly shut, afraid to do the wrong thing and hyper-aware of Lena’s soft plump lips and when they moved, Kara’s knees gave in and Lena’s hands were on her hips, steadying her.

And was it wrong? Was it wrong because this wasn’t technically her Lena?

But what if it was? Whatever route their lives had taken them in, her Lena was still there beneath all that armour and kryptonite. She still had that propensity for good. A hand cupped Kara’s cheek, before Lena pulled away and smiled in a way that made Kara’s heart clench before Lena let go and walked into her office, leaving Kara to practically float back to her desk and fall into her chair with a contented sigh through still tingling lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all are staying indoors where possible and are healthy and happy <3
> 
> @NotSoEvilPanda


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the comments and kudos and to those who have been sharing this fic.  
> Much appreciated <3

Since Lena’s hostile takeover, many aliens had fled National City, despite Lena not having specifically targeted them. The Luthor name now caused more fear to extra-terrestrials than when Lex had been alive spewing his anti-alien rhetoric.

The lack of aliens to interview, meant a lack of information coming in and J’onn and Mon-El were travelling to meet with some of their contacts, while Winn and Alex scoured surveillance of the Furies fighting, to look for weaknesses.

Kara joined them that evening after work, practically floating inside because she was still high on that kiss. Winn jumped at her presence and normally she would’ve dismissed it as Winn being Winn and maybe watching some of his naughty Anime things. But then he hid the tablet beneath his computer keyboard, seemingly from her specifically, because Alex had been there the entire time and she was the only one who incessantly teased him about anything he found embarrassing.

“What were you looking at?” she asked and the way Alex went rigid beside her only fuelled her suspicion.

“Nothing.”

“You know I can just take it from you?”

Winn looked to Alex who nodded stiffly and then handed over his tablet.

 _‘Cowardly Supergirl Abandons National City’ by William Dey,_ the news headline read and Kara’s stomach twisted into knots.

Nothing the article said was untrue. She _had_ disappeared. She hadn’t been thrown around by Reign in several weeks. The insinuation was strong that she was scared and if not, she was possibly dead, or human now, like Superman.

“He doesn’t know what he’s talking about,” Alex said, probably reading the guilt on Kara’s face. She allowed the tablet to be removed from her hands and followed Alex when she beckoned her to the lab at the back, lost in thought on whether she should at least have Supergirl be seen to offer some hope that she was still there.

But she couldn’t be Supergirl now. She couldn’t be a nemesis to Lena. Not _now_. She couldn’t kiss her as Kara and fight her as Supergirl. Rao, why _—how—_ had she allowed this to happen again? When she tells Lena the truth, she couldn’t have Lena’s memory be filled with Supergirl attacking her, despite Kara Danvers loving her.

She lightly startled when Alex handed her the thin, fist-sized device she’d seen, in the shape and colours of the House of El crest.

“Winn and I finished it this morning.”

“What is it?”

“It started out as an attempt at a shield to protect you against kryptonite exposure. But because kryptonite receives power from and is neutralised by the same elements you are, it was difficult to make something that would protect you without taking away your powers too.”

Kara nodded. “So what is this?”

“We turned it into a way to neutralise Lena’s kryptonite.”

“Oh.”

“I’ve programmed it to respond to your DNA. You place it on her chest and press the symbol in the centre to activate it.”

“Oh…” Kara stared at the device in horror.

“I know you’re not shadowing Nia.”

She blinked. “You do?”

“I do. I’m not sure what you’re doing and I’m choosing to trust you. But I want you to know that we’ll be using this device to take down Lena Luthor and if you’d rather not be part of that operation, I understand.”

Panic rose and stuck in a throat. They couldn’t go after Lena when she was finally making some progress. Not when Lena was secretly taking care of Ruby and working on a way to save Sam. Because of course she would. Sam had never betrayed her. Sam had always been a good friend. Kara needed for Lena to save Sam.

“I know that you remember her differently—”

“No. No, I understand what needs to be done,” Kara said and held the device tighter, barely stopping herself form crushing it. “I’ll get it done. Just give me some time.”

Alex’s gaze shifted from the device to Kara, like she contemplated asking for it back.

“I’ll get it done, Alex.”

She got an uncertain nod.

“I heard you were giving out hugs the other day,” Alex said, looking around the lab and a pang struck Kara’s chest, seeming to see this Alex for the first time. This Alex who had Supergirl for a sister and hadn’t had Kara Danvers for a long time.

“Kelly’s pretty great,” Kara softly said.

Alice grinned. “Don’t need to sell me on that.”

And now that she was looking, the barriers up between them were nearly visible, they were that obvious. What had it been like for Alex with Kara living in the Tower, focused on protecting National City and seemingly nothing else?

“Kelly’s got pretty great taste too. Smart lady, that one.”

Alex snorted out a laugh but froze when Kara quickly wrapped her in a hug. It took only a second before Alex’s arms were around her, squeezing with all her might and a lump stuck in Kara’s throat as she closed her eyes and held her back.

***

The next morning, a fresh bouquet of flowers stood on her desk as Kara had opted to take her bonsai tree home. In a strange world, in a strange apartment, the tiny little thing made her smile each and every time she looked at it. This Lena appeared to be a lot more subtle with her gift-giving, but was no less able to make Kara feel special. They’d kissed and still Kara had no idea what that meant. Should she go into Lena’s office and thank her?

Yes, she definitely should. But, should she kiss her when she thanked her?

Did they kiss now? Or was it a one-time thing?

Were the flowers an apology for kissing her? Or a let’s kiss again? The day before, Lena had been on an overseas Skype call when Kara had left the office and she’d received only a polite nod when she’d gone to say goodbye.

Paralysed by indecision. Kara sat behind her desk, sniffing the flowers through a dopey grin and almost dropped the elegant vase when Lena exited her office and halted outside her door.

“Kara.” Lena’s smile was tentative, but there, and Kara beamed back.

“Good morning, Ms Luthor.”

Lena frowned and Kara wasn’t sure whether it was because of how she had addressed her, or not. “Thank you for the flowers,” she added and it seemed to drag Lena out of her head again.

“You’re welcome,” Lena said and straightened, lifting her chin. “I want to have dinner with you.”

Kara’s heart flipped excitedly. “Was that a request?”

Lena faltered, but then pressed on determinedly. “If you’re free, Kara. Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?”

Not kissing her had fast become the hardest thing to do in Kara’s life. “I’d love to,” she said and Lena’s mouth quirked into an almost smile, before her brows knitted together.

“I unfortunately can’t take you anywhere, so we’ll have to order in. I hope it doesn’t appear too presumptuous, but would you mind coming over to my apartment?”

Kara bit the inside of cheek to keep another elated smile from scaring Lena off, who was trying so very hard.

“Would you like me to bring anything?”

Lena’s eyes darkened and Kara’s stomach fluttered. “Just yourself,” Lena rasped and marched back into her office.

Kara stifled a groan and settled in for a long, torturous day.

***

“Are you going to have sex with her?” Nia asked and Kara spluttered.

“What? No! I don’t know…Maybe, if she wants to. Someday.” Kara scowled. “I haven’t had sex with a woman before…how do I?”—she lifted her hand and scissored her index and middle fingers—“what do I even do? I mean, I have an idea, it’s not like I haven’t thought about it—”

Her rambling was cut off when Nia took her wrist to stop Kara from obscenely pumping her fingers into the air.

“I only asked because I was worried about the kryptonite. Well, I’m worried because you’re apparently dating _Lena Luthor_ , but I’m trying to be supportive and narrowing my concern to that. Frankly, I think it’s a miracle you’ve gotten this far without being killed, so you must be on to something.”

“Her apartment is fitted with Red Sun Energy lights.”

“To protect her against Supergirl?” Nia raised her eyebrows.

Kara shrugged. “Or Reign. Or maybe it’s just nice to not have your chest glowing green all the time.”

“True.” Nia nodded sagely. “That one.”

“Really?” Kara looked down at the light pink dress Nia had brought for her to try on. It had thin straps and fit her like a second skin.

“Yep. It shows off your arms and your figure. The heels will also lift up your ass. In the right light, you can even see your abs.”

Kara gave her a sideways glance.

“What? I have eyes. I might be straight, but I can admit when women are hot.”

Kara laughed. “Well, thanks for the confidence boost. I haven’t been this nervous about a date since I can remember. Should I take her flowers?”

“Does she like flowers?”

“My Lena loves flowers, but I didn’t see any in this Lena’s house, or office.”

“Well, it’ll be rude to show up empty-handed.”

“Yeah. Okay, I’ll pick some up along with her favourite wine.”

“Great idea. You got this.” Nia anxiously grinned, trying her best not show how stressed out she was about the entire situation and Kara loved her more for it. “Lena Luthor’s not gonna know what hit her.”

***

She was shown to the elevator and shifted anxiously on her heels when it seemed to take forever to reach Lena’s apartment. Nia had pinned up her hair and Kara could feel an almost permanent flush of anticipation spreading up her chest and neck. She didn’t buy any flowers, deciding to feel it out first and get an idea of how much this Lena still liked them and if her favourites were still plumerias.

The front door stood open when Kara stepped into the foyer and she carefully walked forward, stopping on the threshold and frantically scanned the space for signs of a break-in, or a struggle, only to find Lena pacing by the window that led to her balcony. Right next to a table set for two. The sun was setting behind her, bright orange and shaded with red and Lena herself wore a dark maroon three-piece suit, her hair up in a familiar and well missed ponytail. The sight made Kara ache with longing, and she couldn’t tear her gaze away in wonder.

Though Lena looked great in anything, especially her suits, she couldn’t help but wonder if Lena was covering up her chest. Her thought came to an abrupt halt when green eyes found her and Lena tentatively smiled, her fists clenching at her sides.

“Hi,” Kara said.

“Kara,” Lena breathed and dragged her gaze from Kara’s body to meet her eyes again. “Come in, please.”

Kara took one step inside and waited as Lena stalked forward, her face having closed off again, intensely staring at the door. She closed it behind Kara and led them over to the kitchen.

“I got some food delivered from _Il Palazzo._ I wasn’t sure what to get, so,” she paused and Kara lightly laughed at the kitchen counter filled with enough food for ten people, “I got a little bit of everything.”

“I eat a lot, and this smells really great, Lena.”

Lena gasped and Kara paused. “What?”

“Nothing. Is that your emotional support wine, or will you be sharing it?”

Kara ducked her head, adjusting her glasses, but laughed at the lighthearted teasing. “I brought it for you, actually. To say thank you for inviting me.”

“Well, you didn’t have to, but it’s appreciated. And I see Jess trained you well.”

She didn’t like that Jess got the credit, but Lena’s fingers brushed hers when she took the bottle. And she might sometimes be slow, admittedly, because it had taken her three years to figure out exactly why Lena was so important to her, but even she got the hint that the touch was on purpose.

The bottle of wine was blindly placed on the counter and Lena continued some heavy eye contact that made Kara feel hot all over.

“Would you like a glass?” she asked after an intense eternity and Kara gave a jerky nod, afraid to move and remained stuck next to the kitchen island.

Lena retrieved two wine glasses, stretching to reach into her cabinets and Kara noted the lack of heels, making her a few inches shorter. She was quiet as she poured them each a glass, standing close when she handed Kara hers, biting her lip, but a sly smile still broke through.

“You look beautiful,” Lena rasped, dark eyes roaming Kara’s neck and collarbones, making her stomach flutter.

Kara laughed shakily. “Thank you, so do you,” she said and proceeded to gulp down the dry red wine like it was a cool glass of water she’d discovered in the desert.

Lena watched her with twinkling eyes as she placed the empty glasses on the counter and flashed her an anxious grin. Kara wanted to talk more, but Lena was being infuriatingly in control despite her initial nervousness when Kara had arrived. And maybe it was a bad idea to come to her apartment. She should have offered to have Lena over at her place, where she could maybe have had a home ground advantage. Lena, tonight, was all cool unaffected CEO, with the focused intensity she had when she was in her research lab.

Kara swallowed thickly, her breath hitching when Lena placed down her still full glass of wine and stepped in close, pressing Kara against the island without making any physical contact.

“Do you have a personal trainer?” Lena asked, her eyes drinking in Kara’s arms.

She snorted out a chuckle that she nearly choked on when a lone finger traced the space below her bellybutton, causing her stomach to quiver. And this dress was the worst idea ever because she could feel _everything_.

“Uhm—I—it’s genetics, mostly.”

The corner of Lena’s mouth tilted up attractively. “I’ll need to send your mother some flowers as a thank you then.”

Her hands settled warmly on Kara’s hips and she canted into the touch, receiving a delicate squeeze that felt and worked like reassurance.

“My parents died when I was younger.” She cringed internally, it so wasn’t the time for heart-to-hearts, though she wasn’t sure what it was the time for. The wine was going to her head, or maybe it was the Red Sun lights that stripped her of her powers and apparently her inhibitions too.

Lena stepped closer though and pressed their hips together. “Who knew we had this much in common?”

Kara laughed in relief and sighed when Lena kissed her. And how was she ever supposed to get used to Lena’s mouth? The softness of her lips… Those hands that slowly caressed her waist making her lost in want and the way Lena’s tongue stroked her own in tandem with the fingers that brushed up her ribs, teasing below her breasts.

She inhaled sharply, hazy with arousal and simply lolled her head back when Lena meticulously kissed into her neck, those hands never ceasing their rhythmic stroking as though they were magically winding Kara up. Thumbs touched the undersides of her breasts and Kara shivered, practically feeling the way her nipples strained against her dress.

Lena tilted her head back, eyes dark and hooded and oh, Kara’s stomach tightened, her hands gripping onto the counter and she was grateful for the lights that kept it from grumbling it beneath her fingers.

“Yes?” Lena rasped, her voice making Kara bite her lip and she mindlessly nodded and groaned when Lena cupped her breasts.

And what even was this?

She grabbed onto Lena’s blazer, pulling her closer and accepted the methodical way she was being stripped apart. Lena’s hands roamed her body, heating her up and it took her brain a moment to register them stroking up her thighs and she yelped when she was lifted to perch on the island.

Lena silently chuckled, sucking on her throat and Kara blinked some of the haze away, unused to being manhandled. Unused to not being the strongest person in the room.

She wrapped her arms around Lena’s shoulders and dazedly mumbled, “the food is right there.”

“I know, I showed it to you.”

Kara grinned and pressed a kiss to the side of Lena’s head. “This can’t be hygienic.”

“I have people who clean very thoroughly,” Lena replied without missing a beat, those hands now working their way up the inside of Kara’s thighs and she abruptly realised how lewdly her legs were spread apart, Lena between them, her dress hiked up to her hips.

When had that even happened?

Kara squirmed and whimpered when a finger tentatively stroked over her damp underwear. “ _Lena_ …” she groaned and green eyes looked at her again, a dark eyebrow raised in question even as Lena teasingly pressed a finger against her.

Kara moaned and bucked her hips. “You barely know me.”

“Isn’t this getting to know you?” She continued to lazily stroke across Kara’s slit, making her gasp and tremble, but searched Kara’s face.

Kara kissed her, long and hard, absently pleased that she’d caught Lena enough by surprise that the stroking faltered, but then those hands moved around Kara’s thighs and cool fingers curled into the waistband of her panties. She paused and Lena did too, waiting, and Kara filled with guilt, pulling slightly away and then took off her glasses, placing them on the counter.

Lena’s hands remained where they were, but her thumbs softly brushed her hips and Kara didn’t understand how she could still feel like Lena when her and Lena had never come close to doing anything like this.

“I have secrets,” Kara said, her heart pounding for a different reason, because Lena didn’t even blink at her removing her glasses.

“I would hope so,” Lena said and kissed the side of her jaw.

“Big secrets,” Kara insisted, tilting her head so Lena had easier access.

“You wear your heart on your sleeve, I’m comforted that there are at least some things you keep for yourself.”

Kara’s eyes fluttered when Lena nibbled on her ear and she wrapped her arms around the woman who just didn’t get it. Was it wrong to do this? It had to be somehow. Kara could hardly tell her she was Supergirl, but she needed to at least warn her.

“What if you don’t like my secrets? What if they make you not like me anymore?” she asked, swallowing thickly as the thought filled her with dread.

“Then I don’t like you anymore,” Lena simply said and pulled at her underwear. Kara’s hips mechanically lifted as she stared in stunned silence that she was quickly shaken out of when Lena slipped off her panties and placed them in her pocket with a rakish grin. “People stop liking each other for various reasons. It happens.”

Kara frowned. “What if you regret—”

Lena kissed her, her hands beneath Kara’s dress again, like they’d never left, stroking her thighs until she fell into another blissful stupor.

“Do you want me to fuck you, Kara?” Lena asked into her neck and Kara moaned, rocking into her, but Lena didn’t touch her there, only continued to stroke circles on her inner thighs that slowly drove Kara insane. “I’ve wanted to fuck you since the first time I laid my eyes on you.”

Kara whimpered, her hips bucking against nothing. Aching and throbbing with want that only worsened when Lena stopped and pulled away, waiting until Kara could get her gaze focused on her face, still so close Kara could feel her breath on her lips.

“Do you want my fingers inside of you right now?” Lena asked, as though it was a simple question and it must’ve been, because Kara nodded without her brain telling her to.

“Words please,” Lena murmured against her lips.

“Yes.”

A finger slipped between her folds and Kara moaned, gripping onto Lena’s neck and hanging onto her shoulders.

“Yes?” Lena smirked, circling her entrance.

“Yes.” Kara hissed, groaning when two fingers slipped inside. “Yes. Yes.” She mindlessly mumbled as Lena pumped into her, only stopping her desperate chant when she was kissed again.

Kara felt dizzy and needy and all she could do was cant her hips and cling onto Lena. She was vaguely scandalised by how wet she was and the sounds Lena's fingers made pushing into her. And when they curled, Kara’s breath hitched, stuttering along with her hips.

“There?” Lena smirked against her chest, teeth scraping across a clothed nipple.

“Right there,” Kara moaned, and pulled Lena’s ponytail back to kiss her again.

Rao, she was going to come. _Lena_ was going to make her come. She was going to come on Lena’s kitchen island, all over her hand, and the utter salaciousness of it all sent her careening over the edge, groaning into Lena’s mouth, as her body deliciously shook in pleasure.

And how had Kara not known how exquisitely gay Lena was?

“You’re so sexy when you come.”

Another shudder went through her and she hummed into Lena’s mouth, lazily kissing her while trying to catch her breath. Lena was still tenderly stroking her down when Kara deepened the kissing, and pulled Lena’s shirt out of her pants, an urgent need to feel her too drove her actions, but fingers around her wrist stopped her even as Lena slowly broke their kissing and gently withdrew her fingers from Kara who trembled and groaned at the loss.

“You don’t want to see what’s under there, darling,” Lena said and kissed her again.

Kara frowned even as she returned the affection.

“I do, though?” she confusedly said.

Lena smiled. “Lillian only bothered to fix my face for the cameras.”

It took Kara too long to understand, which was entirely Lena’s fault for causing the shortage in her brain, and a pang constricted her chest. “I don’t care,” she rasped, wanting to draw Lena closer, who light stepped out of her legs.

“You don’t care that my body was horrendously mutilated in a helicopter crash?”

The words hit hard and Kara flinched. Lena just picked up her wine glass, unaffected.

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

Lena smirked. “I know.”

Kara released a breath and realising how lewdly she was still spread open, slowly closed her thighs and slid off the counter. Her face heated as she rolled her dress back down her thighs and slightly wobbled on shaky legs. “Wow, these lights,” she mumbled.

Lena looked up at her kitchen light fixtures, the hand not holding her wine, the one still wet with Kara’s come, lifted and Lena absently sucked those fingers into her mouth with hum that made Kara twitch and brace herself against the counter. Lena chased the fingers with a sip of wine, before she looked back to Kara.

“I don’t know what they’re called,” she said and Kara didn’t know what she was talking about as she stared at Lena’s mouth, wondering if it would be greedy to ask her to touch her again. “I’ll tell the designer to contact you, if lights are an interest of yours.”

_Oh._

“Uhm, thank you,” Kara mumbled and retrieved her glasses, placing them on in hopes of gaining more control over herself.

“Your welcome. I’m going to freshen up,” Lena announced. “There’s another bathroom down the hall, if you like.” She gave Kara a peck on her lips. “Perhaps after dinner, you’ll let me have you again.”

Kara bit her lip and smothered a whimper, watching Lena as she sauntered down the hall.

***

She and her Lena had eaten at _Il Palazzo_ plenty of times before and she should have felt worse about getting Lena to try things she knew she would like, but Lena was actually smiling. Full-on dimpled smiles that made Kara’s heart thump against her ribs.

The few minutes it took to freshen up, warm some food and get used to not wearing underwear—because Kara didn’t even know how to begin to ask for them back—was the only real awkwardness between them. Mostly Kara’s awkward though, who was very uncertain how to behave now that they’d had sex. Now that Lena has had sex with her?

She didn’t know and Lena didn’t make her feel weird about it, only those dark eyes lingering too long on certain areas of her body was an indication that Lena was thinking about it too. Or maybe thinking about doing it again and it made Kara shift in her dress that she just might ruin if Lena continued looking at her like that.

Despite all the intensity, Kara was enjoying herself and it was maybe her expecting something to go wrong, that it eventually did.

It started with a notification going off on Lena’s cell and her excusing herself to switch on the television in the living room where Reign was wreaking havoc on two thieves who’d stolen a cash-in-transit van. Kara got up and went to join her wondering why they would even attempt—

They were aliens, powerful ones judging by how they were actually holding their own for a while. But Reign. Rao, she was a machine. Dreamer and Guardian showed up just as Reign ripped out the heart of one and broke the neck of the other.

Lena rubbed her forehead and switched the TV off. She, like Kara, seemed to know that Dreamer and Guardian wouldn’t engage. Not when they’d already been too late to try and help.

“Where were we?” Lena said and walked back to the table.

Kara stared incredulously. “Are you kidding?”

“No. Please, let’s continue our dinner, Kara.”

“I’ve lost my appetite.”

At least Lena didn’t seem surprised that Kara was upset. It meant that her delusions that they were doing only good, didn’t stretch that far.

“You can’t keep allowing this,” Kara said, and Lena stalked back to face her.

“You don’t get to tell me what to do.”

“Someone has to talk some sense into you. What do you think’s gonna happen when Reign runs out of criminals here in National City? You’re putting the entire world at risk.”

“The intent has always been to make the _world_ a better place to live in. Because unlike the Supers, Reign doesn’t pick only one city to protect.”

Kara flinched. It was true in a way, but she always went to help where she could, no matter where. Well, work did keep her in National City and she mostly patrolled there… But that wasn’t the point.

“Innocent people are dying, Lena.”

“They were hardly innocent.”

“Two thieves try their luck at getting rich and they deserve death?”

“They shouldn’t have taken what didn’t belong to them.”

“How is that punishment proportional to the crime? You can’t seriously think that life is that black and white.”

“The problem is not how I see the world, it’s that I see it exactly for what it is. How is what I'm doing now different than the League of Heroes and the D.E.O.?”

“If it’s the same, then why disband the D.E.O.? Why not work together?”

“Work with a secret government organisation who held carte blanche on the aliens they hunted down, murdered and imprisoned with no rights protecting them? Associating myself with them would have been more of a liability.” Lena smirked. “I’m all about transparency.”

“Now you're the spokesperson for alien rights?”

“Do not mistake me for my brother and mother.”

“I-I'm sorry, I didn’t—”

“I am the spokesperson for _justice_. I don't let personal feelings interfere. Human or alien, if they abide by the rules, by the laws upheld by their fellow citizens, they won't be punished. It’s as simple as that.”

“But systems are flawed. The laws themselves can be bent and broken. Systemic oppression—”

Lena laughed dryly. “Do you think Reign cares? Do you think she can be bought? Do you think she takes into account whether a criminal is rich or poor? The colour of their skin? Where they were born? If your concern is government institutions being manipulated, rest assured, Reign won't be. She simply enforces the law. Nothing more, nothing less.”

“This, your way of doing things, of creating terror through Reign in hopes of scaring people into being good? It’s exacerbating the very problem you’re trying to solve. People are rebelling. Did those two look afraid to you?” Kara asked, pointing toward the TV. “They thought they were dying for a cause. You’ve effectively turned them into martyrs. More will come. You don’t need to do it this way, Lena.”

“But I do.”

“I don’t understand.” Kara began to pace while Lena stood perfectly still. “You, you know this is wrong. You’re making yourself the bad guy.”

“It doesn’t matter what the world sees me as now, as long as I make a difference. Make my mark.”

“You want _this_ to be your mark?”

“I will do as much good as I can, for as long as I can. Reign calls it a purge and I tend to agree. I’m very much aware that a few mistakes have been made. But they’ve not been the majority, no matter what the news may be insinuating. Some collateral damage to give everyone a fresh start, is worth it.”

“That’s not right.”

“You’ve just tried to argue that we’re governed by a flawed and unjust political and judicial system…Yet when they kill innocents, it’s a mistake. It’s procedure that’s to blame. When Reign gets a little overzealous when enforcing the law, it’s criminal?”

“Both are criminal.”

“Am I criminal?”

“You killed your brother…”

“He deserved it.”

“That’s not for you to decide.”

Lena laughed. “It is very much in my power to decide who’s guilty and who isn’t, actually.”

“You can’t trial yourself.”

“So I should hand myself over?”

“No. I don’t know.”

“Tell me, Kara. What makes me different from the D.E.O. and the League of Heroes?”

“They don’t—they don’t—”

“They don’t kill people?” Lena lifted her brows in challenge. “The things I uncovered of what your precious D.E.O. has done…How little they valued life because they were lives that weren’t familiar to them. You saw it, their violations were blasted over the news. How are you defending them?”

“You were the one who made an alien detection device!”

“How do you know about that?”

“I know things.”

“The device was meant to find and register aliens. In order to place them under the same laws as the rest of us. Nothing nefarious. They would have been afforded the same rights as everyone else, and punished the same as everyone else.”

“I—this isn’t the right way, Lena…”

“It’s the only way!”

“It’s not! I know you can do better. I know you can create technology that can help. Your HOPE robots can work _with_ the police. You can work with the League of Heroes and protect National City.”

Lena shook her head incredulously. “Where have you been that you can still be this _hopeful_?”

“I know that you’re good.”

Lena laughed wryly; eyes shiny with so many emotions Kara wasn’t sure what she was feeling.

“I wasn’t good enough to save when my brother shot down my helicopter,” she said and Kara’s heart tightened. “Nor was I _good_ enough, when my mother gathered my broken body and experimented on me; tortured me and turned me into a weapon for her anti-alien agenda. You think the _heroes_ who ignored the very public threats to my life simply because my last name was _Luthor_ would welcome me into their little group of self-righteous hypocrites?”

“That’s not why they didn’t save you.”

“And you know this how?” When Kara couldn’t answer, Lena huffed out a sardonic chuckle. “I’m no hero, Kara. I was deemed unworthy of being one the instant I got my name. My body was never found. I was missing for two years. Did anyone think to look for me? Determine what happened? Didn’t I deserve justice?”

“You did, of course you did.”

“Well I didn’t get it until I took it myself.”

“And I don’t blame you for that. But there doesn’t need to be this war between you and the League and the police. You can all work together. You want the same things—”

Lena laughed like Kara was an idiot. “Even if I wanted to, they won’t ever trust me—”

“They’ll see you the way I do.”

Lena seemed to grow frustrated. “You’re a naive fool.”

“Just give them some time—”

“I don’t have time!”

Kara froze and Lena clenched her jaw shut, her walls slamming up so high Kara had to take a physical step back.

“Lena…?”

“Please leave.”

“I-I will, if you really need me to, but, what does that mean? Are you—are you sick?” Kara stared at her chest, felt Lena’s phantom weight against her side when she’d had her migraine attack.

Lena laughed bitterly. “My chest is filled with kryptonite, Kara. A naturally radioactive compound of jadarite and fluorine. And the lead it’s encased in is hardly there to protect me, but to ensure maximum exposure to Supers. And do you know what happens to the human body after prolonged exposure to radiation?”

“Cancer…” Kara breathed through a tightened throat, her entire body shaking.

Lena smiled tragically and let out a soft laugh, walking forward and gently wiped the tears from Kara’s cheeks. “How can you possibly care about me this much?”

“I’ve known you for a long time,” Kara confessed, the news that Lena was dying had her ready to throw it all away and tell her the truth. Who she was. What had happened between them. How deeply in love she’d been with her best friend for the better part of their friendship.

Was this her reality now? All this clarity only to lose Lena at the end of it?

Her chest clenched painfully and Kara swallowed down a sob.

“You know of me, Kara,” Lena said, not unkindly, and took a step back. “I would really like to be alone now. I don’t want you to pity me because I’m sick. I have a couple of years left in me still, so don’t fear that I’ll drop dead the second you leave here.”

“Lena—”

“We were arguing before I told you and now you look at me as though you want to hold me to your chest and carry me everywhere while you keep me safe.”

Kara nodded, because that’s exactly what she wanted to do and Lena shook her head.

“I can’t do this with you. Please leave.”

Kara nearly offered to get her anything she might need. Wanted to make herself useful, but Lena was struggling being under her gaze and it was the second time she’d asked Kara to go.

“Can I give you a hug before I leave?”

Lena’s shoulders slumped and she stared at the floor.

“I’d rather you don’t.”

Chest aching, Kara wiped her tears and turned away.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she croaked, and hurried to the door, feeling like she’d spent several years in Lena’s apartment instead of just that evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. I'm sorry.  
> 2\. Don't slutshame Kara.
> 
> xx
> 
> @NotSoEvilPanda


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen, I said not to slutshame Kara... It's however okay to call her a thirsty!ho ;P

She’d barely made it a block from Lena’s apartment when she ducked into an alley and shot up into the sky. The wind turned her tears icy against her cheeks and Kara belatedly remembered to change into her suit. She kept low through the cityscape, attempting to use dodging the buildings as a way to focus, but her mind was swimming.

_Why?_

Hadn’t Lena been through enough?

 _Cancer?_ She had to have _cancer_ too?

An arrow skidded across her waist and Kara frowned at the fact that it had hit her at all at the speed she was going. She had no time to ponder it further when a whip wrapped around her, the surprise bringing her body to an abrupt halt. Granny Goodness stood atop a skyscraper, grinning manically and propelled Kara toward her. The mad woman jumped on top of her, using her strength to push them both toward the ground, eighty stories down.

She was confused enough and still reeling from Lena’s confession, that it took her a while to gain control of her body and when she did, Kara got angry. Because who were these people? What did they want? Why were they here? It was always something, from the moment she’d put on the suit and was named Supergirl. One horrible thing piled on top of the other.

It never ended!

Kara screamed and twisted around. Grabbing Granny Goodness by her clothes, she drove her downward and slammed her a few feet into the sidewalk. Speeding out of the crater, Kara picked up a concrete block, grunting in frustration as she lifted it above her head and was about to crush Granny Goodness with it, when another arrow glanced off of her back and she turned and hurled the block toward the unnamed archer, faster than any arrow could travel, hitting her and sending her crashing into a car that was nearly flattened against a building.

The car alarm blared and still Kara heard Granny Goodness rise from the rubble behind her. They weren’t kidding when they said she was practically indestructible and it made it so much easier to crash into her again, pinning her to the ground.

Kara’s fists pounded her face, tears burning in her eyes and her stomach boiling hot with rage.

“ _Supergirl._ ”

Why was she here? Would Mxy really have done this to her? Was it some sort of revenge for tricking him?

A hand wrapped around her wrist and Kara reeled up, her fist blindly swinging and stopped an inch from Alex’s worried face.

“Kara?”

“ _I’ve been looking for you._ ”

They both turned to the deep baritone voice, to where Darkseid had appeared. He calmly looked at Granny Goodness struggling to rise from the rubble Kara had beaten her into.

“Take her away,” he instructed and the bloodied and limping archer quickly complied, dragging her off by the arm as Dreamer arrived to flank Kara’s other side.

“What do you want?” Alex asked and red beams shot from Darkseid’s eyes and she disappeared the instant they hit her.

Kara’s heart somehow survived the phantom fist that crushed it, leaving only a blinding pain in her chest. “What did you to her?!”

“I’m here for you.”

Dreamer touched her ear piece. “She’s on the other side of the city. Safe,” she said and Kara nearly collapsed in relief.

“What do you want from me?”

“I want you to join my Elite Guard, the finest warriors on Apokolips and lead the Female Furies.”

Kara huffed out a sardonic laugh. “That’s why you’re here on Earth?”

“I’m in search of the Anti-Life Equation.”

“We don’t know what that is,” Nia said and red beams shot from his eyes again. Nia threw up a blue web-like shield that did absolutely nothing. The instant the rays hit her, Nia seemed to shatter apart into tiny particulars that fell to the pavement. She hadn’t been teleported like Alex, and Kara stared at the millions of microscopic fragments of Nia’s body that fluttered down to the ground.

Kara screamed.

Tears blurring her vision, she flew at Darkseid, but was instantly struck down by the same red beams. It attempted to tear her apart at the very fabric of her being. Her throat felt raw and bleeding and Kara realised she was still screaming in pain, down on her knees, her body healing at the same rate that Darkseid’s beam was splitting her apart. She’d never been in such physical agony and collapsed onto her hands when he abruptly stopped his assault.

Panting heavily, she watched her tears falling into the dust on the ground.

Nia was dead.

Kara screamed again and launched herself at Darkseid, landing one punch to his face before he grew ten times larger and wrapped a hand around her, pinning her arms in his fist. Kara blasted him in the face with heat vision and like she was simply an irritation, he squeezed her so hard she felt her bones crack.

“Look,” he said, and aimed the red eye beams toward the ground and Kara wasn’t sure what he was doing until Nia’s body materialised again.

Tears brimmed her eyes anew when she noted the rise and fall of Nia’s chest and relaxed in Darkseid’s death grip to find him watching her again. When he gently placed her back on the ground, Kara didn’t even think about it and sped over to Nia, wrapping her up in her arms and shielding her with her body.

“I am of the New Gods. My power is absolute,” Darkseid said, while Kara warily watched him, listening to Nia’s steady heartbeat and the breaths softly leaving her lungs. “There’s no point in fighting me. Join me, or die.”

He blinked out of existence the same way he’d made Alex disappear.

Shaking, bones still healing, Kara gently tucked Nia against her chest and flew to the Tower.

***

It didn’t take long for Alex to meet them there, and she was checking Nia over when Kelly arrived, joining Kara where she sat on a bench, face in her hands and soundlessly weeping.

The hand that squeezed her shoulder seemed to break her final resolve.

“I don’t want to be here anymore,” Kara sobbed, unable to stop herself from shaking. “This can’t be real.”

“Kara—”

“He killed her. Nia was _dead_. He brought her back to life like it was nothing!”

Every win came at a loss. A personal price she needed to pay in order to protect everyone else. Reign's simplistic view of the world seemed so much easier. Being only Supergirl seemed easier. Doing the right thing through some socially constructed moral lens came at more of a cost than simply eliminating a threat and preventing that threat from continuing to harm the people who trusted her to protect them. How many times was she going to be forced to watch her home literally be destroyed? How many loved ones were going to be killed, right in front of her eyes?

“I know what happened was a lot—”

“I don’t need you to be rational right now!” Kara shouted and jumped up, finally facing Kelly to see her watery eyes as she attempted to keep it together for Kara. “I don’t belong here.”

Kelly simply nodded. “Nia’s going to be okay.”

Until the next time Darkseid decides to kill her on a whim. And maybe he won’t bring her back then. Maybe Kelly would be next. Or Alex.

“We need to find Mxy and fix this.”

Kelly slowly stood. “We will.”

“I want to go home,” Kara cried and held Kelly back when her arms wrapped around her.

***

Kara slept in the Tower and settled in herself when she woke to find Nia up and smiling at her. The fear was apparent in everyone’s eyes and they all seemed to look to her for reassurance; to tell them that she could beat Darkseid. It was part of the reason she left to her apartment, got dressed for work and went into the office. The other part being that she needed to tell Lena the truth. If Mxy hadn’t warped reality—because torturing Kara like this, just didn’t feel like his M.O.—she might still be on some other Earth. An Earth that needed defending. And there was no one better at saving worlds than Lena Luthor.

Lena didn’t come into the office and an email informed Kara that she would be working from home. It was a relief and she knew she was a coward, but J’onn and Mon-El were due back with information and Kara could only focus on so many things at once.

She met them all at the Tower, gathered around the table and took her designated seat.

J’onn looked grim and Mon-El wouldn’t meet her eyes.

“You got information to share?” Alex prompted when Kara opted to stare at the table. Nothing they were going to say next would be good.

“We captured one of the Furies in Metropolis,” J’onn said. “There were two of them, seeming to be searching for something and while Mon-El distracted one, I used my telepathy on the other.”

“Who are they?” Alex asked. “Where are they from?”

“They call themselves New Gods and they’re from another realm called the Fourth World.”

“Why are they here?”

“Darkseid wants to conquer all of creation. The entire multiverse.”

“Greedy,” Nia mumbled.

“He seeks the Anti-Life Equation,” J’onn continued. “A power that would allow him to turn anyone or anything into his mindless thrall completely bound to his will.”

“And he thinks it’s here?” Alex asked.

“He believes humans collectively possess within their minds most, if not all, fragments of the Anti-Life Equation and intends to probe the minds of every human in order to piece it together.”

Nia snorted out a laugh and Kara wanted to shout at her for being so okay after what had happened even when she knew Nia was doing it to try and lighten the mood.

“What exactly were they looking for in Metropolis if he thinks this Anti-Life Equation is in our minds?” Nia asked.

“More Furies showed up and I was forced to let her go before I could determine that.”

“Can he be stopped?” Kelly asked.

“She didn’t have that information, but from the looks of it, it will be difficult.”

“That’s all you got?” Kara asked and J’onn gave a nod.

“Okay, thanks. I need to go,” she said and fled the room.

***

The investigation continued. No one was looking for Mxy anymore and focused on the immediate threat instead. Kara didn’t blame them, and part of her wondered that if it wasn’t Mxy, maybe it was something else. Maybe it was Darkseid trying to break her. Maybe she suffered a mental break and dreamed up an entire world where she and Lena Luthor had been friends. Even the little things that convinced Nia that she might not be from there, like knowing Reign’s identity, and having information on Lena like her anti-alien device, could be things she found out on her own before her mind had succumbed to the pressures of being Supergirl.

Maybe she should talk to Kelly. Get some help. Superman was gone and Kara barely resisted what J’onn had called Darkseid’s Omega Sanction ray beam. It could serve as a concussive shot, disintegrate, teleport and resuscitate his victims.

They needed her to be at the top of her game. Though Kara was certain not even that would save them.

Two days passed in a haze. She went to work and communicated with Lena via email until the morning of the third day, when she was asked to meet at the park.

Kara wasn’t sure she wanted to go, but whatever romantic disaster she’d fallen into, she believed that Lena would want to protect Earth alongside her. Maybe a common enemy was exactly what they needed. Once they got rid of Darkseid, they could get Sam back and work on Brainy while Lena got back in her lab. Lena could cure herself and save a lot of people from a premature death if she was only allowed the space, trust and resources to do so. Kara was certain of it.

Sat at their table, Kara stared at the graffiti in the wood and thought about what an idiot she’d been.

She’d always been so careful to do things at Lena’s pace, in order to not scare her away. Her Lena, not this Lena who she’d practically thrown herself at. Given Lena’s history, the family and friends who had betrayed her, it wasn’t difficult to gather that Lena would be sceptical of any caring anyone showed her. Whatever was happening, it had at least shown her that what Lena needed was to be loved unabashedly and loudly. She needed someone who would shout it from the rooftops, yes in order for her to believe it eventually, but also because Lena deserved that kind of selfless love that was simply because of who she was and with no ulterior motives. And Kara wanted to give that to her. She wanted to surround Lena with good friends and hold her and love her for as long as Lena allowed her to. The thing was, right now, she needed Lena on her side. She _did_ have ulterior motives.

She groaned and hit her forehead against the wood of the picnic table.

“That can’t be sanitary, or safe for your brain,” Lena’s voice had her head snap up and an instant smile spread across her face. She was impeccably dressed in her uniform, hands clasped behind her back, and Kara’s toes curled in delight as her excited reaction brought a feint blush to Lena’s cheeks and had her duck her head before she sat down on the other side of the table.

“I’m sorry if my intensity the other night overwhelmed you,” Kara said.

“It’s okay,” Lena softly replied, a slight smile on her lips that quickly fell and made way for a frown. “I need to apologise too. I was inappropriate and should never have pursued you.”

Kara’s heart plummeted into her stomach.

“I’m your employer and I think it would be best if we ended this thing between us.”

The cold delivery made her insides freeze and yet the words came as no surprise. She swallowed the lump in her throat and dared to look at Lena, who stiffly sat there as though it was her office desk at L-Corp. As strong now as Kara should have been. She should have gained Lena’s trust first. Her friendship. Told her the truth and then pursued more.

“You didn't take advantage of me,” Kara softly croaked and her calm tone seemed to relax Lena, who softened almost imperceptibly. “I can’t say I’m not disappointed, but I understand why you may feel the need to withdraw and I hope you’ll allow me to keep being your assistant.”

“Why?” Lena incredulously asked. “Why would you even want to be? I can give you an excellent reference—”

“Because I believe in you.” Lena looked at her as though she’d grown two heads. “I believe in the change you want to bring in this world. I want to do what I can to help so you can focus on your research projects.”

Lena’s mouth fell open and she was stuck like that for a moment, before she stiffly nodded. “Thank you, Ms Danvers.”

It sucked to be Ms Danvers again, but maybe they both needed that to set up some boundaries between them.

Kara scratched at the wood, focusing on not breaking the entire table as her emotions surged inside of her. “Is it okay if we have lunch today?” she carefully asked.

Lena fell silent again and Kara didn’t dare look at her, focusing on the little trench she was carving out with her nail.

“That depends on what you got me.”

The tone was playful and Kara looked up with a relieved smile, reaching for the packages next to her on the bench that contained Lena’s favourites from Noonan’s.

Packing out the food, Kara decided that then might not be the best time to tell Lena she was Supergirl. If they could get through the lunch, build some trust between them, maybe, just maybe—or she could try to talk to Lena as Supergirl while she mended their relationship and oh no, she was doing it again!

“Are you okay?”

Kara looked at the hand that covered hers, the one Lena quickly snapped back to her body. She smiled sheepishly—hopelessly—and fought back the urge to throw herself across the table and kiss her. Now that she knew the feel and taste of Lena’s mouth, she wouldn’t ever be able to go back to not knowing; to not wanting it.

“Yes. Sorry, I’m just—”

Whatever lie she was trying to come up with, was cut off by the abrupt appearance of Darkseid a few feet away. Both of them jumped up and Kara’s stomach curled in terror, Nia’s body disintegrating into nothingness flashed through her brain. She looked around, contemplating how fast she could grab Lena and speed her away. J’onn hadn’t mentioned whether super-seed was a power Darkseid had, though he could obviously teleport wherever he wanted.

“It’s good that you two are getting along,” he said, glancing between them.

He clearly knew who she was and Kara’s stomach painfully knotted. Lena couldn’t find out that she was Supergirl from someone else _again_.

“I told you, I’m not joining your little army,” Lena said, stepping forward and in front of Kara as though attempting to shield her. “Neither am I getting you Myriad from the Supers.”

“Myriad.” Kara realised, because Myriad would help him look into the minds of every human under its control. Myriad could be altered to serve his ultimate goal of enslaving every world he conquered and turn people into mindless zombies. What complete irony that Lena was the one who would be against _that._

“What will you do, Ms Luthor, when your friends, your enemies, your lover, are all Darkseid? When there is one body. One mind. One Will. One Life that is Darkseid? Will you be the enemy of all existence then?”

“I’ll be your enemy for as long as I’m breathing,” Lena said, her suit materialising around her and Kara sent a panicked look to Darkseid already watching her. Like he was waiting for her reaction. He smiled when Kara tore off her glasses, her own suit covering her body and lifted her chin when Lena’s helmed head turned her way.

The green glow in her visor showed nothing of her reaction but her chest glowed brighter and Kara’s knees nearly gave out.

“You will give me Myriad, Kryptonian,” Darkseid said.

The glow faded and Lena turned back to him, allowing Kara to breathe easily again.

“Never,” Kara seethed.

Darkseid hummed, and red beams shot from his eyes, knocking Lena back over the table and a few yards away. She skidded across the grass, digging up a long trench, before her body came to a halt and she just laid there. Seemingly boneless. Kara stared frozen in fear until she heard a low chuckle behind her.

“I will destroy everything you love. Everything you like. Everything in my path, until you give me Myriad.”

Kara sped over to Lena, trying to pick her up, but was rendered too weak by the kryptonite. The suit seemed to enhance it and the only thing that made the situation the slightest bit better, was that she could hear the slight _thu-thunk_ of Lena’s heartbeat beneath the metal of her suit.

Kara looked back to see Darkseid casually walking up, as though he knew Kara wouldn’t flee and leave Lena behind. She wanted to call Alex to get Lena while she tried to distract him, but Alex would stay and fight and then even more people she loved would be involved.

She stood and clenched her fists.

“I’m the only one who knows where Myriad is,” she said. “If you kill me, no one will ever find it.”

She readied her body to fight, for pain, and startled when a dark blur zoomed past her, picking Darkseid clear off of the ground, and flew him right through the trees and fence that surrounded the park. Straight through the first building in their path. Kara didn’t wait to see how far Reign would carry him and sped toward her handbag at the picnic table, and took out the neutralising device.

She rushed back to Lena.

Fighting the pain and dizziness as the kryptonite seeped into her pores, she placed the device over her chest and activated it. It moulded itself to Lena’s armour, blending to the metal and Kara knew it worked, when the pain stopped and her head cleared.

Her breath hitched as she stared down at the symbol of the House of El emblazoned on Lena’s chest. It made her eyes burn and her chest ache, but she gently gathered Lena in her arms, tucked her helmed head close and shot into the sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: Darkseid is canon. His Omega Sanction rays, his search for the Anti-Life Equation, his attempt to recruit Kara to lead the Female Furies. All his abilities. What he believes the Anti-Life Equation to be is also canon, I just added the Myriad twist, coz it makes sense to me.  
> Thought I'd mention that because he seems and is, very Overpowered.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the chapter <3
> 
> @NotSoEvilPanda


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have lost the ability to understand the concept of time...I blinked and five days had passed according to my phone. What even is life right now.
> 
> Hope everyone's lungs are good.
> 
> @NotSoEvilPanda

Kara gently laid Lena down on the king-sized bed with its starched white sheets, not caring about the dirt on Lena’s armour, left muddy with condensation from their flight. It had been a tense trip, desperately wanting Lena to wake up, but needing her to stay cooperative until they got to their destination.

Reverently, she brushed her fingers over the crest on Lena’a chest and reluctantly removed the device, revealing the dull green glass-like window. Having no idea how to disable Lena’s suit, she felt around her wrist and heard the uptick in Lena’s heart beat.

Before she could do or say anything, Kara was flipped around and pinned to the bed. Lena straddled her lap, a gauntlet covered hand pressed heavily against her chest and a metallic fist raised in the air, aimed at her face. Kara couldn’t breathe from the pressure keeping her in place. She was powerless in that room and wholly outmatched by Lena in her suit.

Straining for air, she screwed her eyes tightly shut and braced herself for the blow.

A long moment past and the hit never came.

She slowly opened her eyes to find the green slit in Lena’s visor still trained on her and the _thu-thunk_ of her heart rapidly clanking in her chest.

Gradually, the suit retracted and the nano-tech shifted back into Lena’s wristwatch.

Their gazes held along with Kara’s breath and she ached at that familiar betrayal in Lena’s eyes.

Was she doomed to hurt Lena in every reality?

“Lena?” she carefully whispered.

Lena let out a scream and threw herself off of Kara, landing on her feet with an agility Kara never knew she possessed.

“Where am I?” she demanded.

“The Fortress of Solitude.”

“What?”

“Superman liked to come here to feel human. He created this room.”

Lena took in the large loft-style apartment, bathed in the red glow of Rao’s light. The furniture was white and modern all the way up to the kitchen with its black granite counter tops that ran along the living area. Floor-to-ceiling windows covered the opposite length of the room and overlooked a blue ocean with waves that crashed against pure white glaciers. Kara was certain Lois was the one who decorated the space and that she and Clark came there for very specific reasons. Now, thanks to Lena, Kara finally understood the appeal.

Fighting the heat in her cheeks she rubbed the back of her warm neck and cleared her throat.

“I can explain.”

“I don’t care.”

“You don’t understand, I woke up here a few weeks ago—”

“Why am I here, Supergirl?”

“Kara.”

“Is this my prison?”

“No. It’s somewhere safe from Darkseid. And it keeps us on equal footing. I don’t have my powers in this room.”

“So I was supposed to fear you?”

Kara sighed. “Have you ever feared me?”

“No.”

“Good. You have no reason to.”

“I must say, you really had me fooled,” Lena said, her voice cracking and she turned away to stare at the ocean outside the window. “For a moment there, I actually thought you cared.”

“What? Lena, no! I _do_ care.”

“You have me neutralised. Isolated. A prisoner. Kudos to you and your League of Sanctimonious Sycophants. You’ve finally beaten me.”

“Lena, that’s not what this is, or why I was working for you at L-Corp. You need to let me explain. Please.”

“Is part of my punishment to be forced to endure your presence?”

Kara groaned in frustration. She’d forgotten how absolutely stubborn Lena could be.

“You know what? Yes. Yes. You’ve done some very bad things that you need to be held accountable for and should be tasked to set right. I’m not a judge or jury so I won’t be the one to decide what’s going to happen to you next. For all intents and purposes, this is a safe house.”

“Too much of a coward to punish me?”

“What?”

“You catch your bad guys hand them off and wash your hands of them. Whatever happens to them next won’t be on your conscious.”

Kara frowned. “That’s how it works…What do you expect me to do?”

“Take some responsibility. Don’t you see the absurdity in the catch, incarcerate, release cycle your stuck in?”

“I’m not a murderer.”

“You’re not very intimidating either.”

“What exactly do you want me to do? Kill you?”

“It would be the easiest solution.”

“What? No! I’m not killing you and neither is anyone else. Is that why you killed your brother?”

“He kept trying to kill me. It was the only way to stop him.”

Kara exhaled and nodded. She’d nearly killed Lex too when she saw he was still alive.

“So it’s okay when I kill people, but you can’t?” Lena asked.

“It’s never okay, even when it’s justified.”

“Do you remember how long Lex and Superman’s feud lasted?”

“Until you killed Lex.”

Lena grinned sharply. “Exactly. How many lives do you think Superman would’ve saved had he not been such a bleeding heart? Had he taken Lex out the instant he crossed the line that first time?”

“I’m not going to start killing bad guys.”

“I wasn’t suggesting you do that. You told me life wasn’t black and white. Yet you cling to some moral superiority with a desperation that benefits only you and your conscience. Why didn’t you leave me for Darkseid to take care of, Supergirl? Technically, the blood wouldn’t have been on your _squeaky-clean_ hands.”

“Ugh! Why would I leave you? And can you please stop saying Supergirl like that? _Kara._ My name is Kara.”

Lena stared out the window and Kara knew she would be getting the silent treatment. She got off the bed and walked over to the white lounge set and threw herself on the luxury sofa. Groaning internally, she covered her eyes with her forearm.

How was she supposed to get Lena to understand when she refused to listen? That Lena hadn’t attacked her yet was a miracle in and of itself. Kara chose to look at it as a positive sign. That she was on her way to gain at least enough trust for Lena to be willing to hear her out. What she would say to her, was still up for debate. This Lena was scary and Kara struggled to get a read on her, often times conflating her own Lena in the process.

“Am I allowed to shower?”

Startling at the sudden break in silence, Kara sat up, warily eyeing her. “Uhm, yes. Are you hungry?”

“No.”

“I’ll go get some food later.”

“Once you find a way to lock me in here?”

Kara sighed, but didn’t deny it. The room had a standard lock, it wasn’t meant to be a prison and Kara had no doubt Lena would easily escape it. She would figure out how to work the Fortress’s defences in no time. Leaving her alone while she was still angry was the very worst idea.

“The shower’s through there,” she pointed to where a narrow hallway next to the kitchen led to the bathroom. “You should find everything you need in there. Closet’s in the hall if you want a robe, more towels, or something…”

Lena was already halfway to her destination, not bothering to look at Kara. “I’ll find a way out of here, or starve to death, whichever comes first, Supergirl,” she coolly warned and left the room.

***

Kara slowly drank a glass of water and listened to the shower running while she contemplated whether or not to involve Alex in this mess. She was certain they weren’t followed, and even if they were, the Fortress was impenetrable without her DNA. Making contact might not only put everyone else in danger, but may also give away their location. But then she thought of Alex finding her abandoned things in the park and the worry that would undoubtedly evoke, and winced.

“ _Psst_.”

Kara’s head snapped to where a man stood by the door. For a split-second, she panicked at the stranger’s abrupt appearance, but then recognition hit her like a brick to the face.

“Mxy?!” She whisper-shouted. He looked different and yet she somehow knew it was him.

“Kara!” he whispered back just as loudly and then grinned as though he was elated to see her.

After the initial surprise wore off, her stomach boiled with anger and she quickly stalked toward him. “What did you _do_?”

Holding up his hands in supplication, he backed away from her. “Nothing you didn’t ask me to.”

“What?” Kara faltered outside the door, in an area of the fortress that held a few security panels, and was relieved to feel her powers rushing back. Not that they would help her much in that moment.

“Since you don’t remember, let me reiterate that I’ve gone on a mission to right all my wrongs and have been helping those I’ve harmed in the past, you being last on that list.”

Kara stepped further into the room, eyes narrowed, following Mxy as he slowly backed away until a control panel stopped his retreat.

“We went through multiple scenarios where you chose to tell Lena your secret with varying results, and though in almost all, her reaction was positive, something bad always seemed to happen as a result of you sharing the truth with her.”

“Okay…And I ended up here, how?” Kara asked, crossing her arms and loomed over him. He was a lot less smarmy in his new form.

“You were the one who thought you were missing something profound. You asked me to let you live out the worst scenario you could think of in order to help you figure it out.”

“That makes no sense.”

“We were very tired at the time you came up with the idea. We’d gone through a lot of scenarios.”

“So, this isn’t real?”

“It could be.”

“What?”

“Well, I wanted to show you a tape of a world where you never betrayed Lena, you wanted to physically live that reality without knowledge of an exit strategy to see how it all played out.”

“Tape?”

“Let me just show you,” he said, snapped his fingers and Kara’s brain was flooded with a rush of memories. Mxy showing up at her apartment, making J’onn and Alex disappear. Them watching so many timelines of Kara telling Lena her secret. There was one where Lena thought the reason Kara hadn’t told her was because she was a Luthor; another of them working together and everything being perfect; Then Lena dying in her arms… Things kept going wrong over and over again.

She blinked and rubbed her forehead at the rush of information and emotion. “Well, that certainly explains my single-minded focus to be with Lena when I got here. Subconsciously, I must've known that was the reason I was here, right?”

“ _Right_ …That was why...”

Kara frowned, confused by his mocking tone.

“I was supposed to guide you through this, but Lena Luthor shouldn’t be underestimated. She has a way to neutralise fifth-dimensional magic in National City. I could only check on you fleetingly, in non-corporeal form. This has been my first opportunity to safely make contact.”

“Oh.”

Mxy nodded. “Yep.”

“And how long was this all supposed to play out?”

“Until you decided what needs me done.”

“But I don’t know what to do…”

“I could take you back to your original timeline, or you can decide to continue on in this timeline where your and Lena’s… _friendship_ , seems to be growing stronger.”

“So, you just snap your fingers and all of this doesn’t exist anymore? The world; the people?”

“One snap and it’s all gone and you’re back in the present with Lena still mad at you.”

Kara bit her lip and inhaled a shaky breath. “Can you cure cancer?” she rasped.

“ _Are you serious?_ ”

Kara went rigid and Mxy peaked around her shoulder. “So much for super-hearing,” he muttered then dared look apologetic when Kara glared at him.

She slowly turned.

Lena was wrapped in a long silk robe the colour of Kara's cape and wore a matching pair of fluffy slippers. She didn't even shiver amongst the ice as she coolly stared them down, the slither of green glow peeking through the fabric at her chest, was enough to leave Kara’s knees weak, or maybe it was the soft curl of Lena’s loose hair as it tumbled over her shoulders.

Mxy sent Kara a worried glance before plastering on a massive grin. “Ms Luthor!” he greeted, genially extending his hands as though he was a concierge at a fancy hotel.

“Show me what you just showed her,” Lena instructed.

“Why don't we just go back inside—”

“No,” Lena sharply cut him off and Mxy froze. “I think I'll stay right out here.”

Her chest glowed brighter and Kara gritted her teeth as Mxy swallowed thickly. “Of course—”

“But you leave my brain alone. You said something about tapes?”

Mxy faltered, but then smiled brightly again. “Of course.”

He snapped his fingers and a flat-screen TV appeared with a large leather armchair in front of it.

“You must be cold,” he mused and with another snap, Lena was wearing black furry boots and an ankle-length fur coat.

“Faux fur, naturally,” Mxy directed at Kara, “I’m a changed man, after all.” He tilted his head at Lena. “Let’s get you comfortable, Ms Luthor,” he said and blinked away to appear next to the armchair as Lena appeared sitting in it, her jaw clenched in irritation, as she pulled the massive coat closed beneath her throat, practically drowning in all the material. She seemed ready with a scathing remark until she spotted the side-table with a bottle of her favourite Irish Whiskey manifested between them, along with a TV remote control.

“Shall I pour you a glass?” Mxy offered.

Lena eyed him warily and then wordlessly nodded. He sent her a disarming grin, a white cloth hung over his forearm and he bowed, expertly pouring her drink.

“Press play whenever you’re ready,” he said and blinked away to appear next to Kara. “I’ve set the stage,” he whispered, palms open and fingers wiggling as he drew an invisible rainbow arc between them. “Now it’s all up to you.”

Kara frowned.

“Call my name when you need me,” he imperiously announced and disappeared, leaving the room feeling cold and empty, and Kara filling with dread.

“Shouldn’t this place have some kryptonite detection system?”

Kara jumped at Lena’s voice. “It does.”

Lena tilted her head and lifted a brow that Kara tried not to be affected by.

“I disabled it so you wouldn’t get hurt.”

Lena shook her head, looked at the TV and picked up the remote control. “You really are a naive fool,” she said and pressed play.

Kara remained rooted to the spot, eyes shifting between the familiar scenes playing on the screen and the side of Lena’s face. The first time she saw herself at L-Corp, much brighter than she’d ever been here in this timeline, Lena immediately reached for the glass of whisky. When they worked together, she downed her entire glass when they hugged after Kara saved her from Lockwood. Mxy had even compiled Kara’s reactions to the tapes and she wasn’t sure whether that was a good or bad thing yet.

Lena silently watched all of it, while Kara watched her expressionless face, until the TV went black after Kara decided to see a world wherein, they’d never been friends.

Lena remained quiet. And after a few long minutes, Kara couldn’t stand it any longer.

“Lena?”

“Let me get this straight,” Lena said, refilling her glass. “A magical Imp comes to you, tells you that you can go back in time to change history and your immediate thought is to go save your friendship with Lena Luthor?”

“We need each other.”

Lena downed her glass, placed it on the side-table, and stood. The overly large fur coat fell off of one smooth shoulder as she clutched the material to her chest, looking like a noir art piece come to life. “What would make you think that?”

“I didn't become your friend and then I lost myself. In this timeline, I was every bit as focused on a cause as you are. I wouldn't be the Kara Danvers I am today if it wasn't for your belief in me. Your friendship. If this has taught me anything, Lena, it’s that we’re good together. Stronger. We make each other better.”

“You betrayed me and instead of fixing that, you want to erase it? Who, exactly, are you doing that for?”

“I'm...You refuse to listen to me and can’t seem to forgive me. It’s driven you to team up with your brother. I couldn’t let that happen. I’m doing it for us and to keep the world safe from Lex.”

“Then take me down, Supergirl. What right do you have to make a decision like this that affects me and takes away my agency? People make mistakes. We learn from them, or we don't. Why do _you_ get opportunities like this to wipe away yours, or mine? You could've gone back and changed _anything_. Stopped genocides. Cured diseases. Prevented wars. And _this_ was what you chose?”

“What? No...That's not—”

“You're selfish. Self-serving. Entitled. You feel you're good and thus the world should bend to you.”

“I don't think that. I don't believe that.”

“This, all of this, my existence, my torment, is because you were testing out little scenarios with your genie. Oh, how very privileged you are to get to change my life as you please. To play around with my reactions until you find the one that suits _you_ best.”

_No. No. That wasn’t it._

“I’m not here for me, I’m here for you. To stop you from feeling betrayed; from being in pain because of my actions.”

Lena laughed bitterly. “You want to spare me pain? Since the day my mother died and left me with a family who could only use and manipulate me, and only finding friends who did the same, I’ve been no stranger to pain, or betrayal. How very pompous of you to think that it's only your lies that sent me over the edge. How extremely narcissistic of you to think you could erase your part and think I would magically be _fixed_.”

“I didn’t think that. I just wanted you to not hurt anymore; to not forget yourself.”

“Oh, am I that maniacal and unstable that I need you to change history in order to keep me on the right path? Am I not responsible for my own actions and decisions?”

“You are! Why are you being this difficult? You saw the tapes. You saw _us._ You saw how much you mean to me. What we could be together if only I hadn’t hurt you!”

“Then why are you here, fighting for me and not there, fighting for her?”

“Because she doesn't want me to!”

“And I do?”

Kara flinched and Lena laughed bitterly, shrugging the coat off of her shoulders till it bunched at her elbows. She kept the material across her breasts, but her kryptonite heart was bare. The green glow intensified and even through her blurry vision, Kara could see the metal that sprouted from it like long spider legs, covering most of Lena’s pale chest.

She slowly stalked closer and Kara fell against the control panel, fighting to keep herself upright as the krypronite burnt through her veins and made her head throb in agony.

Lena stopped a foot away. “I’m not her.”

“I know,” Kara croaked, the pressure in her head felt like her brain could explode at any second.

“Do you?” Lena asked and dropped the coat.

It pooled in a heap of jet-black around her feet, but Kara’s gaze was glued to the rough scars that covered Lena’s legs, arms and abdomen. Long, jagged, lines mapped her body like she’d been haphazardly mended together, and large patches of raised burn marks were scattered in between them like a cloudy sky.

The tears that had pooled in Kara’s eyes fell free and she glanced up into watery green eyes piercing her with hurt and anger.

“I'm. Not. _Her_ ,” Lena gritted out between clenched teeth, the tendons in her neck stretching with quiet rage. She took hold of Kara’s wrists and placed Kara’s hands over the mastectomy scars on her chest.

Kara's breath caught on a sob. Kryptonite seeped into her skin.

Unsure whether it was the poison, or her sorrow, she collapsed to her knees and pressed her face against Lena's stomach, dizzy and panting heavily. She faced the rigid scar that crossed Lena’s abdomen from her hip to below her heart. Like it had been opened and sutured shut a few too many times…

Her cheek nuzzled the coarse burn mark that stretched wider than the circumference of her head and she tugged her wrists free without needing to use much force.

Feeling almost stuck in a trance, Kara moved her hands around Lena's waist, shaky fingers tracing healed wounds that marred Lena’s body. Some were bumpy and smooth, others sunken little grooves that ran down her back like rivulets…

If anyone would have asked her what someone who’d survived a helicopter crash, an explosion of that magnitude, would look like, this would be it. What had she really thought had happened? How traumatic must the entire event not have been? Then to be saved only to be experimented on? _Tortured_ for two years?

“I should've saved you,” Kara cried into Lena's stomach, her entire body shaking. “I don't know why I didn’t. This should never have happened to you.”

Lena allowed her to cry and Kara was afraid to look up at her. Ashamed to look. Knowing what she would find when she did: more betrayal. More anguish. She froze when Lena lowered into a lithe, feline crouch, lifting Kara’s chin when they were eye-to-eye.

“Why didn't I save you?” Kara miserably sniffed. “Why did I let Lex—”

Fingers covered her lips.

Tears silently flowed across Lena’s face and her lips were parted as though she was in shock. She rasped out shallow breaths as she intently searched Kara’s face. The burn of kryptonite had faded at some point and Kara placed her hand over the transparent material covering the green on Lena’s chest. It still hurt a lot being that close and the poison spread up her arm, but Kara barely noticed as she felt the rapid beating of Lena’s heart. In there somewhere, still beating, though most likely at least partly mechanical. A morbid part of herself that she was shamed by, thought of how beautiful it must look.

“Maybe the only way for me to not be in your life, was for me to not be in National City at all,” Lena softly reasoned and Kara wanted to be relieved that the anger had faded and was replaced with what seemed to be light scrutiny, skepticism, and a comforting softness that bordered on awe and disbelief.

“I asked for it, though.” Kara hoarsely reminded. “I did this to you.”

“My mother did this to me. And many other people too. But never you.”

“But—”

“This isn't real.”

“Your pain is real,” Kara rasped, her hand falling away as she searched Lena’s face. “I'm not going to give up on you,” she resolutely vowed. “I know with enough time you can find a cure. Or I can ask Mxy to cure you. You can _live_ and watch the world change for the better because you’re in it.”

Lena shook her head. “Don't let me remain this broken.”

Kara cupped her cheek, the flawlessness of Lena’s face seemed like a sick joke now. The message was clear: Lillian could’ve done more cosmetically. She’d simply chosen not to.

“You're not broken.” Whatever Lena thought, she was still her. She was still good. She was still perfect.

Lena softly kissed her and Kara fell into the gentle pressure, willingly drowning in the simple affection and ignored the kryptonite that set her blood on fire and made her head ache and her stomach tumble.

“I’m relieved that there’s a version of me out there still worthy of love,” Lena told her. “Who hasn’t become a monster, yet. Who has you acting an idiot, trying to salvage a relationship with her.”

Kara smiled tremulously. “I loved you in each and every one of those timelines, no matter the circumstances, or outcomes. It took me falling in love with _you_ here, to realise that. You’re the farthest thing from a monster, Lena, and worthy of so much love.”

The lump in Kara’s throat hurt when Lena smiled beautifully.

“Go home, Kara,” she murmured. “Don’t let me become this.”

Kara nodded her promise, finally understanding that Lena wasn’t referring to her body, or the cancer; distracted by the fingers that cupped her face as though she were something precious and delicate to hold.

“My choices are my own to make.”

Kara’s brows knitted, unsure why she was emphasising that, but Lena’s fingers stroked over her cheeks and she mindlessly nodded again, her eyes fluttering shut.

“I don't think it's possible for anyone who has known you, to not love you, Kara,” Lena softly murmured.


	10. Chapter 10

Hunched over and shoulders violently shaking, Kara soundlessly wept into her hands.

“You made the right decision,” Mxy sombrely soothed from where he sat on the couch beside her.

“Did I?” she croaked, lifting her heavy head to look at him. “It feels like I killed her.”

“She’s not dead. She’s here. They were all her at different points in the past and under different circumstances.”

Kara couldn’t deny that. She’d seen it and felt it, but the choice she made still felt wrong. Her heart wouldn’t stop aching and experience has taught her that what she was feeling in that moment, was grief.

“I wish you never sought me out,” she quietly admitted. “Everything feels worse now.”

“You see a lot of things when you stop only thinking about yourself...” Mxy said with an earnestness that stunned Kara. “I do genuinely like you. And I feel it's very important for you to understand that fixing someone, and fixing your relationship with that someone, are two very different things that when conflated can really derail an already tense situation.”

Kara sighed, but nodded.

“You’ve changed,” she murmured, appraising him.

“For the better?” he hopefully asked.

“Definitely, yes.” She smiled and hugged him when he opened his arms. She even allowed him to lay his head on her shoulder, because he did it in an almost child-like manner.

“Did you find what you needed, or do I still owe you a favour?”

Kara nodded. Despite nerves and dread warring in her stomach and the sorrow constricting her chest, the entire time travelling alternate timeline fiasco had opened her eyes to so many things.

“Thank you, Mxy.”

He beamed back at her. “Good luck.”

***

Kara climbed into Lena’s building through a window on her apartment floor and wasn’t surprised when the door swung open the second she stood in front of it. Lena’s place had the type of security that set Kara’s mind at ease about her safety. If only she didn’t have to worry about everyone else’s from Lena and her well-meaning brain.

She’d done a quick fly-by to make sure everyone was okay and that there was no Darkseid or Female Fury destruction. Maybe they would be a problem in future and in addition to all her newfound clarity, Mxy’s gift was to give them a warning too, granting them some much needed time to prepare.

“Kara,” Lena stated, unable to hide her surprise. She was dressed in a dark maroon V-neck sweater and looked so soft and pretty, it made Kara ache with longing, but at least the sense of grief was starting to dull.

When last had Lena seen her as Kara?

At first, she’d shown up as Supergirl almost as a way of overcompensating for the fact that she’d hidden that part of herself from Lena. But then the suit became a way to protect herself. Somehow, Lena’s hurt and wrath was a little easier to handle when it was directed at Supergirl. Now though, she could see how that had been a huge mistake. It only reminded Lena of the lie and made it easier for her to forget everything else about their friendship.

“May I come in?” she tentatively asked.

“I suppose you’ll simply fly in through my balcony doors if I said no,” Lena retorted and stepped aside.

Deciding not to answer, because that wasn’t exactly a lie, Kara entered the apartment and went to sit on the couch before Lena could change her mind and kick her out.

Coming to stand in front of her, Lena crossed her arms over her chest and watched with suspicion as Kara wrung her hands in her lap.

“Do you have any idea what your friendship means to me?” Kara croaked, her heart throbbing thickly in her throat. “The respite you offered? Just being around you and basking in the fact that you weren't looking to me to fix anything, or save anyone…You saw me as a partner when we worked together. You shared the burden with me and when you weren't involved, willingly or not, in D.E.O. business, simply being able to leave and come to you; sit down and try out new food and listen to you laugh...”

“Kara?” Lena confusedly asked.

“Do you know how many times I was so emotionally exhausted that giving up any semblance of a life seemed the only way to not be torn in two? You, on those days, without you knowing, without me realising it, you made it so much better. _Easier_. You made it feel good to just be Kara. You allowed me to exist in your space and for a while, Supergirl had you too and it was just nice…”

“For you.”

She flinched. “Yes. For me. I was selfish. I never meant to hurt you.”

“Didn’t you?”

“No! I didn’t even realise how much of a dumb mistake I was making. I knew I should tell you, and I wanted to on so many occasions, but I never anticipated the degree to which you would feel betrayed...”

“And that absolves you?”

“No, Lena! _Rao_. That’s not—I’m just trying to explain that I’ve always been myself with you. More myself than anywhere else. Supergirl isn’t all I am. She’s not even most of me. She’s like a job. A uniform. A symbol.”

“A job that affected me. That broke into my lab. That berated me about kryptonite and made me feel like a criminal.”

Kara groaned and Lena huffed. “You show up here, unannounced, with your epiphanies and revelations…What did you expect me to do? Forgive and forget?”

“I don't expect anything. I mean I want—I would like…I have a lot of hope…but I don't expect...”

Lena shook her head and Kara's gaze fell to her chest. Somewhat soothed by the familiar heartbeat, albeit a little bit faster than usual.

“You don't think I want to forgive you?” Lena harshly whispered. “That I don't want to believe that our friendship was real? At least once an hour I consider calling you and screaming at you until you understand…”

“Understand what? Lena, I'm slow when it comes to these things, please tell me what you need me to understand?”

“I want you to understand how difficult it is to trust someone who can walk into your office with smiles that make your heart hurt with happiness and the next moment fly through your balcony and make you feel small and wrong and unworthy.”

Kara sucked in a breath that struggled passed the knot in her throat.

“I ignored the way Supergirl smelled and felt the same as you…The way your hair and eyes were the exact same shade…And your mouths—your lips—do you realise how I pushed aside all of my sense and logic? I did it, subconsciously, because I trusted you that much. I would rather believe my mind was playing tricks on me; that I was going crazy, than that _you_ were hiding things from me. That _you_ would make me feel like nothing but an untrustworthy Luthor.”

“I didn’t mean to—”

“But what made it infinitely harder to believe, was how effortlessly you acted like two entirely different people. How can I trust someone who's able to carry on a performance like that, Kara? Tell me, please, because I would give anything not to feel like this anymore.”

“Lena—”

“When I found out, all I obsessed over was what more I’d needed to do to earn your trust. For you to know that I was yours—your friend and would accept whatever part you played when you put on that suit. Like you accepted me and the parts I sometimes needed to play for others, but never had to with you.”

“You didn’t need to do anything—”

“And it was okay that you had a secret, Kara. But to have one that all your other friends knew about...One that you didn’t trust me with after so many years of friendship…After everything we’d been through…”

“Most of the people who know, I didn’t even tell, Lena. Your friendship— _you_ —you made me feel like I was important; like I was enough. You saw me as a hero without the suit. You valued my opinion and listened when I spoke not because I was an alien with superpowers.”

Lena stared in disbelief. “I can hardly see Alex not seeing you for who you are.”

“Her job is—was—to handle Supergirl. That's how we became closer again, because I became Supergirl and she didn't have to hide a big part of her life from me anymore. Her life and Supergirl’s are intertwined. She can’t switch it off even if she tried…In fact, most of my other friends are involved in helping Supergirl. They see me as her even without the suit, because there’s constantly something on the horizon that needs defending against…A plan that needs to be made. Investigations to be had…” Kara adjusted her glasses, trying to pull herself together, because Lena was still listening and that had to be good. “Then there was you, who didn't even like Supergirl.”

“I liked her just fine up until she became a hypocrite.”

Kara nodded. “My reaction to you making kryptonite might’ve seemed as though it was because you're a Luthor to you, but for me, it was because you’re Lena. Lena who saves me and who would never hurt me. I felt betrayed by the very thought that you would have something—one of the very few things—that could actually kill me…It made no sense to me at the time and I reacted poorly because I took it personally whereas I finally understand now that it wasn’t.”

“Kara—”

“Alex was nearly killed because someone knew who I was. At one point we had her memories of me as Supergirl removed entirely to protect this secret. You think I wanted to add that burden—that danger—onto you as well?”

Lena sighed. “Your words say you wanted to protect me, but all I hear is that you took away my choice. That I’m some fragile flower who can’t decide for herself which things are worth the danger and fighting for.”

Kara tried very hard not to read too much into that statement, but Lena’s face was fierce, her eyes intense and all Kara wanted to do was pull her closer.

“Please, Lena,” she shamelessly pleaded. “Please tell me what I need to do so you won't be mad at me anymore. I can't—I need you in my life. In whatever way you feel comfortable being in it.”

Lena’s jaw twitched, grinding her teeth and she looked away, arms tightly folded across her chest.

“I want to earn back your trust,” Kara carefully stated. “Because before, the only people who could make me feel safe, who I knew I could count on no matter the circumstances, were you and Alex.”

Lena’s arms fell to her sides and she hopelessly stared at Kara. “I don’t—”

“Please, Lena,” she begged, eyes burning with desperate tears. “You don't have to forgive me, but can you please just acknowledge that me keeping that secret from you wasn't because I didn’t trust you, but solely because I was terrified of losing you? Of losing the sanctuary you provided?”

Head tilted, as though she was confused, Lena stepped forward and lowered down in front of her. Kara’s insides jumped at the warm hand that braced itself against her knee and calmed at the gentle fingers that brushed her bangs out of her eyes.

“I miss you so much,” she continued, unwilling to ask why Lena was so close all of a sudden. She was saying the right things apparently and didn’t want to lose momentum. “So many things have happened that I’ve wished I could talk to you about. That I felt only you would understand…Please give me another chance. I promise I won’t ever betray you again.”

Lena looked at her with the same wonder, disbelief, and shock other Lena had when Kara cried at hearing she was sick…

“Okay,” Lena murmured and Kara mimicked her shock.

“Really?” she breathed.

“Honestly, I don’t know, Kara, but I’m so tired…I don’t know if things can go back to the way they were, but…I think…Maybe part of me had been waiting for some form of betrayal from you and I instantly closed myself off the second that was confirmed and might not have been entirely open to hearing you out…”

“Do you mean that?”

Lena brows furrowed.

“Do you really mean that, or are you just saying it so I would trust you and think you're working on forgiving me and a few weeks from now you'll hurt me a-again?”

Lena inhaled a sharp breath, startled, and searched Kara’s teary face.

“Because I would rather you just blast me with kryptonite, Lena, it would hurt a lot less.”

Lena’s lips parted and she placed both hands on Kara’s knees. They were trembling furiously and it was all Kara could do not to take them in her own.

“Kara—I didn’t…I’m sorry,” she solemnly said. “I wanted to hurt you. It was vindictive and cruel and it made me feel as though I took back some power when I did it, but that was wrong and it didn’t make me feel even remotely better. In fact, afterward, I felt only worse…I thought I was doing what you had done to me…”

“I would never purposely hurt you.”

And why did Lena always look so shocked by her?

“I thought I wanted to hurt you…” Lena rasped. “I thought you deserved it…”

“You don’t think that way anymore?”

Lena shook her head. “I don’t know what I think anymore, Kara. I thought I was on the right path…I was working with Supergirl and the D.E.O.; on miracle treatments that would change the foundation of medicine forever...I thought I was becoming my own person…Someone who could be respected; and leave a positive mark on this world, despite my last name.”

“You were. You have done so much already.”

“But then I killed Lex, and multiple worlds were destroyed and suddenly Lex was alive again and my mother’s back in my life and the world is just so _different_ now, you know?” Kara nodded, knowing exactly what she meant. “It seems better, but so much has changed for me and I simply don’t know anything anymore…Even Brainy has changed, as lost to me as Alex now is, who before I could talk to for hours about my research…I feel as though I can’t trust anyone; worse still, I’m struggling to trust myself and my ability to discern right from wrong...”

“We need time to adjust,” Kara said, not having thought of the whirlwind Lena had gone through, too caught up in her own life spinning out of control. “To settle.” She nodded firmly, pleased when Lena absently copied, big green eyes fixed on her face.

“I missed you too, Kara,” she admitted, and Kara’s heart spasmed. “You spoilt me in that you were always there, keeping me steady when I faltered.” Kara beamed, stomach swooping when Lena shyly smiled back. “I think that losing you only added to my current spiral…”

“You didn’t lose me, Lena. I’m still here.”

When Lena ducked her head and Kara could practically feel the self-doubt radiating off of her, she lifted Lena’s chin and softly pressed their mouths together. Lena froze for only a second, before she kissed back, fingers curling around Kara’s nape; lips open and wanton. A wave of relief, love, and arousal clenched at her very core and Kara whimpered.

The sound seemed to startle Lena and she broke away, stumbling back. She got to her feet, brows knitting tighter and tighter together. “What?” Lena asked, and absently traced her own lips.

“I—oh no…” She'd gotten really confused. They didn't kiss in this timeline. “I'm sorry. Was that—do you not?”

Lena straightened her spine and the non-existent creases in her sweater. “What was that, Kara?”

“The kiss?”

“Yes.”

“It was a kiss...?”

“Why?”

“Because I'm in love with you?”

“ _What?_ ”

“Oh.”

“ _Oh?_ Kara, what—”

She hurriedly stood and Lena seemed to tense up, warily eyeing her. And it really hurt, but she’d forgotten that they weren’t like that here. Worse still, she’d told Lena she loved her and Lena just blinked at her as though she were crazy.

Fighting to keep her panic firmly on the inside, she shoved a flashdrive in Lena’s direction, cringing when Lena took a step back as though fearing she would be attacked.

“Here,” Kara murmured. “So, there are no more secrets between us.”

“What is it?” Lena asked, but at least took the device from her, examining it as though she could somehow see its contents with her bare eyes.

“Other Lena recorded a message for you. I’m not sure what’s on there aside from all the tapes Mxy and I went through because she asked me not to look.”

“ _Other Lena_? Tapes? What?”

Kara face-palmed. Literally. And rubbed her forehead. “I’ve done this all wrong,” she groaned.

“Done what all wrong?”

“You remember I told you about Mxyzptlk?”

“Yes…”

“He came back, apologised, and offered to make it up to me.”

“Okay…”

“He said he would help me determine when the ideal time would’ve been to tell you that I was Supergirl. And that drive contains footage of every scenario we went through.”

“Okay…” Lena said, staring at the drive with obvious suspicion and a little bit of curiosity.

“Also,” Kara inhaled a shaky breath, “just so you know, I kissed her.”

Lena’s head snapped up; eyes flashing. “You kissed who?”

“Lena. I kissed Lena.”

“I know you kissed me. It happened a minute ago—” Lena’s breath hitched, and she looked pained. “You kissed someone else named Lena?”

“Other you. In one of the timelines. The one who left you the message. We kissed each other…And stuff…”

“And _stuff_?”

“I—she—we…” Kara glanced toward the kitchen and grew hot all over. “She did things to me...”

“She _did_ things to you?” Lena exclaimed, looking horrified.

“ _No_. I mean, yes. She did good things to me. Very good things. Nothing bad.”

“You had sex with her? With me? In an alternate timeline?”

“Uhm, sort of? I feel I should say sorry, but it's not something to be sorry about. I loved it. I love her. I love you. I wasn't sure what reality was and I’d lost some of my memory for a while. A lot was happening, Lena, and it was my feelings for you that set everything off. And please, please understand—” Kara paused, eyes widening. “Oh Rao, I violated you, didn't I? I'm so sorry. I should—I should—” she took a step back, but stopped when Lena reached out and took hold of her wrist. Those warm fingers slide away again to pinched the bridge of Lena’s nose.

“I don't understand what's happening,” she said, looking as though she had a migraine and it did nothing to calm Kara’s racing heart. “I'm going to ask you to leave and then take a look at this.” She lifted the flashdrive.

Kara nodded and hung her head in shame. What had she been thinking? She should’ve led with the alternate timelines when she’d arrived. She should’ve taken a nap. Spoken to her friends and come to Lena when she felt a little less emotionally unstable and desperate.

“Kara,” Lena softly said, gaining her full attention again. “I know you, and however things have soured between us, I know you won't ever take advantage of someone. Especially like that. Okay?”

Kara released a breath. “Okay.”

“I would like to be alone now, if you don't mind?”

“Yeah. Yes, of course.”

“I appreciate you coming here and being honest with me.”

Kara gave a jerky nod, dismayed when her eyes blurred with tears again because it was such a gentle dismissal, so much better than their last few interactions, but Lena didn’t appear half as affected as she was. Kara felt so much more invested in their relationship…

What if Lena didn’t love her back? Or didn’t even like her like that? She’d pulled away from the kiss just now. Maybe Lena had once been attracted to her, but Kara had lost her chance?

Her stomach whirled like she would throw up at any second and she placed a hand over her heart when it ached so badly, she felt it would rupture at any second.

“Are you okay?”

She looked up into genuinely concerned eyes. “Are we okay?”

“I don’t know, Kara…” The pain was back and Kara struggled not to bend at the waist; struggled to breathe. “I've done so many awful things—”

“We've both made mistakes,” she quickly interrupted. “Hurt each other.”

Lena nodded. Guarded and distant, looking so much like her alternate self that Kara drew in a shuddering breath, unable to stand being there any longer.

“Thank you for listening,” she husked, and sped away through the open doors of Lena’s balcony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I underestimated how much these two needed to say to each other. Needed to split the chapters and this felt like a good place to cut it. I'll update the final one either tomorrow or the day after depending on how much Witcher 3 I play.
> 
> Also:  
> Does Kelly know Kara is Supergirl in canon?  
> Has Lena's mom been given a name?  
> These questions have nothing to do with this fic so don't worry that I won't update if I don't get answers lol
> 
> xx  
> @NotSoEvilPanda


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Started making it. Had a breakdown. Bon Appétit.

Nia laughed at her.

Kara had a couch cushion over her face, her head resting on Nia’s thigh. Hot with embarrassment and from suffocating herself in an attempt to hide her humiliation.

The laughter wasn’t malicious, though. Nia’s hand gently stroked through her hair in comfort that did nothing to unspool Kara’s tightly wound body as she peeked from beneath the cushion.

Mxy was gone and Kara had found the tiny bonsai on her coffee table when she returned from Lena’s and had promptly burst into tears all over again. That was yesterday.

That morning, she’d called Nia and Alex over and told them everything. She wished Kelly could be there too, like she’d been there for her in the other timeline, but Kelly didn’t know she was Supergirl, yet, and Kara could see first-hand how keeping her secret from people could drastically influence her relationship with them.

After she’d finished relaying her entire escapade with Mxy up until she’d fled Lena’s apartment, there’d been a long pause of shocked silence and then Nia had joked that Kara had no game and the mood lightened. Kara had let out a breath of relief that they weren’t attempting to warn her off of Lena, not yet at least, until she noticed how quiet Alex had gone.

Kara watched from beneath her protective cushion, the way Alex’s face was blank and she stared off at nothing. Nia made a good attempt at filling the silence, but there was only so much to joke about Kara continuously messing things up with the woman she loved before it just became sad.

Alex got up without a word and the hand in her hair lightly scratched her scalp, only making the knot in her throat thicker. She could feel Alex return and sit down on the carpet in front of her.

Removing her cushion, Kara warily sat upright and took in the two bottles of alcohol and three shot glasses Alex lined up. She poured one for each of them, and Kara warily accepted hers when it was shoved in her direction.

“A toast,” Alex said, “to me, for not being the slowest sapphic in the family anymore.”

The tension shattered and Kara laughed through the pleasant burn of alien liquor down her throat; through the weird tears down her cheeks and happily answered all of the questions that were being fired at her.

“I know platonic friendships can be intense,” Alex slurred, four pizzas later. “But you and Lena make so much more sense now.”

Still next to her, Nia slowly nodded and Kara did too, but her fuzzy brain was elsewhere.

“Hey, Alex,” she said, as though they weren’t just talking to each other. “Let’s say you met a woman—”

“I have a woman.”

“Let’s say a hypothetical you, met a hypothetical woman.”

“Okay.” Alex grinned and Kara rolled her eyes in slow motion.

“And this woman,” she paused. “This woman…”

“This woman?” Nia prodded.

“This woman took you home and she…”

Kara wasn’t sure how to say it.

“She what…?” Alex warily asked.

“She—”

Kara was cut off by Nia taking hold of her wrist to stop her fingers obscenely pumping into the air. Her entire body grew hotter and she hesitantly looked at Alex whose face seemed to struggle between amusement and horror.

“And we had sex…?” Alex carefully asked.

“And she only touched you…” Kara said. “Is it still considered sex?”

“Touched me?”

“Yeah, no, I shouldn’t have asked you, ‘cause I don’t want to hear things from your mouth,” Kara told her and grabbed her phone.

“You are not drunk-dialling Lena!” Nia exclaimed, reaching for the phone Kara easily held away from her.

“I’m not calling, Lena,” she mumbled, squinting at the screen as she tapped the call button and placed the phone against her ear. “I’m giving her space to show her that I love and respect her a lot.”

Her audience of two watched her in anticipation.

“Kelly!” she said the second Kelly picked up the call, “let’s say, hypothetically speaking, that you met a hypothetical woman—”

***

Lex summoned her before Kara could demand to see him, which only made her grumpier.

She took the elevator up to his office, certain he would’ve been alerted to her presence the instant she entered the building. It was something she’d learnt from the Cat Grant School of Anticipation and Intimidation. A lesson she doubted she could pull off, but the time it took to get to her destination, did provide her the time to settle her resolve.

The D.E.O. had never felt like a warm and cozy place, but it’d had J'onn and Alex before… Now it was easier to see it for what it had always been: A cold, sad, place filled with secrets, death and pain.

It wasn’t the morbid thoughts she’d needed in that moment and caught up in trying to dispel them, she blindly rounded a corner and something soft smashed into her chest. Only instinct had her grab Lena’s hips, steadying her and she drew in a sharp breath when Lena’s hands gripped her biceps in return.

Startled green eyes locked onto her and they both froze, perhaps time itself did, Kara didn’t know and didn’t care, because Lena’s face was really close.

“Hi,” Lena whispered.

“Hi…” Kara hazily replied and reluctantly let go when Lena moved away, but not before giving her arms a squeeze that made Kara’s blood run hot and her stomach flutter.

Dark eyes drank her in and she wasn’t imagining it, was she? Her thoughts came to an abrupt halt when Lena bit her lip, the corner of her mouth tilting into a slight smile and then she just walked off, leaving Kara breathless and somehow feeling both energised and exhausted at the same time.

Unsure how long she stood staring at the corner Lena had rounded, entirely shaken by the unexpected encounter, Kara glanced across the mercifully empty room, to where Lex stood watching her through the glass wall of his office.

 _So much for intimidation_.

Kara was certain he could see the way her legs still trembled when she eventually entered his office, closing the door behind her. Instead of the smarmy amusement she’d expected, he seemed irritated with barely concealed anger.

Kara folded her arms across her chest. “I’m not a bodyguard,” she gritted out in response to the command he’d given via phone call to protect Andrea Rojas.

“There’s no need to be combative, Supergirl. We’re doing good. Protecting people. Isn’t that your entire spiel?”

“The D.E.O. has enough resources to protect her. I’ll help when needed, but no citizens get special protection details, no matter how rich they are.”

His jaw twitched, gaze hardening. “It wasn’t a request. I’m telling you that you will protect Andrea Rojas.”

“No.”

“Shacking up with my sister for five minutes and you suddenly grow a backbone,” he muttered.

Kara frowned, wondering if Lena would have told him about the alternate timelines and if she had, why she would go into detail. Mortified at the thought, it took her a moment to respond.

“Whatever you and Lena have planned—”

“Whatever you and Lena are up to—” They chorused and paused at the exact same moment, blinking at each other. The thought that it might be a trick was fleeting when she noticed how genuinely upset he was.

For the past week, she’d had to repeatedly talk herself out of—and get other people to talk her out of—going to see Lena again. She’d laid her cards on the table; had bombarded Lena with far too much information all at once, but the ball was in Lena’s court now.

It was jarring to miss two people so much and have them be the same person.

“She’s not with you?” he asked.

“No,” Kara answered honestly, mostly because she didn’t want him to think Lena had anything to do with her decision and risk him taking it out on her. “You made very sure to damage our relationship beyond repair.”

“I wasn’t the one who lied to her.”

Kara flinched and he laughed in her face.

“I'm really tired of you and my sister forgetting that the only reason you’re both here, is because of me. Because _I_ wanted you at my side; fighting for the good of humanity.”

“Are you serious?”

“We now live in a better world because of me.”

“You made a wish and the Luthor name was rebranded and people think you’re some philanthropic hero…Do you know who’s everything you pretend to be without needing to deceive and cheat and be a miserable human being throughout a crisis that stretched multiple worlds, to gain all those accolades?”

He only glared and Kara smiled proudly. “ _Lena_. Lena has actually saved the world, rebranded Luthor Corp and cleaned up the mess _you_ made. She’s better than you in every conceivable way. It must really sting that your little sister is everything you’ll never be.”

His glare softened and a purposely fake smile spread across his face. “How very poetic that a Super has fallen in love with a Luthor. Your infatuation has clearly made you delusional, _Kara Danvers_.”

The threat to expose her wasn’t even subtle. She must’ve really hit a nerve.

Aside from obsessing over what Lena was thinking about those tapes and missing her and other Lena, Kara’s mind had repeatedly gone back to that one singular timeline where everything had been perfect up until all her friends were murdered... She could've still picked it. Prevented the massacre considering she knew who was responsible. Though her friends must’ve been unprepared if they’d fallen at the hands of a second-rate villain. Maybe that world had been so perfect, they’d all gone soft.

Whatever the case, Kara had come to understand that Mxy was a Fifth-dimensional Imp. Their entire purpose was to wreak havoc while giving you what you thought you wanted. He’d helped her in the only way he knew how.

“You forget where we are, Lex,” she stated, standing taller. “We created Earth-Prime. Many of my friends are here now. My very powerful friends and allies who aren't affected by kryptonite. Some who wouldn’t even require a reason if I asked them to take you out.” Lex lifted a brow, weirdly reminding her of Lena and Kara nearly faltered, but lifted her chin. “Don’t underestimate yourself. A lot of people really don’t like you.”

He laughed drily and looked back across his desk where Kara knew he kept a kryptonite-alimented gun in the lead-lined drawer. There was a bigger, deadlier, one in his safe behind the bookcase too and so very conveniently, Earth-Prime, at present, didn’t have a singular kryptonite resistant suit.

“My sister’s fond of you,” Lex said, settling back against his desk, regaining his composure like a switch had been flipped. “So I’m going to ignore your little rebellion and let Andrea know to expect you at Catco in one hour.”

“Do you know what it makes me if I allow you to blackmail me into doing your bidding?”

Lex sighed and carelessly shrugged. “What?”

“It makes me complicit in your crimes. Because I’m protecting my own interest above those who count on me to keep them safe.”

“Such a martyr,” he bitterly remarked.

“Because of people like you, my friends and family have learnt to become tough and resourceful. I have faith that they can protect themselves and each other. Most importantly, they have me, who’ll destroy anyone who poses a threat to their safety.”

“You're a murderer now?” He seemed darkly elated at the idea.

“I believe everyone deserves a fair trial. To be given the benefit of the doubt and a second chance to prove they can change…Thing is, Lex, you ran out of chances a long time ago.”

“Oh? You were giving me chances at redemption?” he mockingly asked. “Would you like me to thank you?”

“You mistake me for my cousin,” Kara stated. “He let you get away so many times because he was afraid of losing what he perceived to be his humanity if he ever harmed a human being.”

“And you have no humanity,” he smugly stated. “Just another alien believing herself to be a god amongst men.”

“I'm not human,” Kara agreed. “A tap of my fist against your chin can break your neck…A blast of my heat vision can instantly explode your head…” She took a step forward and basked in the way his heart rate spiked when she was abruptly a few inches away, forcing him to look up at her. “You're fragile. Slow. I could kill you before you can even think the word kryptonite.”

“Wait until the public hears about how Supergirl threatened a Nobel Peace Prize winner.”

“There’s no logic in valuing your life above the lives of the people I love. Above the lives of the innocents who count on me for protection.”

“And here I believed it was a question of morality, rather than logic.”

“People seem to think of me as some sort of machine, programmed to forever only make the right choices despite the consequences…” Kara frowned. “I’ve come to learn that the right choice is entirely subjective.” She smiled then. “If you go after my friends and family, Lex, if any of the games you like to play in an attempt to control me leads to them being placed in harm’s way, I won’t see it as murder when I come for you, but rather a suicide mission you willingly chose to go on. Removing you then, would be the absolute right thing to do.”

He chuckled lightly, but Kara didn’t need her powers to note the strain in his features; the rigidity in his posture that was a testament of anxiety rather than the etiquette lessons Lillian Luthor had ingrained in her children.

“Finally showing your true colours, Supergirl. That innocent act you do for the cameras—kissing babies and saving kittens from trees, those ridiculous bangs to make you softer to the male gaze—it’s all a facade, isn’t it? You enjoy flaunting your power over us mere mortals.”

Kara barked out a laugh, maybe enjoying the way he flinched at the sound a bit too much, and made sure to loom over him, relishing in the sweat dusting his brow. It was more a reflection on him rather than her that he thought she would kill him right then. The majority of his crimes had taken place in a different world, to her knowledge, they didn’t seem to exist on Earth-Prime and Kara was intent on keeping it that way.

“I’m Kara Zor-El, last daughter of Krypton and one of the most powerful beings in many worlds. Remember my real name if you’re ever stupid enough to try and use it against me again.”

***

She still ended up saving Andrea, but on her own terms. Lex hadn’t outed her yet, too her knowledge. He and Brainy were focused on something and Kara hated that they’d been unable to get Brainy to come back to them. Whatever Lex was up to, Brainy was convinced they were doing good and part of her was comforted that he was there and keeping an eye on Lex, the rest of her, though, knew Lex was a manipulative bastard who twisted the world until it fit with his warped vision.

He left her alone though, and she enjoyed simply flying over National City on patrol—without people barking orders into her ear—stopping petty criminals, and yes, saving a few cats from trees, because her time was her own and she could do with it what she pleased. Her newfound freedom had her feeling rejuvenated and ready to take on whatever Lex planned on throwing her way.

Through the city sounds she flew over, her practised ear picked up on a woman shouting and colourfully swearing. Kara was there in a second, flying over a brunette, a mugger sprinting off with her handbag, ducking and twirling in between the people crowding the sidewalk during the lunch hour rush.

Kara tracked him from above, waiting for the crowd to clear and when there was a lull in pedestrian traffic, the man slowed, unaware of her presence above him. Thinking he was safe, he stopped to search the bag, most likely to grab what he could and dump the rest. But instinct had him glance over his shoulder, only to see the woman had given pursuit.

“Stop! Mugger!” she yelled and there was something familiar about her voice, but the man took off again and was instantly tripped by a black stiletto, face-planting onto the cement sidewalk.

Kara grinned, her heart leaping in excitement and she dove down, grabbing the mugger by the back of his shirt when he tried to get up and run off again.

“Doctor Luthor,” she flashed Lena a smile.

“Supergirl,” she husked in return and a shiver went up Kara’s spine.

It had been three months: Ninety-seven achingly long days, since they last spoke.

“Just a moment, please,” Kara requested, took the bag from the mugger and handed it to the lady who ran up to them. “ _Jess?_ ”

“Why don’t you go inside and call the police,” Lena interjected, before Kara could out herself to even more people.

Jess sent her a suspicious look that could’ve meant anything, but went inside.

Kara’s head was spinning and she absently hooked the guy’s shirt onto a thick tree branch and left him hanging there.

“Jess is back,” she softly said and fell into step beside Lena as they made their way up the front steps of the three-story building.

“Yes,” Lena simply said, eyes trailing over Kara who held the door for her. She walked inside though and Kara subtly inhaled a waft of Lena’s perfume when she passed and followed her inside.

Lena stopped in the fancy lobby with its cool metallic and glass fixtures decorating the space atop a shiny black marble floor. Well out of human earshot, a man sat behind a reception desk, in front of silver lettering that read “Venture Tech”.

And a few steps away from him, a uniformed security guard stood near the elevator, next to Jess rapidly talking on her phone.

They would only be officially opening the following month and Kara had read every single article she could find on the company. Nia had scored an exclusive interview with Lena herself and Kara’s excitement for them both managed to temper most of her jealousy.

“This is amazing, Lena.”

“Smaller than expected?”

“Honestly, yes, but only because I read about all you were planning to do here.”

“The classified projects are all underground, for security purposes,” she explained. “For the first time in my life, the Luthor name doesn’t cause doors to instantly slam in my face. Or require me to prostrate myself in front of mediocre men while I make apologies for family members. I can simply present my ideas and have them be heard without prejudice. Well, aside from the usual prejudice that befalls a woman in science.”

“I can’t wait to see what your team comes up with,” Kara reverently told her.

Lena had sold off only two of her patents to fund the place. That was the level of genius she held. Investors were falling over themselves to try and secure a piece of Venture Tech. Nia’s sources said that Lena was playing hard to get though, carefully picking who she got into bed with.

“Alex told me that Sam was coming back too,” Kara added to keep talking. To stay there, standing in front of Lena, and be looked at by her.

“I needed a trustworthy C.F.O.” Lena fondly smiled. “They’ll move back after the school year ends. And with Jess running the company, I’ll be able to spend my time in the lab.”

“That’s so great,” Kara genuinely breathed. Jess was there, Sam was on her way. Lena looked relaxed and happy, and Kara suspected the wristwatch she wore had a little to do with it too.

“I cut off my very volatile and homicidal family...” Lena said, following Kara’s gaze, “I figured I needed a way to defend myself.” Something in her tone made it sound as though she was explaining herself and it didn’t sit well with Kara.

“I get it,” she said, because she did. “Can I see it?”

Lena looked around, the security guard and receptionist were very obviously avoiding looking at their boss talking to Supergirl in the foyer. Kara had no doubt they’d been thoroughly screened, especially with Jess running things. It was still a pleasant surprise though, when Lena touched the face of her watch and the sleek black nanotech armour moulded to her body.

Kara’s breath hitched when the jet-black helm covered Lena’s face and a neon green slit stared back. She suffered no nausea, lethargy, or a headache and wasn’t sure why she was surprised that there was no kryptonite. The diamond shaped green on Lena’s chest glowed with some unknown and undoubtedly well-patented energy source, that starkly stood out against the shiny obsidian of the metal. All Kara could think about was what her family crest would look like, illuminated by that green as she flew beside Lena, against a clear night sky.

She had to blink herself out of the fantasy when Lena’s suit receded once again.

“Do I pass inspection?”

That was like a slap to the face and Kara flinched, chest aching. “I'm available for back-up, anytime you need me,” she offered, neatly side-stepping the implication of why Lena thought she wanted to see the suit.

“Same to you, Supergirl.”

It hadn’t even been a thought, but fighting bad guys beside Lena was as appealing as holding her hand while they flew over the ocean.

Kara grinned brightly. “You know, Alex is a medical doctor—an amazing biochemist—and holds a couple of PhDs’ too…She also has hands-on experience of a variety of alien tech—”

“Alien tech? Supergirl, I assure you that the only alien tech we have here is a class of black Kryptonite that I’ve synthesised using Earth resources. It lacks the magical properties of the Harun-El and therefore won’t be granting anyone fatalistic superhuman abilities—”

“Lena, I didn’t—”

“My projects are being monitored by all relevant regulatory agencies and ethical committees. What I don’t need right now is to be infiltrated and spied on, casting a shadow of suspicion over this company before we’ve even had a chance to establish ourselves.”

Kara sighed. Hurt, yet understanding Lena’s outburst. She could hardly blame her for jumping to that conclusion given past events.

“Alex quit the D.E.O. and I mentioned her working here not only because I believe she can be an asset to you, but I think she would really love it. She hasn’t stopped talking about that journal article you published last month on the mutagenic effects of synthesised black kryptonite and its theoretical applications as a source of energy and healing.”

Lena somehow looked both abashed and cocky at hearing that and Kara relaxed. “And selfishly, I would really like you both to be in the same building, looking out for each other, should anything happen…”

“Like when Lex’s ego demands he try to get me back under his control?”

Kara nodded. “Yeah, he’s not happy with any of us at the moment. Whatever he’s up to has his attention for now, but he’s definitely a ticking time bomb.”

“I’ll take care of him when the time comes,” Lena darkly vowed, eyes hard in challenge and body braced for judgement.

A few months ago, Kara would’ve objected. Made a speech about being ‘better’ and ‘good’. Now though, she simply nodded.

“There are some schematics in our archives at the Fortress of Solitude I think you might find some interest in.”

“What?” Lena’s eyes lit up like Christmas morning and her heartrate spiked in excitement. Kara had tried to stop compulsively listening for it, but that metallic _thu-thunk_ still haunted her thoughts and dreams far too often.

“When I first discovered the information, I realised humanity was still a few decades from even understanding what they were seeing…But I think you’ll find it fun to figure out and adjust the plans with the resources available to you here on Earth.”

“Kara you don’t need to—”

“I know.”

“I—” Lena seemed genuinely touched and overcome by the gesture. Kara realised with a twist in her stomach that it was the sharing of information, rather than the content of said information, that had Lena speechless. Because Kara could be offering her the blueprints of her baby crib for all Lena knew.

“Why did you decide to name your company Venture Tech?”

Lena bit her lip and Kara’s soul ascended to the heavens.

“It’s named after the suborbital spacecraft that exploded and brought a budding reporter to L-Corp, changing my life forever.”

Kara gasped, heart hammering and stared at Lena in wonder.

“I was lonely and faltering, unsure whether I’d bitten off more than I could chew by moving to National City and attempting to rebrand a legacy of violence and bigotry…You believed in me when it felt as though the entire world was against me…You have no idea how much that kept me going.”

“Oh...”

Lena softly laughed and Kara felt her cheeks heat, reaching to adjust the glasses that weren’t on her face, deflecting at the last second to brush a strand of hair behind her ear.

Lena’s eyes sparkled. Green and pretty and Kara’s gaze flicked between them and Lena’s gorgeous mouth…

“I've been getting your flowers…”

Had she not been standing still, she might’ve tripped over nothing, surprised Lena would mention the flowers Kara had left on her balcony every morning for the past three months. Sometimes she would fly to different corners of the world to pick them, or buy rare ones not in season locally. It felt like the least intrusive way to let Lena know that she was there and cared and was thinking of her.

“Good. That's good to know.”

She knew Lena got them. Had seen them prominently displayed on her dining room table when she made the next delivery. Lena seemed to place the fresh ones there and moved the previous days’ bunch to somewhere else in her apartment.

“I know I haven’t been in touch, but I wanted to thank you…They’ve been a highlight each day while I’ve been making all these stressful changes in my life.”

Kara flushed, feeling warm and tingly all over and nearly placed her hands on her hips in a power stance but remembered how strange that would look. Uncertain what to do with her arms now, she awkwardly stretched to buy herself some time to decide what to do with her body.

Lena’s stare grew heated, taking in her elongated abdomen, where the suit clung to her contracting abs.

Inspired, Kara yawned, loudly enough to drag Lena’s attention from her stomach to where she’d lowered her arms, casually flexing her biceps, before she crossed them over her chest, so tightly, her muscles bulged out.

Lena licked her lips, eyes glued to every minuscule movement. “I know what you’re doing…” she rasped.

“What am I doing?”

Lena smiled amusedly. “Being ridiculous.”

“Easily for you.”

Lena’s gaze grew softer, seemingly touched by the silliness and Kara shifted on the spot, attempting to keep herself from hugging her.

Sirens blaring outside thankfully saved her from undoing all of the progress they’ve made.

“I have to go,” she mumbled and hiked her thumb over her shoulder toward the exit.

Lena nodded. “It was good talking to you again.”

“It really was,” Kara murmured and dragged her feet toward the exit, feeling heavy with too many emotions even as her heart was light and fluttered in tandem with her stomach.

“Kara,” it was a whisper to avoid anyone else hearing, but the sound trickled down her spine and brought Kara to an abrupt halt.

Lena had protected her identity even when she was at her angriest and Kara all but floated back to her.

“Would you like to have dinner with me some time?”

She barely stopped herself from letting out a whoop and nodded, hopefully not too eagerly. “Tomorrow night, okay?” She wanted to say that night, but managed to rein it in. “I'll pick you up at seven?” She surprised herself with the initiative.

“Thomas can drive us. I’ll make reservations,” Lena agreed.

Kara nodded again, afraid to say anything that would undo this wonderful miracle.

“I'm looking forward to seeing you,” Lena said and then drew her bottom lip into her mouth, dark eyes tracing over Kara’s arms, before she spun on her heel and stalked off.

Kara swallowed a groan and sped out the door, quickly unhooked the mugger for the police, and twirled up into the sky, letting out an elated laugh.

***

She stood outside Lena’s door, considering the tiramisu cheesecake fusion she held in a container in one hand and the bouquet of white plumerias she held in the other. There was no doorbell, Bill the doorman had scanned her into Lena’s private elevator.

Unsure where Lena would take her that evening, she’d dressed in heels, black slacks and an electric blue satin shirt that Nia insisted brought out her eyes. On the way up, she’d carefully removed her glasses that were now hooked in front of her shirt and had squished a delicate white petal in the process.

She contemplated whether it was worth risking more damage to knock, when the door opened, revealing a barefooted Lena, in a dark red dress, busy putting on an earring as dark curls fell over her hands and shoulders

Kara’s breath left her body in a _whoosh_. Lena was so objectively beautiful and sexy that it had never occurred to Kara that there might be more to her appreciative stares; that her admiration of Lena’s person had crossed the line from platonic to very very gay.

“I’m so sorry, Kara,” Lena explained. “My meeting ran over and I thought I would still be in time for you, but then I got a call as I was about to hop in the shower.” Lena switched to her other ear and Kara stood taller when green eyes travelled her body, continuing to intently listen to Lena’s voice. “There’s a delay on some of the equipment I ordered in from Germany. I should’ve made them myself. I thought I was saving time.” Lena huffed and then grinned and Kara’s face hurt from smiling back at her.

“Hi,” Lena softly said.

“Hi,” Kara breathed back.

“For me?” Lena tilted her head.

Kara shoved the items at her. “Yeah. You never have dessert when we go out, but always want some later, so I thought I’d bring your favourite cheesecake for when you get home.”

“Favourite dessert, favourite flowers, amazing outfit…You’re pulling out all the stops tonight.”

Kara face heated and she clenched her hand to stop it from reaching for the glasses that weren’t on her face.

“Do you mind coming in a moment?” Lena asked before she could think of how to reply. “I want to place these in some water and get my shoes.”

Kara nodded and stepped inside, hoping she would find her voice soon, and was thankful that Lena had chosen to take control of the situation. Feeling a little lost and with nerves knotting in her gut, Kara followed Lena into the kitchen.

“Would you like a drink?” Lena asked, placing the dessert in the fridge and turned to where Kara helplessly stood.

“No, thank you.”

Lena smiled and closed the fridge door, and went to a cupboard where she retrieved a vase. The dress she wore clung to her body and distracted Kara enough that she didn’t find it strange when Lena crossed the kitchen to place the vase on the kitchen island and proceeded to very slowly and carefully transfer each flower into a shallow, round, vase.

Once finished, she very purposefully adjusted the vase on the lip of the kitchen island and Kara’s stomach clenched in remembrance, heat spreading up her chest.

Lena watched her, gaze twinkling and Kara’s eyes narrowed, before she gasped.

“You know!”

Lena burst out laughing and took off when Kara lunged at her. The sound of her giggling was intoxicating, and feeling blissfully drunk Kara grabbed her around the waist, Lena’s body going malleable as soon as they touched. She spun Lena around in her arms and then they were hugging, Lena softly laughing into her neck.

Kara grinned into her hair and her eyes fell shut. Mesmerized by the smooth skin of Lena’s back where she held her close, Lena’s own arms wrapped firmly around her waist.

“I missed hugging you.”

Lena’s arms tightened. “I missed you.”

“Obviously, I missed you more,” Kara mindlessly mumbled, “given how I travelled through time and space to make things right between us... Some might even call that romantic...”

“And others might call it idiotic avoidance,” Lena teased, nuzzling her face into Kara's neck and Kara tried not to die of happiness right on the spot.

“Was she good to you?” Lena softly asked.

“Mhm. She had one big advantage going for her.”

“She did?”

“Yep…She was you…”

Lena looked up, arms circling Kara’s neck.

“I was very jealous when she told me,” she huskily admitted.

“Yeah?” Kara asked, their faces inches apart, breaths heating the air between them.

“Yes,” Lena absently replied, staring at Kara’s mouth. “I've wanted to taste you since the moment I laid my eyes on you.”

Kara groaned. The almost violent way her stomach clenched was painful and pitiful. She was proud of herself for not moving though and waited for Lena to decide what she wanted to do. It was torturous, keeping still, with the soft, curvy length of Lena’s body pressed so tightly against her. Achingly aware of Lena’s breasts moving against her own with each breath they took. Her glasses lay somewhere on the floor, but they were practically as indestructible as her suit.

The hand at her shoulder bunched into Kara’s shirt and the fingers of the other trembled as they cupped the back of Kara’s neck. In fact, Lena’s whole body shook and too late Kara realised that a big part of that was nervousness. Her mind was a little slow with Lena so close and Kara wondered whether she should pull away or give Lena the time to decide, but then Lena steadily rose onto her tiptoes, slid their noses together and rested her forehead against Kara’s.

Her legs turned to jelly and Kara locked her knees to make sure she remained steady for both their sakes, because Lena seemed to lean on her entirely, hooded gaze focused on Kara’s mouth and breathing heavily.

 _Rao, God of Light and Life, grant me strength.._. Kara prayed while she fought back the need to feel Lena’s lips on her. Anywhere. She wasn’t picky about a spot, though had a few preferences.

Lena seemed to be stuck in some internal battle and the anticipation was only increasing Kara’s want.

Then twin slivers of crystal green irises looked up from beneath a set of thick, dark, lashes. Her stomach swooped and Kara licked her lips, drawing Lena's gaze, who immediately pressed their mouths together.

Kara fell into her; sighed into the kiss as her arms tightened to keep them balanced.

Lena’s mouth was magical. The kiss, slow and measured, yet filled with emotion and passion conveyed with each brush of Lena’s lips and the explorative way Lena’s tongue stroked her own. The fingers that gripped her neck, amplified the soft, pleased noises that left Lena’s throat and made Kara’s head swim.

It was like nothing Kara could ever have imagined and she lost herself in the feel and taste of Lena’s mouth. In the way Lena was somehow keeping Kara on this precipice; edging them toward the brink of madness.

The anticipation was intoxicating.

Shamelessly making out in Lena’s kitchen was a life-altering experience.

Kara was consumed by her, even as she submitted to Lena who controlled the languid pace and kept her hands respectfully around Kara’s neck and shoulders. How it still managed to feel so seductive, Kara would wonder about later as she was too focused on the way Lena dragged her teeth across her bottom lip and then broke away entirely.

The separation was a shock to her senses and Kara blinked at Lena who frowned and glanced around her kitchen. Through the haze in her brain Kara finally heard the sound of a ringing phone. Lena caught on quicker and found the cordless mounted to her kitchen wall, picked it up and confusedly pressed it to her ear.

“Hello...? Yes, I’m okay…” Lena rasped, her voice low and dripping with lust and Kara was overcome with an unnatural and unreasonable jealously at whomever just heard it. “No, no. I’m sorry. Please tell Thomas to go home…”

Kara was too distracted by the flush across Lena’s chest and face to think much of the conversation. Her only concern was how long it would be before Lena came back to her arms.

“Thank you, Bill. See you tomorrow…Goodnight.”

Lena hung up, then ran a hand through her hair that was a tangled mess and Kara was certain she’d kept her hands to Lena’s waist, hadn’t she?

Lena smiled and nothing mattered anymore.

“We’re going to need to take my car if the restaurant has kept our reservation,” she said.

Kara frowned, dragging her gaze away from Lena’s kiss-swollen lips to look at the microwave Lena pointed at.

“What about it?” Kara dumbly asked and Lena laughed, making her instantly grin despite it being at her. She felt drunk, her body abuzz, her skin warm and pleasantly prickling.

“We’ve been here for over two hours.” Lena was kind enough to spell it out for her, looking both embarrassed and pleased with herself.

“Oh,” Kara breathed, not sure how to react. “I’m sorry?” she uncertainly asked.

“Are you?” Lena grinned and Kara relaxed.

“Not even remotely,” she admitted and laughed along with Lena.

“We could take my car and go somewhere, or I could make you something?” Lena uncertainly offered.

“Here,” Kara said, then realised she sounded like a Neanderthal. “Here would be nice. I could help you with dinner.”

***

The plumerias were moved to the dining room table and Kara sat on a barstool at the kitchen island, having been relegated to table-setter and wine pourer when she didn’t notice her hand on the open flame of the stovetop, too busy watching Lena work her pasta maker, still barefoot in her sexy dress. She could’ve explained it away as simply an accident, but there was no reason for the oven to have been on yet, so she accepted the glass of wine handed to her and went to sit where Lena instructed her to.

“I take it you watched what was on the flash drive?” Kara asked when Lena switched off the boiling pot of pasta.

“I did,” she said, the corner of her mouth tilting upward, probably knowing how badly Kara wanted to ask what was on it, but that she wouldn’t. “Nothing like hearing yourself talk about a villain with arguably the same mission as you, however much your motivation and intent might differ, to slap some clarity back into you.”

Lena laughed, but Kara could only smile at her. So unbelievably proud of the choices Lena had made since that day. Amazing choices Kara couldn’t ever have imagined and had been cheering her on from the side-lines whether Lena knew that or not.

“We discussed Darkseid possibly showing up here and she gave me schematics for a weapon she and Brainy had been working on that might defeat him,” Lena said tossing the chopped-up _pancetta_ into a frying pan.

“Might?”

“According to her Brainy, all New Gods have a weakness for a substance called Radion. He didn’t know where to find it though, only having encountered it once before and they’d been working on synthesizing an alternative from his memory and deductions of its elemental properties.”

“Did they succeed?”

“Not yet.”

“Have you?”

“I don’t know. I’ll need our Brainy to confirm a few things then we would only be able to test it and make adjustments should Darkseid come here. For now, I’m hoping we’re preparing for nothing,” Lena explained, mixing egg yolks with grated _pecorino_ cheese in a bowl.

Kara nodded, she’d been worried about Darkseid and now with Lena on the case too, it offered a lot of relief, but in that moment only one thing consumed her.

“Did she say anything about me?” she softly asked.

Lena stirred the cooked pasta into the pan of fried _pancetta_ while she looked at Kara.

“Unsurprisingly, she only had the best of things to say about you,” she replied and Kara ducked her head to try and hide her happy smile. “I wish she held half of that regard and consideration for me though.”

Kara laughed at Lena’s light tone. “Was she mean to you?”

“She was very mean. Her threats that she would replace me if I insisted on wasting my life chasing windmills, were very convincing too.”

“You’ve always been too hard on yourself,” Kara murmured, her stomach loudly rumbling when Lena stirred the yolk and _pecorino_ mix into the spaghetti until it made a creamy sauce.

Lena hummed her agreement, focused on plating the pasta and carefully grated _parmesan_ cheese over the dishes.

“ _Spaghetti_ _Carbonara_ is my favourite,” Kara mumbled, mouth watering, mind cleared of anything other than getting her hands on that plate.

Lena laughed. “Really? I would never have guessed after watching you inhale both of our plates at _Il Palazzo_ and still looking as though you needed more.”

Her ears grew hot.

“Why do you think I learnt to make it?” Lena asked and turned to the counter behind her for the pepper mill. “I wanted you to have as much as you could eat whenever you craved it.”

Kara had her pinned against the counter a second later, not really having thought about doing it, but was pleased when she was firmly pressed against Lena, who after her initial surprise, had her arms wrapped around Kara’s neck and quietly stared into her face.

Kara tilted her head closer, Lena’s lips parting, but she gently pulled away again, Lena following as though a string bound them together.

“I don’t want to mess this up,” Kara admitted and Lena’s brows knitted, dragging her gaze from Kara’s mouth to her eyes and then her shoulders hunched.

“I’m positive that _you_ won’t be the one to mess this up, Kara.”

“Is that why you’ve been ignoring me for three months?”

“I wanted to be good enough for you…I’m still working on it, but seeing you yesterday…”

“I wish you didn’t feel like you need to change for me. In case you didn’t notice, I’ve been telling you how great you are for years.”

“I don’t want to hurt you, again.”

“I don’t want to lose you again,” Kara said, chest tightening. “I want this to last.” 

Lena’s eyes glistened and she cupped Kara’s cheek. “I’ve been in love with you for three years, Kara, we can take this at our own pace. There’s no rush.”

Kara nodded, feeling reassured at hearing the words confirmed out loud.

Lena loved her.

“You love me,” she said, smiling dopily, brightening when Lena grinned back.

“Painfully so.”

“I would’ve probably realised my feelings sooner had you made me this pasta,” Kara said, reluctantly moving away. “It smells amazing.”

She picked up both plates and carried them over to the dining table Lena had asked her to set earlier, putting some distance between them before another couple of hours passed without them noticing.

“I take full responsibility,” Lena replied, grabbing the bottle of wine and the pepper mill, following after her.

“As you should,” Kara mumbled, already seated, fork in hand, waiting on Lena to get settled.

Lena ground some pepper over Kara’s pasta and then lifted a brow. As though a starting gun had set her off, Kara shoved a fork full into her mouth, moaning over the bite.

She didn’t mean for it to be sexy, doubted her shovelling food into her mouth would’ve been considered that under any other circumstances, but Lena watched her with interest, as she poured them each a glass of wine; looking as content as Kara felt for the first time in a long time.

Only one thing could make her world even better and she licked her lips, taking a sip of the wine that was perfectly paired with the pasta.

“Lena—” She cleared her throat when her voice came out a dirty rasp. “Do you know how to make Red Sun energy lights?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who has been following this angsty story and leaving comments and kudos.  
> Special thanks to Rstories for answering the questions I posted in the notes earlier <3
> 
> I will be writing a sequel should the Great Goddess 'Rona permit it.
> 
> I'm gonna go sleep and will answer comments in the next two days.
> 
> Stay safe, healthy and loved.
> 
> xx
> 
> @NotSoEvilPanda

**Author's Note:**

> This will probably be 30-35k words. I was gonna go all dark, but might go all sad, am playing around with it still.  
> I'll post info on updates on my Twitter. Probably.  
> Thank you for reading.  
> @NotSoEvilPanda


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